no sleep, all the time

[MudMum]

My 15 month old DS is a terrible sleeper. We were co-sleeping but this was starting to affect my relationship, my DP was under the illusion that he'd be out of our room/bed by 6 months. When this didn't happen we compromised and DS has had his own cot in his own room for a month. I read Pantley, Sears, and Gordon to find the least painful way to do this.

This has been the longest month of my life!

I stopped bf'ing in the night and he coped with this ok. DP goes up first to settle him, and is sometimes able to settle him esp between 8 - 11, he always wakes at least once. Then after midnight DS goes completely berserk, he won't be calmed, sometimes he'll feed but he doesn't settle afterward and wakes as soon as we put him in his cot. He wants to sleep, but only on one of us. DP is getting to the point where he thinks there is something wrong with DS (he has two other children, share residence) but I'm telling him there are other babes like this.

I really don't understand CC, how does it work, it seems like we are doing this anyway as he criesm though we are in with him.

What on earth can I do? We feel like crap everyday, my husband almost drove off the road. I really don't want to go back down the co-sleeping road again though as it was getting to the point where he's so restless no one slept that way either

don't know if anyone can help and know there are lots of posts like this, but any advise/reassurance for us?

[murphyslaw]

Ok - you may want to talk with your health visitor but after raising 3 kids I believe you need to be firm.

Why does the cot need to be in your room? My kids were all in their own rooms by 8 weeks old. I think a bit of tough love may need to be in order.

Reestablish your bed time routines - bath (lavender oil?), milky drink, story etc.

Then place in cot in own room! Leave to cry and go in every 5 mins until settled dont talk just tuck in and walk back out. Think theres a book on this (Dr Ferber?) Eventually after about a week they get the message! Its a tough week but I am so glad we did it. Same procedure if they wake in the night. Do not lift out of cot or engage in conversation!

I have the opposite problem now - a teenager who I struggle to get up !

Good luck it is hard but they are worth every minute.

[ches]

What MurphysLaw describes is CC. Staying with your child is not CC, and IMO is a much gentler approach, although it may result in more overall crying because a 15 mo is just learning to communicate and probably getting frustrated that the parents he sees are not doing what he wants them to do (i.e. pick him up).

It is v. v. hard with a child who doesn't sleep. DS is battling 2yr molars and is back where he was a year ago, with four wakings being a good night. The only way I survived (30 min each way drive commute, work full-time) was to co-sleep, but DS sleeps snuggled and isn't a wiggler.

In your situation I suggest you completely babyproof your DS's bedroom and move from cot to single bed mattress on the floor. When he wakes you can lie down with him and either fall asleep yourself or extricate yourself and go back to bed. If the room is fully baby-safe and you shut the door, with monitor, the mattress on the floor should be equally safe as a cot.

[Dominique07]

We co-sleep and I share your frustration. Putting DS in his own room meant me sitting/falling asleep next to him in the cot, and him jumping out of the cot 2 hours later - repeat throughout the night. The lack of sleep takes all the fight out of you. I'm sorry not to have advice but good luck.

[MudMum]

Hello all, thanks for the suggestions and advise! Some really good ideas I've not tried or thought of.

Last night was horrendous, but made even worse by the fact(and this is totally true but seems unbelievable) he slept from 9 to 6 the previous night! It was a total miracle, and I guess a one off. I had to check on him twice to make sure he hadn't bumped his head or something. It really nice, gave us hope, but last night he was back to the usual hysterics esp between 12 and 2. Well said, Dominique, takes the fight out of you! so we ended up with him in our bed and me feeding him to sleep. I woke up angry with him which I know is not good and he does not deserve

I did go see the HV on Wed, her first words were 'this has to be quick because clinic has run over' so that made me feel like crying. She said that she thinks he's not able to settle again through the night because I bf right before sleep, suggested I bf earlier, and extend the routine to settle through reading, cuddles, etc.

What do you think? He does love the right before bed feed and it certainly gets him to sleep. It feels like we'd be back to square one by changing that now, as he does go down quite happily.

Thank you thank you for your ideas, you are so right, murpheyslaw they are worth it in the end! (though such such hard work)

[ches]

In my experience, stopping feeding to sleep made no difference.