Autism red flags

[9911bon]

My 18 month boy shows all the signs for autism. We have had these concerns since he was 12 months when he was behind on his social milestones. Since then things have deteriorated. He flaps arms, little eye contact, never interacts with anyone, no waving, no gesturing, no words, tip toe walking sometimes and just plain expressionless. He also has uncontrollable tantrums where he thrashes himself around. It’s absolutely heartbreaking and I am not dealing with it well if I am honest. Particularly as he completely ignores his dad. He at least climbs on me, but that’s pretty much all the attention I get.
I am trying to seek help from everyone, Drs, nursery, HV but of course the answer is that he is to young. If I can see it surely a professional can.

Anyway Having read through some of these threads, as it seems this is the only place where people actually listen, I am surprised by how many people say that their children aren’t diagnosed until much later in life. I know it’s a spectrum and so they all come with different signs and symptoms, but I guess I am now questioning how autistic my child is. If he is showing every sign at a young age does this mean he is probably severely affected?
If people can go years before anything is picked up, are their symptoms less obvious and therefore less severe?

I am really struggling with accepting the concept of having an autistic child (some of the stories on here are reassuring) And I can’t help but feel devastated by it. 😩 how do people cope? X

[Coffeecup01]

@9911bon I have only just seen this post, and it's a month old, but I felt that I had to reply. I'm a mum to an autistic boy who's 4. My son was diagnosed not long after his 2nd birthday. We are often told that children won't get diagnosed until they are older, but you don't need a diagnosis to start seeking help. The earlier the better. Early intervention can make all the difference. Keep on fighting. If your son is autistic, then don't despair. No matter how you prepare yourself mentally, when a pediatrician sits you down and tells you to your face, it's still a shock (it was for me, even though in my heart I already knew). But once that shock is over, you realise that your child is still your child. The A word is a label that doesn't really change anything. As for severity of symptoms, or a "spectrum" well, that's a difficult subject. When people ask me about my son, I try to describe his condition in a practical way, but with positivity. His pediatrician described him as "text book autistic" I was offended, until I gained some knowledge on autism, then I kinda realised what she meant. He's non verbal, sensory seeking, can't, feed or dress himself, is double incontinent, doesn't have any awareness of danger, has issues with depth perception, and severe learning difficulties. But in 5 years time, who knows how he'll develop and what he'll achieve. He's awesome and even though my life with him, isn't quite what I had planned, it doesn't mean the journey to a different destination can't be joyous. My daughter is autistic too, but she's undiagnosed. Her pediatrician wanted to, but I wasn't ready to hear it and she's high functioning and verbal, so I didn't feel the need to as she's still only 2.
You mention "uncontrollable tantrums" and you say you feel ignored by your son. I've been there. I promise he's not ignoring you and the tantrums could be "meltdowns". Keep a detailed diary and you can find out what triggers them. It could be a sound, or a smell, or a bright light. Does your son speak at all? If not then strip communication right back to basics, and use objects of reference. He could be frustrated if he's having difficulty communicating. Most importantly, go with your gut. If you feel something isn't right, stand up and say so, and don't let anyone tell you you are wrong. No one knows your son better than you. There are some great FB support groups for parents of autistic children. Have a look to see if there are any local ones to you. Talking to other parents is really helpful. Oh and remember, whether hes autistic or not, you'll be a great mum, and you'll get through. You got this, stay positive xx

[DanielleCrofts]

Hi, we had our son diagnosed privately when he was 2.5 years old, the NHS will drag their feet for longer. I'd say he wouldn't be able to do the assessments they would need to do at 18 months. It is a grieving process when you get a diagnosis as you need to give up your dreams and ideas about the child you thought you had, so be kind to yourself.
In the meantime, you could make life easier by working out his sensory processing issues e.g. if he doesn't like being hugged he may be over sensitive to touch so you could warn guests not to touch him as it upsets him. Also try to note if he gets upset on bright light, loud noise (including voices) or strong smells ( e.g. perfume), make a note of what's around him when he had a meltdown and you'll start to see patterns so you can avoid these triggers too.
I hope this helps. He may not be autistic at all but if he's tough to manage you still need support and ideas to get through this stage with your sanity intact anyway.

