2 year old won't go to bed.

[chocolatestar]

My DS has always been a terrible sleeper. When he was a baby he wanted feed all the time and I hardly got any sleep at all. Now he is 2 years and 2 months and just got his big bed. He is not too bad now once he is asleep - ususally sleeps until six but getting him to bed is a nightmare.

I think our routine is ok. He has a bath, stories then is in bed for around eight. He is having none of it though and keeps getting up and screams as though it is the end of the world or asks for endless drinks/toys/tissues etc etc. We were trying just to keep putting him back until he gave up but after three weeks it was just as bad and it was so awful having to keep putting him back to bed while he was screaming his head off.

The last few days it has all fallen completly apart as either myself or DH has gone in his bed with him to fall asleep although even this is not easy has he still plasters about a fair bit before going to sleep. At least he is not screaming though.

He still has a nap - he gets up at six and just can't manage the day without one yet. We really don't know what to do but we would like an hour or two to ourselves at night and don't want to spend hours putting him to bed.

[BlueBumedFly]

Do you have a nightlight? DD did this at the same age so I was told she might be scared of the dark. I got a nightlight and 5 minute music box thingy and it solved it no problem. She had the task of putting thr nightlight on and the music then switching off the 'big' light and she seemed more responsive to going to bed.

Now she is 2.9 and stalls like there is no tomorrow but trying to get around that by giving her a doll I bed to 'rock to sleep' and a book too.

Good luck, it does my head in when she gets up 5 times for yet another wee!!

[Chandon]

keep the nap in !

The more tired a two year old is, the HARDER it is to get him to sleep (strange but true).

I used to let mine scream at that age, as a lot of toddlers do this.

It´s a power struggle and right now he is winning.

Bed time is bed time, no more toys-tissues-drinks. Best not to give any toys at all (no need to play, it´s sleep time!)

Set a timer, or watch clock and try to let him scream for as long as possible. Short term pain, long term gain.

Do not rewards his screaming by cuddling, brining more toys etc. If you give him his way becaue you hate to hear him scream, he will use screaming more and more to control you.

This worked for my two...it sounds kind of hard, but it´s not actually mean, is it? he needs his sleep, and you need yours!

HTH

[BigTillyMint]

Yes, if you want him to go to bed on his own and sleep well, good advice from Chandon and BBF!

My DS was / is a very active child and if he is over-tired, he finds it very difficult to get to sleep even now. It sounds odd, but the nap helped at that age to stop him getting over-tired.

However, if you are not bothered about him going to sleep on his own and sleeping through, etc , then just go with the flow. His flow.

Whatever works for your family is right for you.

[tapas]

OMG

Chandon has given the cruellest advice.

Let a 2 yr old cry for as long as possible....

Start saving for therapy now - your dc will need it..

[BigTillyMint]

You see.

What suits one family does not suit another.

There is no need to be judgey.

Luckily we never had to leave our children to cry / scream to get them to sleep well, they just did it from the start. I think they inherited the sleeping gene from DH

[tapas]

I'm sure it suits certain families to give their dc a quick slap.

I will be judgey as emotional neglect/cruelty is just as bad as physical.

Thanks for your enlightening views though bigtilly..

[Cathpot]

There might be something in the nightlight idea. Does he go off ok if you sit next to him in the dark? I ask because it might be a less stressful start point for you to work from.

We had a similar situation with our two year old who had always needed one of there to go to sleep. We moved from patting her to sleep, to just sitting next to her. Then we moved to sitting in the room but further away, and just in the last 2 months we put her in bed and go and sit on computer in the room next door so she can hear one of us pottering. Suduko on the DS was my saviour from going stir crazy in the dark waiting for her to go off. I quite miss it now as it was non guilty time out!

[Cathpot]

Oh and maybe combine it with a reward chart of some sort?

[Cathpot]

Thats the computer thingy DS rather than some sort of odd son based activity..

[tapas]

You phrased it sooo much better than me ladyinthe

Thank you

[cheesypopfan]

Hi - I have a 2.3 yr old (dc3) who we moved into a bed at just over 2. She settled great at first, but now we have the game virtually every night where she gets out of bed the minute we go downstairs and we tell her to go back and so on for about an hour.

A couple of things - I have sat in bed with her and sang a few nursery rhymes and this seems to calm her.

I give her a few books to 'read' in bed, and I find that helps.

If she really won't settle she goes into cot - still up for said times. This, though, rarely happens.

she still has a nap of up to 2hrs most days -have no desire to stop this as she would be soooo much grumpier otherwise!! Once alseep, like yours, she is fine for the night.

When DS was like this, I found putting the radio on very low in his room helped him to settle.
It's tiring, though, isn't it and I know i didn't want to get into the habit of staying with her till she slept - been there, difficult habit to break.

But when alls said and done, he is only 2 and you have to find some mays of coping that you feel comfortable with.

[chocolatestar]

He was climbing out of his cot - was scared he would fall on his head.

