Removal of Dummy, what have we done? HELP PLEASE, very worried

[emmabillie]

Hello there. We decided to take the dummy from daughter cold turkey in the hope that she would wake up less times once she forgot all about it. It seems to have done the opposite, she gets hysterical when she is tired and cries until she is exhausted. Also, she refuses to sleep in her cot, day and night so any routine we had has gone pear shaped. She used to wake up several times in the night but at least she was a very happy baby. Do we give her the dummy back and do CC or do CC without the dummy? Help please! Very worried we have made a big mess of everything...

[Janni]

You don't say how old your baby is.

I would be inclined to give her back the dummy and try again when she's older.

[pudding25]

How old is she and how long have you been trying? We just went cold turkey with DD last Sunday at 16 wks. It took 3 days and now is amazing. She even slept through the night for the first time last night.

[emmabillie]

she is 12 months, sorry. Not quite a baby anymore! Thanks..
We did CC when she was approx 8 motnhs but after 3 days of vomiting, we gave up..

[emmabillie]

And this is the 5th day by the way..we started on Wed last week. It has been very grim!

[ivykaty44]

My dd had a dummy until she was 3 years old - mostly at night( like your dd she would wake sometimes in the night and having a dummy she would suck it to death and go back to sleep) and the odd time in the day if grouchy. We said goodbye to dummy when she was 3.3 and although she would have really liked to keep dummy it seemed to be ok.

You can take a dummy away or restrict it's use - your dd may find her thumb as a replacement.....

[pudding25]

Oh poor you. I think it probaby is taking longer as she is older. How have you been doing it and comforting her?

[emmabillie]

I think our problem with sleeping is more than just wanting the dummy. She seems to want us to be there as she will also wake up sometimes with the dummy in!. So it is clearly not enough at times...

[FlightAttendent]

Just give it back. CC is awful imo and best avoided, babies just don't sleep that much at this age - it is far easier to just accept that and make the best of it rather than try and force a sleep pattern on her when she perhaps isn't ready yet.

She just needs something for comfort, there is nothing wrong with that.

[emmabillie]

I have been bringing her into bed with me as she was so upset. But that does not seem to be enough. She will carry on crying for ages...hopefully we have not changed her personality. We both dread naps and evenings now! As if it was not hard enough going to work after getting up in the night several times...it is easy to feel like a failure!

[pudding25]

flighattendant Sorry, I don't agree, Babies can and do sleep well at that age.

emmabillie She is probably still crying when you take her into bed as she has become so overtired. Did she go down with the dummy easily in her cot before? Was she in a sleeping routine already for naps and bedtime?

[emmabillie]

She used to fall asleep relatively well on a bed in the nursery or directly in her cot after a little bit of complaining. The same for day time naps. She would usually wake up a couple of times for her dummy before we went to bed and then 2 times at night more or less. The first time was easy, dummy would be enough. The second time, 5am or slightly earlier was the hard one. She would refuse to sleep on her own in the cot. And becaue of work, I have given in many times and brought her into bed...

[TECHnicalSpecification]

I'd give it back. If she didn't sleep that well before, even with the dummy in then you're right that the dummy is not your issue. 5 days is quite a long time for her to still be distraught and refusing to settle even if she's in bed with you.

Having a dummy that is restricted to sleep times is not going to do any damage. Dd had a dummy until she was 2.10 when the dummy fairy visited and took it away, leaving a Dora doll she could cuddle in bed instead.

I would also perhaps look into some of the gentler sleep training methods such as Elizabeth Pantley's No Cry Sleep Solution or Gradual Withdrawl/Retreat rather than CC as CC just gets harder as they get older. I think you identified the problem when you say she wants you to be there and both those methods involve you staying with them for a time.

Pudding25, it's fairer to say some babies can and do sleep well and that age. I speak from the experience of having had 2 dcs who have slept through from 4mo, one with a dummy, one without and now have ds2 who is 20mo and very rarely sleeps through the night, despite us trying every sleep training method ever written. Some babies just do not sleep and it's nothing to do with routines or parenting, it's luck.

