Hi - Dd14 DX about a month ago ADS / Aspergers. I find that now I know about ADS, and when she displays bad behaviour, I now don't know what to do? I get confused with teen issues and how I 'used' to deal with things and now ADS and if I should be doing it differently. You can probably tell, I am confused. I find a lot of my reading is about young children and not a lot about teens. DD moody and rude, always wants her own way, always wants it now, lies to get it, hits out to get it etc etc. Smokes, drinks, stays out late, mostly late and school is on speed dial with detentions every week. Don't get me wrong she can also be loving and really nice and even sometimes very child like. Anyway just looking for top tips and anyone else out there with a teen?
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ADS /AS Teen - Do you have any helpful strategies - DD14 and controls everything
50000feet · 17/07/2011 13:06
I have gone through the teenage years with one dd who is NT. From the age of 14 she was a nightmare and was doing all the things you have posted here. She did have emotional issues to deal with and unfortunately chose the path that the world owed her and she would put nothing back. School was for swats and mum will pay for anything I want so life is sweet. The way I look at it is that up till 14 they are your children and you are mum......from 14 to 17/18 they have turned into aliens and you are the enemy from stopping them growing up and not chilling! Then all of a sudden the drinking and the hanging out late becomes "boring" and they suddenly return to your child again 
Your sense of authority goes right out the window when you say "you are grounded and not going out" and the reply you get is "watch this space, talk to the hand" and then the front door opens and out they walk. It is a really REALLY difficult period NT or SN. I really do feel for you.
You definately do have to pick your battles and you have to choose consequences carefully. If they make a mistake (ie got into trouble) dont run to their rescue and fight their battles as they will know you will come running next time. Make them face the consequence of their actions or the long walk home if they missed the bus. They are also very clever in trying to play one against the other by going to each parent, so you and your partner must talk it over together and form an agreement to back each other up so that when a challenge arises you are both batting from the same corner. Also which is hard is that I found confrontation worse if we were both having a go at the same time. A teen when cornered is not pleasant my dd seemed worse if she felt ganged up on. We found if one of us were involved in a confrontation we carried it out to the end. If my dd then looked to my DH his only answer would be "your mother is right there is no room for discussion" and he would carry on with whatever he was doing. I would do the same but we would only speak if she tried to drag the other into the argument iyswim.
It sounds so fool proof printed here lol but I can also add there is a lot of frustration, hair pulling, sleepless nights and going grey!
If we didnt have hormones to contend with teenage life would be less of a rollercoaster!
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