Do you ever get the feeling that you are doing it all wrong?

[Aleesmum]

Hi,

Do you ever get the feeling that you are doing it all wrong and thats why your DC doesn't sleep?

I mean, I have a 9 month old DS who is BF, BLW and we cosleep. Though sometimes I think maybe that is why he doesn't sleep?

Maybe I should just give him formula, spoon feed and move him into the other room... don't have the heart to do it though

But at the same time, it does drive me crazy.......

[barbareebaahumbug]

Yep!
I have a 13 month old and we have followed the same path as you! Have good nights and bad nights with the cosleeping - but reckon would be even harder if I had to get out of bed/ make a bottle.
I am not up for sleep training at all and believe this way is the right way (if you have a baby like mine - v.v. clingy) Am jealous of those whose baby's like to sleep in cots and sleep all night but mine never liked it - found it distressing so this is how am dealing with it.
Also, they go through so many phases of 'bad' sleep. It strikes me that in the first year, if not for longer (I haven't got that far yet!) you might get your wee one to learn how to sleep well at 3 months but then the massive growth spurt at 4 months blows all your hard work out the water then you get them sleeping again and they start teething. Then it's separation anxiety then the whole bit when they start to learn to walk they want to stay up and think about walking! Gah! Imagine how frustrating all that would be if you kept thinking you'd cracked the sleeping through thing
That's what I keep telling myself anyway!
Sounds like you are doing a grand job! The co-sleeping thing (I have found) does get easier as they get older and bigger. Hang on in there!

[Aleesmum]

Thanks barbareebaahumbug

I agree, I think it would be much harder to not do what I am doing and try to put him in his own room or give him a bottle etc, especially coz he is so used to things this way, and he likes them!

Its good news that cospleeping gets easier I wouldnt mind a baby who likes sleeping in a cot though ;) but I cant do CC so i'm sticking to it!

Ah and those growth spurts, and colds and teething....argh! I haven't got to the walking one yet but I am getting there

Thing is usually we put him to bed around 7.30 and then go to bed ourselves around 11.30. And in this time he wakes up 2 to 3 times and I pt him back to sleep by feeding or rocking.
But the past week he has been waking up every half an hour, sometimes even before I leave the room! and I dont know what is wrong....
Maybe its just a phase? I hope so!

[camflower]

funnily enough i've been thinking that myself. can't manage to make ds have daytime naps (unless he is being pushed in the buggy) and i feed to sleep at night/during the night - isn't that page one of the 'how not to do it' manual??

[barbareebaahumbug]

Am certain it will be just a phase Aleesmum Just when you think it's going the right way they go and move the goalposts!! We are having a good phase at the minute. Over time it has become easier not to give boob at night. Ds complains for literally 2 seconds then rolls over and falls asleep. Hurray! Also, when he wakes in the evening (I do the same as you - go to bed around 11.30) I've been lying next to him instead of feeding and it is working.

It might be very different tonight though!

The first 4 months of his life I basically sat with ds on my knee. He screamed anywhere else - even in the pram (so embarrasing/ distressing for all!) So he never had a nap anywhere else other than on me. I had so much flack from my family but am so glad I did it this way now - you can't get that time back and I reckon (please God!!) you get back what you put in so at some point along the line all that effort will be worth it!

We have turned a corner here this week. I think ds has realised that sleep is good! A few months ago he would resist getting into his sleeping bag - now he throws himself on it and giggles while it's fastened up! He has started having naps - yesterday he had a nap for an hour and a half by himself - this has never happened before. I think we have turned a corner and the gentle approach is paying off.

So sorry for the long waffle but I suppose I want to say that I never thought (although I hoped) that things would get better but they are - slowly. Teeny tiny steps.

p.s. I do think that feeding to sleep is the loveliest thing ever and completely what nature intended - don't read the books!!

[Lizum]

Ditto here. DS is 14 months, doesn't sleep through and won't settle in cot once we're in bed. Can't face CC but sometimes it's me crying through lack of sleep. The next night though, co-sleeping is the best thing in the world! I think we'll just carry on as we are and hope DS will grow out of it.

[Lizum]

P.S he's crying again. Looks like it's my bed time...

[leeloo1]

Oh yes! And (even better) the doctor even told me I'm doing it all wrong. mean cow

DS has just turned 15mths and is BF, BLW but sleeps in his own cot (I'd love to co sleep but he leaps all over us in our bed).

Apparently (according to dr) I should stop BFing - esp at night and do CC for at least a week - as 2 hours of him crying himself to hysterics and vomiting the one time I tried it shouldn't have put me off apparently ). If I can't do that I should get someone else to have him for a weekend and they'll be able to get him to sleep as I can't.

So... not only am I a bad mother for BFing and not doing CC so 'he can get a good night's sleep' but someone else could clearly do it all far better! Nice to get that bit of reassurance from your healthcare professional!

[ImSoNotTelling]

Oh what a sad thread.

You are all doing a grand job, don't listen to anyone else. No-one knows your babies like you do, you must do what you feel is right, striking a balance between their needs and yours.



If it helps (it may not) DD1 was BF and BLW and always slept like a dream, DD2 same thing but she is not getting it at all. They are all different and what works for one doesn't work for others.

[Aranea]

I think probably bf and co-sleeping does mean that your baby is less likely to sleep through when they're still small. But the question is how much does that matter and is it 'wrong'?

I have bf and co-slept with both of mine and they have both been frequent wakers but easy to get back to sleep with a feed or a cuddle. So it doesn't bother me, and for me it feels completely natural. I think it's very natural and normal for babies and toddlers to wake in the night wanting their mother to help them get back to sleep. It is so sad that we're made to feel we're failing somehow when we go with the flow and allow this to happen.

Yes, it's quite possible that if you switch to formula, stop the night feeds, put your baby in another room and do controlled crying he will leave you undisturbed for longer periods. But is that your top priority?

They are babies for such a short time and I think we tend to expect them to be babies for even less time than they would naturally be, iyswim. It's not for long. Enjoy it, don't feel bad.

[BertieBotts]

Have you read the book "What Mothers Do" by Naomi Stadlen? It's worth a read if you haven't.

Also there was a lovely thread on here a while ago about a MNer who had done everything the "AP" way and had lots of hassle from family, doctors, HVs, friends etc telling her her DD was "clingy" and she had made a rod for her own back etc, and her DD was now older and she could see that she was confident, affectionate, articulate and that it had all been worth it in the end. I will try to find it but I think it might have been in chat.

[ImSoNotTelling]

I have heard that book mentioned a lot i might take a look.

That and the no cry sleep solution