[pudding25]

Sorry, you are right, I should have said some.
I don't really know what you should do now. It depends how much her waking in the night looking for dummy disturbs you and her.

[emmabillie]

Hello again. You all have good points. thanks! Hubby and I really feel like giving her the dummy back may be the best option but also means that we have gone through 5 days of hell for nothing

[emmabillie]

that was meant to be a sad face by the way!

[TrinityRhino]

please give it her back and yes she is still very much a baby

[FlightAttendent]

Sorry I wasn't writing carefully, am v tired, ignore me! I have always just co slept with mine as I realised it was the only way anyone got any kip

There is just no point worrying about it iyswim, babies find their own way and time to self-settle. You don't have to try so hard. They all do it in the end.

What I was trying badly to say is that if you are able just to accept that they will need to be near you and you haven't done anything wrong, it's just the way they are built, you might find it easier to stop stressing about it and blaming yourself and getting into a panic.

There's no need. If you are comfortable with doing so thehn there's nothing wrong with having her in your bed or in a cot beside your bed, with one side removed and a bolster stuffed between to stop up the gap.

It sounds like she is having some anxiety atm, has anything else changed lately - child care, nursery, you going out more often etc etc to maybe trigger this?

[Olihan]

I found that all my 3 went through a big separation anxiety phase at 12mo, morphing from babies who'd go to anyone to absolute Klingons. I think it's a fairly normal phase, tbh.

If I were you I'd give her the dummy back and do some work on helping her settle in her cot with you there so she feels secure in her cot.

[emmabillie]

Thanks again. We have been talking about all possibilities for days now, as we don't want to get it wrong again. At the same time, we cannot have another year of feeling tired and down all the time and being stressed at work because we are not awake. It would be nice to be able to do things as a family on weekends etc instead of thinking when is her next nap so that I can have a break!. I am not the best sleeper myself so being woken up 2-3 times (or more) a night, is having a big impact on my life. We are both too scared of having more kids in case we have this problem again!

[FlightAttendent]

Oh dear

sorry you are having such a hard time of it.

Sadly this is very very common! My mother says she didn't sleep a full night till her youngest went to school. She only had two of us and that was 7 years up the creek!

I think you just have to do your best really.

[FlightAttendent]

fwiw I usually sleep pretty well, even if ds does wake for a feed a few times a night. (The few times I tried (my mother insisted - she was wrong!) to put ds1 in his own room, I was up half the night, completely zonked, unable to function...it was horrific.)

I put it down to being right next to him - he settles far better, barely has to whisper to get his night feed, and I just have to roll over and stick boob in his mouth

Ds1 has slept really well for a few years now, he is just 5 and now wanders off to bed to settle himself when he is tired. One day I will persuade him to sleep in his own room though

[Milsy]

Hi Emmabillie. My son had a dummy and I was up all night replacing it for him. In the end I bought him a comforter from www.sleepytot.com, it has these velcro paws so you can put dummies on and take them off. At least it meant he could get the dummy himself without a problem in the night. And I told him the comforter would be his friend and keep him safe at night. He loves it now, snuggles up and goes to sleep and can get the dummy when he needs to. He might call for us every now and then but I just go in, check he's ok and leave him to it. It's rare that he wakes us up at all anymore to be honest! Maybe worth a try. x

I feel for you. Let us know how it all goes. x

[emmabillie]

Hello Milsy, many thanks for your post. Emma is just over 12 months so I am not sure she would understand what I am saying...and when she wakes up she kicks and punches all the teddys and blankets out of the way and extends her arms towards us. Reason being that I have always been there when the crying starts very quickly so that it did not escalate. So she is totally dependant on us to fall asleep. We are still without dummy but she really struggles to fall asleep during the day. She only slept half an hour at nursery today! And we have kind of given up for a while and are cosleeping. This way we all get some rest. But of course, long term it could be a big problem!. I shall have a look at the website right not though. Thanks again, x

[emmabillie]

Milsy, they look sooo cute. If we go back to the dummy, I am definitely getting one )

[Milsy]

Hi Emmabillie, how's it all going?