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Please don't laugh at me...

(10 Posts)
fluffles Tue 04-Aug-09 10:29:00

i have always wanted children even though i'm not that excited about the baby stage but now i am at ttc stage i really am genuinely and deeply worried about the sleep deprivation.

when i have really disturbed sleep my personality changes and i turn into the grumpiest monster on the planet (inbetween being the teariest) and there's no way i'd want to be married to me when i'm like that so i can't expect OH to live with it. after a longer period of disturbed sleep i also get utterly debilitating migraines during which i'm blind and confused and should not be in charge of myself nevermind a baby.

people laugh and tell you you'll never sleep again if you have a baby but for me it's a genuine worry and so far has put me off having the children i want to have.

I am worried i'll turn into an evil, snappy, shreiking nightmare and OH will leave me (understandably) or that i'll have a really bad migraine with the baby in the house and she/he'll come to some harm because i can't see or think properly sad

theyoungvisiter Tue 04-Aug-09 10:35:50

there is some kind of hormonal thing that kicks in when you have a small baby and makes it slightly more bearable. It also makes you sleep more lightly and be more easily woken by your baby's cries.

Before I had kids I couldn't do without 8 hours straight and would be a monster if I got woken up by so much as a car alarm. I was also a heavy sleeper and found it very hard to wake.

Now I have not had an unbroken night for 8 months straight, and very few (I could count them easily) in more than 3 years. And yet I'm sane and even happy. I can get up at 6am after 7 broken hours spent feeding DS2, and make breakfast for DS1 and then conduct a normal conversation. I would not have believed it possible if I'd known the extent of sleep deprivation before I had kids, but you do cope surprisingly well.

I'm not sure about the impact on migraines as I don't suffer from them, perhaps someone else will be along to help with that - but honestly your body does adapt and the hormone thing is true and well-researched (er, don't ask me where though!)

fluffles Tue 04-Aug-09 11:54:36

thanks theyoungvisitor that's reassuring... i don't think the migraines will come if i don't feel exhausted.. but i don't know.

maybe i will try to find some way of dealing with the migraines in emergency - e.g. a one button speeddial to OH to say one is coming on and i can't be alone... i wonder what epileptic parents do?

elk4baby Tue 04-Aug-09 12:53:26

hi fuffles, I was in your shoes about a year ago...worrying about the disturbed nights and the debilitating migraines I got on a regular basis...

Now with a 3.5 month old, I really am wondering how I could possibly be coping so well. (btw, pregnancy was absolute bliss migraine-wise - after the first trimester not even one! ) theyoungvisiter is right, your body or rather it's reaction to sleep deprivation changes once it's your baby that's causing it (I wonder how adoptive parents cope hmm).

To my surprise, I can honestly say that I've had two or three migraines since having DS (that's amazing, as I used to get a couple every week) and bad/contrasting weather was most likely the cause. Yes, if your baby decides to scream when you have one, it's difficult to deal with, very difficult.
Once I almost yelled at DS out of frustration and being in painshock blush, so I lay him down in his cot so he's safe and left the room for a minute (yes, I timed it) to calm down and have a drink of water. It was actually all I needed to get that 'second wind' - went back in, calmed him down in a couple of minutes actually and we were both just fine.

Somehow mother nature seems to know what she's doing . I think it's extremely rare for a woman to have a baby she's unable to care for well.
By OB/GYN used to say that every woman has a baby that's 'just the right size' for her, and I think this can be extended to 'just the right temperament' as wellwink.

allaboutme Tue 04-Aug-09 13:00:58

This was the thing I was most worried about too.
In fact I was SO worried that when DS1 was born it was a real pleasant surprise. I think it is right that with a baby, the sleeplessness is different to normal tiredness and doesnt affect you in the same way.

Picante Tue 04-Aug-09 13:04:36

I was exactly the same.

I'm still horrible when I've had a bad night, but your body definitely adapts.

Please don't let it put you off having children, it really is worth it!

ches Wed 05-Aug-09 02:14:18

A relatively short period of broken sleep is a drop in the ocean of the lifetime of your child. There is NO reason you as the mum have to be stuck home in charge of the baby, migraine or not. There are nurseries and stay-at-home dads, plus grandparents and nannies. A baby's sleep and night waking habits are not the exclusive problem of the mother. Frankly if your DH leaves you because you are sleep deprived he's a rubbish DH (not supporting you to get you the sleep you need) and you're better off without him. wink

madusa Wed 05-Aug-09 22:08:50

some babies do sleep well.

My first baby - a girl, was sleeping 11 - 7 by 5 weeks old. (neither of my boys were that young though when they slept through the night sadly)

Would your partner be able to help much?

Could you afford to get a night nanny to help?

You will probably find thatt you're on such a high after having your baby that you won't miss the sleep anyway!

Catch up on sleep during the day.... have a snooze with the baby. This is particularly easy if you choose to breastfeed as the baby will snuggle in and feed whilst you sleep

PerArduaAdNauseum Wed 05-Aug-09 22:12:32

Re the migraines - do put a safety plan in place - it'll make you more relaxed, and make it less likely you'll get one. Doesn't have to be any more complicated than baby to cot - phone to DH - fluffles to drugs. And keeping your blood sugar stable is as important esp if BF - fruit cake is highly recommended for this smile

fluffles Thu 06-Aug-09 22:03:56

thanks everyone.

my DP will help and he's a terrible sleeper himself so will always be woken whatever happens but i'm sure if i'm a new mum i wont be able to just ignore my baby's crys and sleep through...

also, would want to bf and dp will need to go back to work after the 2wks paternity.

anyway, thanks as i said, you have reassured me that maybe i could survive... just a shame people in rl still think it's hilarious to tell me how awful it will be hmm

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