My 8yr old has been excluded for 2 days, again :(

[wishesandchaos]

My 8yr old ds has yesterday been excluded from primary school for 2 days. He has found school a challenge from reception and we've had challenging behaviour all the way through. I've done my best to work with the school and even if I haven't agreed with their ideas I've been willing to try to help however I can.

Yesterday, he apparently got angry whilst something he was working on got stuck, he asked the teacher for help to fix it (a bubble wand I think, it's science week) and she apparently told him he wasn't to be playing with it (he denies this but I'm unsure to believe him or not) He then has hit his teacher with a pillow from the floor.
He says that he was then calming down by himself when the SENCO came in and took him by the hand to remove him from class. He was upset at her taking him by the hand and kicked her in the leg and swore loudly.

At home he can be challenging but I find he just needs firm boundaries so on the whole he is fine at home. He has sworn at me twice, both times have resulted in him being in his room until he had apologised and been told it is not acceptable to use bad language.

What can I do? I don't know how to cope with this, I've had to take 2 days off work that I can't really afford to do but bobs had no choice as hitting a teacher cannot go unpunished. What can I do to help him just behave at school? It's so frustrating!

[Greengap13]

Has he got a statement?

[wishesandchaos]

No, sorry didn't know where to put this. He's been on a IEP pretty much since he started school. They've suggested ADHD, ADD or ODD but keep then saying his behaviour is 'too chosen' to be any of those things.

[HolidayCriminal]

sympathies.

[OneInEight]

Loads of sympathy too but hopefully some practical help too.

If school are having to go to exclusion then they are not meeting his needs and he needs more support. What support is he getting at the moment - as an initial measure my sons got 1:1 sessions on anger management and social skills from a member of school staff - this was before they started getting excluded but were on the route. You should have a reintegration meeting when your son goes back to school - this is the time to ask school what behavioural stratagies they are using and what additional support they can give. It is also worth noting you can apply for a statement on the grounds of challenging behaviour alone even if your son is academically OK.

The second thing you can do if you feel there is even a suspicion of special needs such as ADHD or ASD is go to your GP and ask for a referral to someone (CAMHS or Community Paediatrician) who are qualified to make a proper assessment (school staff can really not say one way or the other). Make a list of concerns e.g. as well as the challenging behaviour at school are there any other issues e.g. making or keeping friends, sensory issues, rigid thinking, disliking change, levels of activity etc. If there is an underlying problem it is better to know what it is so the most appropriate support can be given.

This section of mumsnet tends to be very quiet but you will get lots of helpful responses if you post on special needs children.

[HolidayCriminal]

ime none of those paths will lead to anything useful, but worth a try if you haven't already.

[OneInEight]

Sorry they haven't been successful for you HolidayCriminal. Luckily we have been a bit more fortunate for my sons who are both now diagnosed AS and statemented. ds1 in particular is now very well supported in a BESD primary and a lot happier than in mainstream. I don't want to give the impression that it is easy though - It has taken us two years to get a school for ds2 that will meet his needs - and that was with the headteachers from two different schools strongly supporting us.

[RiversideMum]

Which specialists has the school had in to assess him?