[Viv57]

Hi
Im a parent and step parent to a number of grown up and also younger children
My partner has a young son who is 9 and I’m v concerned about him.
Possible spectrum issues in that he is somewhat obsessional, v nervous, avoidant of anything new, and all this has worsened since he has been off school.
Im wondering how to help him please?
I understand his mum is a bit uninvolved but he obviously adores her, he is blank with his dad I would say.

[IshaPoet]

Hi OP,

I feel for you, my son and twin daughters are also autistic- my sons diagnosed with Asperger's and my twin daughter one is high functioning and one is low.

The twins both have meltdowns but my youngest twin Ayva who is low functioning has the most traits of it as she makes no eye contact, no words, is a picky eater- she also has Elhers-Danlos Syndrome where she pops her bones out of their sockets so she most has to be on soft and cushioned areas, hypersensitive to sound and hypersensitive to overcrowding is travelling my tfl is literally a nightmare so I'm doing my driving tests and God willing will get car along with the DLA for them.

My whole living room is a sensory room for them both where my eldest twin Isabella runs back and further yells and makes noise but will only make eye contact at when she wants something she also has an undiagnosed genetic syndrome where she is the size of a 6 year old and she's 3.

My sons diagnosis only came after my twins had been "unofficial diagnosed" by the neuro-peds at 9 months so they got to him when he was 10 years old.
I'm also pregnant again so the likelihood of having another autistic child is very high. The emotional stress wears off (for myself personally) after I accepted that this is my normal and my children are the way they are. I myself have been diagnosed with autism so it it's entirely normal for me to see my daughter having a meltdown but I've had to make adjustments to make her comfortable and ensure that she has a calm environment- lighting can't be too bright or too dark, textures of the carpet can't be too soft or too hard so everything she touches has to be to her liking may sound like a lot but I couldn't live without them and their little personalities are irreplaceable.

[NeiceyKnows]

Hi @IshaPoet,

I think I recognise your story from a YouTube debate show you were on. I really commend your bravery and speaking about your journey. I have a soon to be 4 year old daughter with suspected Autism. The lockdown has slowed down the process of receiving an official diagnosis for her. Although I’m pretty sure she has it as she isn’t really verbal, is sensitive to loud noises, is anxious in social settings and doesn’t make eye contact. I’m really scared to get the definitive diagnosis as I don’t know what that means for us or her future. Could I ask what support you receive for your girls as they are similar age to my daughter?.... and congratulations on your pregnancy. X

[IshaPoet]

@NeiceyKnows lol I didn't think anyone on here would recognise me from the Youtube debate show.
My girls are still waiting to receive their EHC plan to help get them into a autism based nursery and school. I have been fighting for the past 2 years to have them get the right benefits and help from the local authorities and that I'm pregnant I'm pushing even harder as I have been homeschooling the girls to get their verbal communication more developed.

Thank you babe ❤️💜💙

[NeiceyKnows]

@IshaPoet
Seems like we are kind of in the same boat. My daughter was at nursery full time and she just wasn’t learning anything so I cut her to part time and taught her everything myself. Not to mention her nursery basically told me they couldn’t cope as she suffered from anxiety around the other kids and used to hit her head purposely as a coping mechanism. So I used to have to stay at the nursery 2 days a week as they said it wasn’t fair to the other kids that she took all the teachers time and attention. Realistically I should have took her out of there for that comment alone but she had gotten use to the environment and I didn’t want to have to start the process of settling her again somewhere else. It has been a real struggle for me to get her to the point she is at now but I know we still have a long way to go. And like you I am still fighting. I’ve been told by professionals she is Autistic but as of right now she still hasn’t officially been diagnosed so there is only so much I can do. All the best to you guys and thank you for replying. X