What time does your 8yr old go to sleep?

[CheekyGirl]

My dd is just 8 and goes to bed at 8:30pm but never sleeps before 9:30 and tonight it was 10! She's up between 7 and 7:30am.

I am worried that this isn't enough sleep. I try to keep bedtime calm and we do lots of reading etc but once lights are out, she seems to hop in and out of bed a lot - just going to the toilet (again), getting a sip of water, fetching a cuddly toy...........

I keep explaining to her that she needs to lie and relax, but she seems to find it hard to relax and 'switch off'.

She is generally a calm sort of child so I don't understand this seeming energy and lack of tiredness at bedtime.

Ideas???

[ingles2]

does she seem tired during the day cheekygirl?
My ds2 goes to bed, has lights out and no more getting up between 8.30 and 9pm.
He then gets up full of beans at 6.30 latest.
So similar amount of sleep really... he never seems tired.
I wouldn't worry, but you can try putting on audio cd before sleep. Ds2 loves this.

[GuessWhatIAmANameChanger]

Basically I am very firm about bedtime, drinks, toilets etc are all done before bed and are not done again (except if the child wakes again in the night of course). Reading for 15 mins, lights out and that is it. No messing around is tolerated. If they keep getting up then they get 5 mins taken off the next days bedtime (and I stick to it).

All of mine are/were in bed at 7.30 and lights out at 8.45 by this age. IMHO you cannot tell what lack of sleep is doing to your child until you change it. It may seem that they are doing fine, generally pleasant, achieving at school, happy. Then you get them an extra hour or more sleep a night and you see such dramtic changes that you feel bad that you did not do it sooner. I found this out with dd2 who found it very hard to sleep. I thought I had been hardline with her until I had finally had enough - she was 6 and could not sleep before 9.30/10 every night. For 1 week we went through hell but I stuck at it and she learnt to be asleep by 7.30. The difference in my (already happy and bright) child was astounding I was honestly horrified that I had not addressed it sooner and felt guilty about all the times she had missed out on because of my apathy towards getting it sorted!

It is difficult when it is hot etc but, simply, if they are not in bed lying stillish they are never going to get to sleep are they!

[CheekyGirl]

you're right namechanger, this is what I keep telling her! She's generally such a good girl, so I don't understand it.

Tried the audio book trick, but she just stayed awake longer to hear the end of the story! Ditto relaxation cd!

[gigglewitch]

mine's still awake ... he is too hot.

Usually he's asleep by 8.30-9pm on a school night, listening to stories on his ipod after we have read "live" stories for him and ds2. Also have the inability to relax that you describe, cheekygirl.

[GuessWhatIAmANameChanger]

IMO (and I am aware that other disagree) a child cannot easily sleep with stimulation as it is the opposite to the required effect IYSWIM. If stimulation is not working try lack of stimulation! Also, at 8yo she is too young to discuss and understand fully the implications of not getting to sleep earlier. Being involved in the process is important but being involved in the decision is different. As the parent you decide what is going to happen and as the interested party she helps with ideas of how to make it happen IYSWIM! (like I say though, this is my approach now so please don't feel that I am trying to be some kind of dicatator here, everyone finds different approaches that fit!)

[GuessWhatIAmANameChanger]

Maybe I am too harsh... My 11 nearly 12yo goes to bed at 8.30 - 9 on school nights

[kid]

My 7 year old goes to bed at 8:30 and is asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow. My 10 year old also goes to bed at 8:30 but is often up and down like a yoyo until 10.

Some nights she is worse than others, I find that threatening her with an earlier bedtime the following night usually makes her at least stay in bed.

[FAQinglovely]

DS1 - nearly 9. Goes up at 8.45 - usually asleep by 10 - average seems to be 9.30. WAkes up between 5.30 and 6.30am (yes he's improve from between 4 and 5). It's not enough sleep - he's usually tired and grump - but we live with it now .

