Parenting course at the school!!! Arghhhhhh ....i'm going to strangle someone!

[genieinabottle]

...but then again if i tried they'll want to offer me an anger managemnet course!

We have been invited to attend a parenting course at the school!
Aimed to promote positive family relashionships and 'special time' spent together, improving behaviour management and reduce family stress!

The bloody stress is happening because of them not doing their job properly.

And DS (5, asd) was put on the bad behaviour chart again today at school because of sitting down issues with the other children at carpet time.
He seemed in a talkative mood today and was trying to answer my questions and tell me something ...which is just as well as yet again nothing has been written in his communication book!

We got to a bit where he explained that his "feet can't sit down!"
He said it several times, as well as "Miss ... said i'm naughty".

I don't know what to make of it.

[starfish71]

They really have no idea do they? Don't post often - still struggling dealing with recent diagnosis for DS2 (6) and trying to get his proposed statement right etc etc - never ending at moment - but your school sounds like mine genie.

They should never put your ds on the bad behaviour chart when one of the hardest things for our kids to do is to sit still in a group situation. Surely they could have offered him something to fiddle with or tried something like a wobble cushion?

Sorry not much help but wanted to say that dealing with school is something I too have difficulty with and share your frustration.

[anotherbrickinthewall]

would you be comfortable talking about behaviour issues in front of other parents at the school (I know I wouldn't btw!). In principle I can see pros and cons of doing a parenting courses,

Pros - it seems to be a bogstandard first line of treatment by CAMHS, so if you can say you've done one, know all the stuff then they can't fob you off with one and also you might be able to chat up useful professionals if you have somegone good doing it


Cons - is it sufficiently adaptable to kids with SN, will it end up leaving you feeling more isolated if the strategies are inappropriate.

[fightingthezombies]

I'm surprised we've never been offered a course like this. When I am asked how things are at home I always say "it would be much better if ds didn't come home from school in such a state. If you can prevent that happening then things would be fine"

[genieinabottle]

I know the school 's views on me. I'm an overly-anxious mother ...slowly becoming a PITA for them.

So they want to show me the error of my ways with how we parent DS. cause it must all be down to our awful parenting since DS has no issues while at school according to them.

[starfish71]

See if you can get on the earlybird course - just been offered one and the great part is that someone from the school is invited too and it is all obviously ASD specific. Think that be far more useful then a standard parenting course. just a thought haven't obviously been on it yet but like the fact that someone from the school - hopefully their teacher or SENCO learns too.

[genieinabottle]

Thanks for sharing the idea Starfish71.

Will look into it.

Can't do the school parenting course anyway as i'm working on that day.

[starfish71]

The school think I am a PITA too but I like to think a quiet one who just keeps chipping away until I get somewhere!

[TheArsenicCupCake]

... oh I love these things .. Accept with open arms and a large smile....
...... And then ask lots of questions about how you should be handling x y z issues better and what stratagies they would use!

[genieinabottle]

Arsenic, if i hadn't had to work on that day, i might have just done that ....for the fun of it!

[TheArsenicCupCake]

:)

yes.. ( but I like to see the funny side of these things lol)

[discodad]

Genie, DS has an ABA programme and strategy is exactly the reverse of what you describe. He gets positive reward - he has a token board - for sitting on the carpet. He's just started so he gets one token about every 5 seconds at the moment. He does not get negatives for not sitting. They will build up time tolerating other children (which he finds incredibly difficult) and space out the tokens over time.

If school approach does not work and he is not sitting any better perhaps you can suggest they try the reverse and reward the positive / ignore the negative. I know they will probably ignore you but in fact its a pretty standard strategy - SALTs are usually good at token systems etc. Perhaps you could raise it with SALT?

Punishing him for behaviour which is an integral part of his disability is just totally wrong. Its like punishing a blind person for walking into something.

[IndigoBell]

Did they ask every parent - or just you?

My school regularly sends home leaflets about parenting courses - but they send them to everyone. (And of course I just ignore them.)

[auntevil]

Is the parenting classes not part of the SN monopoly game? do not pass parenting class or you do not get CAMHS and related meetings?

[genieinabottle]

I have no idea if it was sent to other parents. It was just explaining what the course was about and had a return slip at the bottom. Have never got one before during all the years he was at school (he is 17).
But on the back of the paper it had my DS's name written.

Discodad. I have been banging my head against a wall with the school.
In desperation i phoned SALT a few weeks ago and explained to her what was going on. She proposed to go and have an informal chat with teacher.

SALT phoned me up later that day to let me know of what she had spoke about with teacher.
One of the points was non use of strategies recommended by SALT. Visual aids, sandtimers, rewards and specific praise before DS does an activity was suggested to boost his confidence and cooperation.
Yesterday 3 weeks down the line, i read in teacher's report that they have discontinued the use (not that they ever really tried hard imo) of the above strategies as DS doesn't need them!

Instead the teacher had found on the off chance a few weeks ago that he responded well to a puppet! For all adult-led activities DS will listen and try participating when he engages with the puppet who gives him the instructions and DS does the task to please the puppet. DS will not do it for the adult!
And they have marked the puppet as a strategy to use for his first target on his IEP for 'engaging with adult-led tasks', this alongside the behavioural chart.

I am livid to say the least. I have written a letter to EP raising my many concerns and this being one of them.

Sorry it's long.

[Norton]

It's a standard delaying tactic

When DD was being bullied (4 yrs ago not about SN) we were offered a parenting course

I was already attending a SCOPE course at the children's Centre & I went one day & was chatting about 'doing a parenting course' the SN co-ordinator on the course said "Oh come & do one here"(at the CC)

I said "OK when is it?"

She said "Whenever you can come & teach it"

She fell about laughing at the idea that I needed to attend one