Three and a half year old scared of shadows and we are in such bad habits any ideas welcome

[used2bthin]

My Dd slept well on her own until last June when we went n holiday for a week ad she shared a bed with me.

Since then she has been coming into my bed every night. This hasn't really been a problem as until recently she has just crept in, often not even waking me. Recently she has been wanting me to stay in the room till she goes to sleep though and then coming in to mine earlier and earlier then demanding I go to bed if I'm not already there.

It is a mess and I have given in to a certain extent because it has been easier and I am a single parent, she has various health issues which have made me more inclined to keep her happy and also a speech and language delay and gue ear so I am never sure how much she understands and how much is her playing me up.

Any ideas? Iam returning her to bed till I get exhausted and give in but I know I need to stick it out. Have also ordered a clock to tell her when she can come in.

[used2bthin]

Forgot to mention the shadows!She is worried about them and keeps wanting the light on then off thinking they will then go. have tried to explain what they are and have given her a torch tonight so she can control it a bit but have just returned her to bed for the sixth time and she is back again.

[used2bthin]

Anyone? i think she has finally exhausted herself after an hour of me returning her to bed, light on, light off that sort of thing. I know if I sat with her she'd be asleep before seven so it is hard. And now whether to fight all night when she starts coming into my room to get in bed with me in a couple of hours? How on earth do I crack that one when we are usually both haf asleep?

[sorryimlate]

Hello! We also have a very scared of shadows toddler here, she's 2yrs and 10 months so similar age... All I can say really is that some kids are more sensitive than others, we have phases when she wants to be in the bed all the time and phases when she's fine. At the moment she's in a bad phase, so I sympathise

[maxpower]

Did you see last night's Jo Frost Extreme Parental Guidance? She dealt with an (admittedly older) child with serious sleep issues. If you can catch it on 4OD or if they repeat it, have a look.

[sorryimlate]

Meant to add more!
Our dd has a really vivid imagination- there is always some imaginary creature that we have to evict from her room (usually a cat or crocodile) before she will get into bed. Is there anything she's worried about? Would she tell you if you asked her?

I think with the light and shadows thing, it's best to stick with what she falls asleep in all night, otherwise, being of a sensitive nature, she'll wake up and be upset about the change. So put her to bed with the light off and read story/sing song/whatever you do with the light off and the torch on, so that when you turn out the light it's not a big shock.

We find that doing a bit of in-and-out helps. So you say 'i'll lie with you for one minute and then I need to check the dinner/tidy up/get a drink/whatever excuse and then I'll come back and sit with you again'. Repeat ad nauseum until when you go back she's asleep. Then she's not depending on you to fall asleep, and you're not having a big battle about leaving her.

Night time visiting is the hardest... But you have to be really strong about putting her back. Perhaps getting in with her is better than her getting in with you? At least then you can choose to go back to your bed rather than being stuck with her...

You can give stickers for staying in bed all night?

[sorryimlate]

Playing games with shadows at any opportunity is helpful - dd2's fear has definitely diminished over the last few months and I think it's cos we have done so many episodes of switching lights on and off and seeing where she shadows go, and we have a wicked Peppa Pig torch that makes a peppa/george/dinosaur shadow on the wall which is rather nice...

[WibbleDribble]

Firstly I take my hat off to you for coping as a single parent. I do agree with sorryimlate about the insistance of putting her back in her own bed tho. My DD (aged 4) and DS (aged 2) have developed a habit of proclaiming ghosts are in every room in our house after about 6pm. We now just tell them to Clear Off! And try not to make too much of it. Every since they were tiny we have had what we now refer to as the 'bear machine' which is a light projecting music box.It shines bears on the ceiling and has a fantastically calming effect. You have a choice of 3 tunes and it switches itself off after 5 or 10 mins in which time they are hopefully asleep. If I was to suggest one item to a parent to be to make life easier it would be this one. If you can stretch to £13 get yourself to a ToysRUs. Good luck.

[sorryimlate]

Wibble, I think I need one of those as I am a rubbish sleeper - hence dd2 not great either!

Dunno how it is that dd1 sleeps like a hibernating bear

[used2bthin]

Thanks for the replies sorry been putting her back to bed, finally got her to sleep without me then came to bed and she was in my bed already-have put her back in hers still asleep and so waiting for it to start again.

Will try the hadow play thing and also the sitting for a minute then leaving and coming back, that may work with her actually as she is very good at calming down when people go by saying they will come back.

Lke the idea of the bear machine,if the clock is unsucessful I will definately try that one. I am at the stage where Iwould try aything I think!

Te coming in after I am in bed would be ok if it was just that but its the demands all evening that have to stop and I think I will have to cut it all out to get anywhere. I felt so awful tonightwith her crying for me she sounded so desperate.

[WibbleDribble]

Hey used2bthin, How's it going? Have you had any better nites since Wed? I do hope so and hope you had a lovely Mother's Day too

[used2bthin]

Hi wibbledribble thank you I had a good mothers day hope you did too. Slightly better since the weekend but only in that the screaming and getting up at bedtime lasts half an hour not an hour. She is still coming in to me every night after I go to bed too, te clock arrived today so I will be trying that tonight.

[bbcwomen]

Hi there,

I'm working for Channel 4 and we are looking for families who are having difficulty getting their unders 4s to sleep to take part in a new series.

The families would get the opportunity to work with a top child sleep expert on a one-to-one basis. The expert believes that they can deal with most sleep issues within a 4 week period, and that sleepless nights will be a thing of the past.

If you want to know more please contact me/respond to this post or see our ad in the media requests forum

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/media_nonmember_requests/923567-Are-you-a-sleep-deprived-Parent-A-new-Channel-4

I have permission to put this post up by Mumsnet HQ.

Hope to hear from you soon!

Nastasia
x