Well now I feel kind of shitty because I tried just putting him back all the time. If I sit in his room he just mucks about, if I get in his bed he just mucks about. It's two hours of being in the bed with him if we go that way which I just can't do every night as I have to have some time to do work around the house or stuff for my job.

I left a little light on and a singing lamb which made him cry because it was the wrong song apparently. I kept putting him back and tucking him back in bed and saying it's bedtime, or nothing at all. I didn't leave him. Do you think that is awful? I don't want to send him the message that I don't love him at night time - I would rather do the two hour stint than that. God being a parent is so confusing, I never know if I am doing the right thing or not.

[Cathpot]

Chocolatestar-dont panic! I think people are getting upset at the leaving to cry on and on suggestion, rather than the rapid return you were doing where he isnt being left.

This is bringing it all back to me- its so frustrating after a long day, I really value my adult time in the evenings and found it very hard to be calm and lovely when bdetime was dragging on and on.

Its difficult if you cant be in the room without him climbing out and playing etc. We had a bit of this at the start- she was 2.5 and has a dummy at night, so I started taking her dummy off her if she climbed out and giving it back as soon as she climbed back in. If she really wasnt having that I walked out with dummy for about 30secs and then came in again and said you can have it if you get back to bed. Once she had started to stay in bed, I then would sit next to her as long as she was lying down being quiet, otherwise I would leave for a minute or so, then come back in. I had forgotten about this phase actually til I started thinking about your post- its amazing how quickly you adapt to the next bit! It didnt last too long and then she started staying in bed.

I think you could maybe experiment with cutting down the nap time? I agree that sometimes getting rid of the nap isnt a good idea, but if he just isnt tired enough at bedtime that wont help. OK have to go parent for a bit. Dont feel bad- its a tricky business...

[PuppyMonkey]

Drop the daytime nap and put him to bed at 7pm instead. 7pm is the magic time...

Just keep taking him back to bed, no chat no fuss even if it 100 times. Things will settle.

[chocolatestar]

Ugh I am making such an ARSE of this. Started of with the putting him back, got an attack of guilt after half an hour and sat beside him. Swapped with DH after another half an hour, DH gave up after another half an hour and he has just gone to sleep now. It's my fault because I do give in and I need to just stay with it but I have to do it on my own as DH won't do the putting him back thing and gives up on the sitting with him thing.

Dropping the nap is hard because he is with my aunt in the day who likes him to have a sleep. Also when he goes to bed a ten which he just has, then gets up at six he can't get through the day. In the hollidays he stays in bed until eight and it is easier to not let him nap.

[JaynieB]

This is such a hard age at bedtime (for some, not everyone) when they still need a daytime nap, but sometimes aren't quite tired enough in the evening.
I found with my DD that if she got worked up it seemed to take even longer to calm her down again and get her to sleep. She's generally a good sleeper now (nearly 3 yo) but I sometimes used to bring her out of her bedroom and back to the lounge if she wouldn't settle. I had in mind that the advice to adults who can't sleep is to take yourself out of the bedroom and do something else - and I did this with her too, she was very happy to be with us and would then settle more easily putting her back maybe an hour later, especially if we then went to bed at the same time. It didn't seem to disrupt her waking time in the morning much either. No naps now during the day and it does make bedtime much more predictable.

[Cathpot]

That is awkward about the naps, as it would largely be your aunt getting the fall out. What time are you trying to put him to sleep? Could you just aim for a later bedtime for now and work on moving it back ten minutes a day once you are in a pattern? - youre not getting anything done anyway, and maybe when he is more tired it will be quicker? I can see JaynieB has a point about avoiding upset but I would be a bit worried if you try to put him down and he kicks off and you get him up again, he might think kicking off is the way ahead, whereas just putting him down later might shorten it all. At the moment it is a big stress point for everyone. Mayeb couple it with thinking of ways to make the bed more attractive- eg highly valued toy he can have ONLY when in bed?

What is your feeling- is he tired but unable to sleep himself or is he not really tired? I think you are right about picking a way forward and being consistent and maybe a combination of things might work. Break the pattern youre in now, later bedtime and more attractive bed environment.

[porcamiseria]

mine (22 months) wont either, no solutions but you have my profound sympathy, he used to sleep 9pm to 8am no dramas, but now he wont go to bed, and worse is waking screaming to the extens that one of us has to sleep with him. How on earth will we cope with a newborn come Sept I have no idea....

But you are not alone, lets hope its a phase......

[chocolatestar]

Eek - I hope it sorts itself out before your next one comes along!

Have decided to try the keep putting him back gently thing for one week with no giving in and if it is still a nightmare then I will just start going to bed with him at eight! He's almost asleep now I think - been one hour and fifty mins so far.

[Cathpot]

Its good to have a plan- and just keep reminding yourself- its only a phase, this too shall pass....

[chocolatestar]

Last night I only had to put him back once! We were an hour later than normal as we had been out for tea but I still couldn't believe it. Wonder how it will be tonight.