[Yurtgirl]

My is 8 in september
He moaned at me today that everybody goes to bed later than him "I mean EVERYBODY"

I do the whole bedtime routine thing from 6.45 lights off at 8
It was way earlier than that until quite recently
He is awake everymorning at 6am full of beans - if he goes later he is still awake at 6 but grumpy - so 8 it stays

Quit moaning ds

[GuessWhatIAmANameChanger]

I am stunned - my 14yo is in bed before 10 on a school night and is asleep by 10/10.15 at the absolute latest. I can't believe your dc are up this late!

[FAQinglovely]

Guessswhat - my DS2 (5) and DS3 (2) go to bed at 8pm . Always have done and will continue to do so for a few more years yet

[GuessWhatIAmANameChanger]

I must admit, one of the great things about getting a handle on dd2 was getting back my evenings - even though she was in bed, the fact that she was still awake meant I couldn't relax properly. It is possible that part of my shock is actually horror at all you Mums who are still going through the same thing - maybe I am selfish but, I find my childless evenings to be a vital part of the day IYSWIM

[CheekyGirl]

Right again, name changer!! this is what I said to dh - I can't relax fully knowing she is still awake!!

I don't like to get cross with her, as she isn't exactly being naughty - just unable to relax!!

has anyone tried homeopathy or anything similar??

[blametheparents]

Maybe lavendar sprayed on her pillow might help her relax?
Though she will actually have to be in bed for it to work

DS was 8 yesterday (Happy Birhtday DS) and he goes to bed at 8 and reads til 8.30pm. He is awake between 5.45 and 6.30. He reads in his room until 6.45am.
He has always been an early riser, and even if in bed later he still wakes early and is then grumpy all the next day!
He sometimes has an early night - 7.30 bed, 8 lights out - often when DH is working late (now I wonder why that is?!)

[ABetaDad]

CheekyGirl - DS1 (9) and DS2 (7) are in bed at 7.45 p.m. Read for bit then asleep 8.15 p.m and out of bed 6.45 a.m

Your DD is gettting 9.5 hours of sleep and our DSs are getting 10.5 hours. However, our DSs do a lot of sport which makes them tired.

Does your DD do any really tiring excercise? If not, she will not need a lot of sleep.

[GuessWhatIAmANameChanger]

You don't need to be cross with her! I just changed the rules and stuck to it. Dd was involved, she was told what the new rules would be, we discussed the fact that things like cds etc were not helping. We practiced relaxation techniques before hand (tensing and relaxing muscles, picturing positive, calm places and so on) so as I knew she had all the tools I could arm her with before we began. On the first night she pulled out all the stops and I did exactly what I had told her I would - said, "no, it is sleep time" took her to her bed and left her there. She tried drinks, toilet, stories, tv... you get the idea. Each night before bed I reminded her of the new rules and what we were trying to do (help her be able to fall asleep by herself at a good time). She had to think about the things she needed to do to let that happen (I need to get a drink, go to the toilet, relax..). Each morning I congratulated on something - even if I had to, more or less, make it up!

It was quite painless just... intense IYSWIM

[FAQinglovely]

well we chose 8pm when we were getting DS1 into a bedtime routine when he was 6 months old......and it just stuck with the others

Still get 4 hours of childfree time - as DS1 who goes up at 8.45 just gets on with something quietly - infact I've been known to forget he's still up until he suddenly says "night mum" LOL.

[GuessWhatIAmANameChanger]

I don't think 8 is particularly late really, later than I would like for a 7/8 yo but not a time that makes me suck air over my teeth like a plumber on an emergency callout on a christmas weekend

It is the not being asleep until 9.30/10 that seems a bit much too me - just because I have been there - and out the other side and I know where I am intending to stay

[CheekyGirl]

Well, things seem to be improving - slightly. She is now at least staying in bed! I reminded her to do everything/get everything she needed before lights out so that there would be NO excuse for getting up. Seems to be helping, just reminding her to do this each night....