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Join our Sleep forum for tips on creating a sleep routine for your baby or toddler.

Join our Sleep forum for tips on creating a sleep routine for your baby or toddler.

Sleep

Is DS going to hate me......

18 replies

Newbeginning1 · 20/01/2010 20:36

The HV came today to help me get DS to go down in his moses basket or pushchair as he will only sleep on me and as im a single parent and breast feeding it means i have no time to rest or even for a shower.

She recommended once DS was full putting him in his basket and comforting him but leaving him to cry without picking him up. She also advised giving him a dummy which does seem to settle him but he keeps spitting it out and getting worked up.

At 3 and a half weeks old is this too early to be doing this and should i just put up with having no sleep or should i persevere as we are only on day 1? I'm worried that DS will hate me for leaving him to cry and he looks exhausted after being so worked up today and i just want to give him a big cuddle.

OP posts:

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Umami · 20/01/2010 20:38

Bump for you. That does sound awfully young to be leaving him to cry though.

thisisyesterday · 20/01/2010 20:39

omg i can't believe a health visitor is recommending that you leave him to cry at 3.5 weeks!!!

it's WAY too early to do it. even people who recommend controlled crying as a method say not to use it on a child under 6 months old.

he's a tiny baby, he wants you because you're his mummy and you comfort him and make him secure.
it IS full-on in the early days, but it does get easier, I promise.

lydiathetattooedlady · 20/01/2010 20:42

my health visitor suggested me to do cc today, ds is 6 1/2 months, i only lasted 10 minutes. 3 1/2 weeks is waaaay to young x

ImSoNotTelling · 20/01/2010 20:47

Gosh that is young. Can you try shifting him over when he is asleep? I guess he wakes up? With DD1 I used to do something not recommended but I was at the end of my tether... I used to use a cushion to support her when feeding then when she fell asleep I'd carefully move the cushion and put it in the moses basket. I don't think you're supposed to do that but she looked safe enough to me...

Don't know whether I should have written that or not.

Anyway I don't think you can just leave to cry at that age. It is really tiny. However a couple of mins while you go to the toilet isn't the end of the world - needs must and all that.

It won't last forever either, it seems like hell now but they gradually settle down. The first 6 weeks are the worst IME then they usually start to settle down a bit with sleeping and feeding and it's not quite so hard.

Congratulations BTW

fluffles · 20/01/2010 20:53

your DS is DEFINATELY not going to hate you. i could be wrong but i don't think comforting him without picking him up is 'controlled crying'... so don't worry about it being too young to do that.

it must be very hard - do you have a friend or your mum who can give you a tiny break occassionally?

you can't hold him 24/7, it's just not possible for you to do that and stay sane and healthy so you will have to try various techniques - will he sleep in the pram if you take him for a walk? when you comfort him in the moses basket does he fall asleep? is there any way you can get him into the basket once he's asleep (maybe with one of your tshirts so he can still smell you)?

Umami · 20/01/2010 20:59

Have you got a sling so that you can carry him around and get some bits and pieces done? Pop him down on a mat or towel in the bathroom while you have a quick shower etc.

ImSoNotTelling · 20/01/2010 21:12

i had a bouncy chair with a vibrate setting and it was the only thing that would calm DD1 down sometimes.

For some reason I decided she couldn't be on vibrate for more than 1/2 hour (don't know why) but one time I put her in and she fell asleep and I conked out. Woke some hours later and she was still asleep. I was convinced being vibrated for a couple of hours was the end of the world but 2 years on she is as bright as a button.

It's trial and error with all of this stuff I think, and they gradually get better by themselves anyway as they get used to life in the outside world...

I also used to take DD in and put her on the floor while i showered, I figured if she could see me it wasn't like I was completely leaving her IYSWIM

Newbeginning1 · 20/01/2010 21:20

I have a swinging chair and if i put DS down the maximum time i get for anything is 5 mins before hes screaming for me.

I took him out in the pushchair today and he nodded off but it wasnt a proper sleep because he kept waking up every 10 mins or so and opening 1 eye. Im sure he was checking i was still there.

At what age did your babies start sleeping in their moses baskets/cots?

OP posts:

ImSoNotTelling · 20/01/2010 21:43

thread here someone had the same problem, more advise.

Are you cosleeping? I don't like it myself but some people swear by it.

ImSoNotTelling · 20/01/2010 21:49

another person with the same problem

Newbeginning1 · 20/01/2010 22:03

Thanks ImSoNotTellig.

We are co sleeping because otherwise i wasnt getting any sleep but i would rather him be in a basket/pushchair.

It's good to know its not just me having these issues.

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Horton · 20/01/2010 22:15

Hi there. I'm not a single parent/lone parent but when my DD was small, I had very little help from my partner because of stupid working hours and have very few family and friends nearby. I found I could have a bath if I put DD in her moses basket awake beside the bath and kept popping my head up to talk to her etc. Would that be an option? I don't think your baby needs to be asleep for you to have a shower or bath, only entertained. I sang to DD and talked like a lunatic while I was in the bath and she did occasionally whinge a bit but was okay enough for me to get on with getting clean. It gets easier with time, I promise. Good luck to you, and I don't honestly think that leaving your child to cry at this age is a good idea unless you really have no other options. A shower or quick bath only takes five minutes and you can talk or sing for the whole time. Some babies find the shower noise quite soothing, too.

kalo12 · 20/01/2010 22:20

hi, it must be very tough on you. have you tried rocking him in his pram?, taking him out for a walk and then get home quick as soon as he falls asleep leaving him in his pram whislt you sleep.

leaving to cry is v bad and i am not surprised hv suggested it because they are mainly useless.

can you get your mum to come down and help support you/

ImSoNotTelling · 21/01/2010 08:58

How was last night? Have been thinking of you

Newbeginning1 · 21/01/2010 20:33

Last night was ok as we co slept together as i couldnt bear him crying. I have however decided to try putting him down tonight and then picking him when he cries, comforting him then putting him back down to see how that goes so wish me luck!!!

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ImSoNotTelling · 21/01/2010 23:23

Good luck with it!

If cosleeping is easier TBH if you're OK with it then I'd maybe just do that if I were you. If it means you both get some sleep.

It's always whatever gets you through in the early weeks for most people TBH. It does get better though, promise

Newbeginning1 · 22/01/2010 11:25

I might wait until his 6 week growth spurt is done then try because i tried picking him up, reassuring him then putting him down last night and im exhausted today!!

Thanks for your spport though

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dinkystinky · 22/01/2010 11:29

Is far too early to be doing sleep training! If you want to put him down to sleep, try swaddling - is a god send for babies who will only sleep on you - or cosleep together (I did this with DS2 until he was 8 weeks old then swaddled then phased into grobag in cot). Dont even bother with sleep training now - its just putting added pressure on you that you dont need - and you're doing a great job. Also - do you have a baby carrier/sling? You can put bubs in there to sleep during the day while you walk around and do stuff.

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