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Struggling with DD, 13

(9 Posts)
BLACKTUESDAY1 Sun 22-Jan-17 18:14:13

DD 13 has always been a sensitive child but did have friends, enjoyed going out and doing sleepovers until she started high school. She is in yr 9 now and things are getting worse and worse. She has no real friends (says she doesnt want any cos none of them are like her) but she is not happy being on her own at school. She has never been out of the house without us (parents). She now doesn't want to go anywhere even with us and hates being around people. She hates school. The only time she is happy is when she is at home drawing five nights at freddy's characters over and over. She can quite happily do this for days on end. She doesn't have any pride in her appearance and has to be encouraged to even shower.She was referred to CAMHS who have diagnosed severe social anxiety and she's started CBT sessions. She says they are pointless and wont help. She hated going and tells me she hates me. Her hearing is so sensitive that she won't sit with us to eat any more as she says she cant stand it. I am totally CLUELESS on what to do next to help. She is missing out on so much and she is unhappy when encouraged to do anything out of the house. Her school are aware but haven't done a great deal. I've got an apt to speak with the SEN lady again next week but really don't know what to ask them to do. I feel so helpless and at my wit's end

BLACKTUESDAY1 Mon 23-Jan-17 21:27:24

Anyone have any advice? Feeling a bit low about things tonight. The constant worry is so tiringsad

RedBagGreenBag Mon 23-Jan-17 22:19:48

Hi I don't really have any advice but your description of your dd reminds me a lot of what I was like at that age. I didn't have any friends from the age of about 14 untill 16 and I was very unhappy at school. Things improved for me when I left school to go to college and I had a chance to meet different people - are there any other schooling options that might suit her better?

I also couldn't stand (still can't!) the sound of people eating - I've since discovered from mumsnet threads that it's called misophonia - I find that music/other background noise helps distract me.

All I can suggest is try to spend time with her having fun, reminding her that she is worthwhile to be around, even if that is just in the house.

I'm sorry I can't give you any better advice but I didn't want to leave your post unanswered. I'll be watching this thread with interest as I'm worried my dd might also be like this, it is a real worry.

Trying2bgd Mon 23-Jan-17 22:34:55

I am sorry to hear this is happening to your DD and for the worry and stress it is causing you. My DD1 has SEN issues and this has caused some social anxiety, confidence and awkwardness issues, I would say that the best thing to do is to try and make her homelife as socially stress free as possible and generally happy, let her do the drawing and maybe encourage her to find a group online who are into five nights at freddies for her to interact with, mix with family who understand her, carry on with the CBT and maybe see if she can do some counselling as well. My dd has found seeing a counsellor really helpful, all of this takes time and there is no overnight cure, she is beginning to feel better about herself. Is it worth speaking to a GP about her hearing and working out a way to help her cope with this? Good luck

BLACKTUESDAY1 Tue 24-Jan-17 06:08:37

Thank you so much for the replies. She does post her drawings online on a forum so at least she has that. It is so hard as a mum to just let her sit there all day...i feel I should be encouraging her to get out and about but I know that's not what she wants. I think it's harder because her sis is 2 years younger and LOVES going places. I am always trying to encourage older dd to come too but she won't, then I feel bad for leaving her! She has quite withdrawn from me lately and it is difficult to engage with her but I need to keep trying......I just really wosh she was happier and life was easier for hersad

Trying2bgd Tue 24-Jan-17 07:52:05

Hopefully as she realises that she has your support and understanding, she will start to engage with you some more. It isn't easy but we all need to accept our children as they come and respect the people they are becoming. Our children do not always follow the paths we have taken or we understand! I have done all the over encouraging/nagging and it does not help, just leaves you with a super stressed and no better off child!

BLACKTUESDAY1 Tue 24-Jan-17 12:13:27

Trying, how true are those words!. I really don't understand her sometimes and wonder why she doesn't enjoy the things I think she should. When I let her be she is def happier. Just wish I could somehow sort school for her so she doesn't feel so out of place

Trying2bgd Tue 24-Jan-17 16:03:08

flowers Unfortunately, it isn't always something we can sort out for them.
Some children feel like that but are just so good at faking it (which leads to other problems) whilst our children at least are willing to share this with us. I would say talk to the SEN lady and see if she can get a mentor from sixth form, maybe someone who also has SEN or an interest in art. Don't rush in, just find out what is available so when she is more open to help, you can suggest this.

Trying2bgd Mon 30-Jan-17 12:57:55

Dear OP, I hope things feel a bit more hopeful and your talk with SEN was of some value. flowers

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