Gradual retreat question

[cbmum]

Has anyone done this successfully? My DD is 14 months old and to date has slept through all night only a handful of times. Recently, it's been good if she managed to stay in her own bed until 10pm when she then wakes lots and eventually at about 1am after getting up to her loads I end up putting her in my bed otherwise I get no sleep. Her sleep has also been upset but the arrival of molars plus starting nursery so loads of bugs. However, I've decided to try and tackle this once and for all.

She loves music and in desperation two weeks ago I tried some baby friendly classical music whilst trying to get her to sleep at some ungodly hour. It calmed her immediately. Up until now she has always been cuddled to sleep.

I've cuddled her to sleep with the music in the background for the past 2 weeks and today managed to graduate to putting her in her cot, music on and hold her hand while she fell asleep both at lunchtime and just now. How long does it take to move from this to being able to put her down for bed, put music on and she sorts herself out? Anyone else been through this?

Also, does anyone else have the problem that their DD/DS goes to bed fine (as does mine usually) but it's between 10pm and 3am that the problems occur with them not being able to go back to sleep without help from you? I've had 14 months of next to no sleep and really hope this starts to work soon!

[Penny70]

Hi
I followed the Mill Pond Sleep Clinic's Gradual Retreat method successfully when my DS was about 9 mths. Previously I had always bf him to sleep. You need to put ds down awake so she learns to put herself to sleep. If she can do this she is more likely to be able to resettle herself when she wakes at night.
Basically you start by putting them down awake (but tired) and sit right next to them, possibly even with a hand on them in the cot. You do that for three nights. Then you move away a little or just say remove the hand. And you stay there for three nights. After that move away a little more and so on and so on every three nights until you are right next to the door, then out the door. It took me about 2-3 weeks. There was a bit of crying in the first few nights and some nights it took him quite a while to go to sleep but in the end it worked. I started off just doing it in the evenings but then brought it in for the naps as well. DS had been such a bad sleeper both day and night I never believed anything would change but it did. He now mostly (except when teething or sick but you will never get away from that) sleeps through the night and has much better naps. He does wake at 5-6 am which is a drag but after months of broken sleep this I can deal with for now, though will have to tackle at some point.
I borrowed the Mill Pond book from my local llibrary but you can buy it from their website too. They are well respected and quite successful and have useful and practical advice.
Good luck!

[cbmum]

Thanks Penny70 -at least I know it may work albeit eventually. The problem we seem to be having is that DD is has been ill on and off for a month, and now has 3 molars coming through so although I can usually get her to go down ok without having to cuddle her to sleep it all then goes wrong in the middle of the night. (Last night she was up from 1-4am, awake and calm for some but screaming for much of it!). It's ot much fun a the moment but hopefully once the molars are through things may be easier?

[leeloo1]

Hi cbmum, I could have written your post!!! DS is 14 months in 2 days, he's never slept that well, although usually is only up 1 or 2 times and is quickly fed back to sleep, but more recently (last month or so?) he's been teething and had a constant cold and has been up loads and even after BFing he won't go back to sleep - he seems to settle, waits til I'm back under the duvet and then screams again. He self-settles at bed time (pretty much) but is up lots from anywhere between 11 and 4 - usually around 1 is the worst.

Last night, in desperation I tried (after many friends told me it was the way forward etc etc) controlled crying at 1am after DS had been up howling 3 times in the space of an hour and it was awful. I went in every 5 minutes or so to settle him but he immediately stood back up again and screamed without stopping for 1.5 hours. In the end none of us could take it anymore and I tried to feed him, but he was frantic and agitated by that point and I just held him (when he'd calmed down enough to let me) while he sobbed himself to sleep. I felt like such an awful mother and I so won't be trying that again.

So if you have any success with anything then please let me know as I could really do with some advice (that doesn't involve cc)!

[cbmum]

Thank goodness I'm not the only one walking around looking as though I'm holding it all together but actually so tired I think I'll need a week of non-stop sleeping to recover. (Oh, and no chance of that as I've just found out this weekend I'm pregnant with number 2!).

Last night was truly horrid, I live in hope that each night will be better. I know I couldn't do CC so I haven't even tried. The music in the background is certainly helping as it calms DD and me too. I managed to get her down again tonight with no cuddles, just holding her hand then once she's turned onto her back rubbing her back for a few minutes. She's been asleep from 7.30 to now (9.45) - so far so good. Witching hour could start any time between 10.30 and 1am!

I know it's not what the books recommend but I'm going with the plan of try to settle her when she wakes in the night without having to cuddle her but after 15 minutes if that doesn't work give myself a break. Oh, and tonight she's getting a 5oz bottle and more calpol. Cover all bases I reckon!

One last thing - if I manage to get her to stay out of my bed until 4am I consider that a success!!