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considering controlled crying out of desperation - any other ideas?

(19 Posts)
nina3 Tue 05-Aug-08 09:51:15

Hello, our DD is 6 months old and has never slept well. The best she has ever done is 3 wakings at night but recently it has become harder and harder to get her back to sleep. She goes down reasonably easily at first at 7pm then almost always wakes 30-60 mins later and is generally quite easy to resettle then. She then wakes up at 9.30-10.30pm and I feed her but recently she has been impossible to get back to sleep after this, crying inconsolably until 1 or 2am with my DH and I trying every trick in the book to console her and get her back to sleep, all to no avail. The last few nights we have given up and brought her back into bed with us (she used to co-sleep with us but I have a bad back and was waking up in agony so we had to move her out the bed). This morning I could hardly move I was in so much pain and fealt nauseous when I finally managed to drag myself out of bed. Although just the thought of trying controlled crying makes me want to cry myself, I don't know what else to do. Does antone have any other suggestions to try before we go down this route? Oh, she sleeps in our room still and we generally go to sleep at this time so I don't know if this is disturbing her? It never used to though?

thumbwitch Tue 05-Aug-08 10:00:46

bump for you - not sure I can help much with this but have you tried feeding her in the dark, i.e. just get her out of her cot and sit with her feeding without the lights on so she never really wakes up?

nina3 Tue 05-Aug-08 10:08:23

Yes, that's how I always do it. I put her back in her hammock and bounce her till she seems to have been asleep for about 10 mins then get into bed myself and she then wakes a few mins latter and is then impossible to resettle...

TrinityRhino Tue 05-Aug-08 10:09:32

feed her??

TrinityRhino Tue 05-Aug-08 10:10:12

cc on a six month old is not right
she is too young

luvaduck Tue 05-Aug-08 10:13:46

is she waking with wind???
our ds does the 45 min wake up thing too after first going down - its always wind

twofalls Tue 05-Aug-08 10:16:20

nina you have my sympathies, DD was like this and its awful.

Have you tried white noise? It used to help settle DD. We used to use the hairdryer until someone gave us a white noise CD and it was a god send. It seemed to lull her back to sleep - you can also get voice activated white noise devices which set off when they cry or move.

The other thing we tried which did help for a little while was a cranial osteopath. They aren't cheap but if they help they are worth it. Our diagnosed a problem with her ear and worked on that and it did help - reduced night wakings to once or maybe twice.

Does she have a dummy? DD rejected hers at 5 months and I really wish I'd preserved with getting her to take one.

I have never done controlled crying with DD, even when I was being put under pressure from loads of people. We had a half hearted attempt when she was about 8 months but my heart just wasn't in it.

I hope some of this is useful.

Peckarolloveragain Tue 05-Aug-08 10:18:13

are you bouncing her to sleep in the hammock for 10 minutes every time to get her to sleep? Is she coming into light sleep and expecting to be bounced back off?

I would agree that she is too young for cc just yet but I would try and wean her off that bouncing if it was me...

There is a lot you can do to encourage independant sleep without going the full CC hog IMO - pick up/put down, gradual withdrawl etc

Have you read the no cry sleep solution?

cornsilk Tue 05-Aug-08 10:21:40

Nina 3 I did CC with ds2 who is now the the most laid back little boy. Most people on here will say not to do it, research etc. If you're desperate do it.

EssieW Tue 05-Aug-08 10:46:47

I did CC with DS when he was about that age. Mainly because around that point he couldn't sleep with us there - need all stimulation removed so we had no option. Did it fairly softly at first - helping him to settle in his cot and staying there. We also went in frequently when leaving him - every 2 minutes, then every 5 minuts

Trust your instincts - if you feel you need to do it for everyone's sanity then do so. My DS was a much happier baby after his sleeping was more settled

DaddyJ Tue 05-Aug-08 10:54:45

CC at 6 months is fine but if you are not committed
it is likely to end in tears.
Can your DH help? How does he cope with crying?

Pu/Pd is probably no good because of your back.
No Cry Sleep Solution will take a lot of time.

ChairmumMiaow Tue 05-Aug-08 11:12:01

We've just been doing CIO (going back in made him start doing his angry scream) and it seems to be working ridiculously easily. I am prepared to be proved wrong and for it not to stick, but see this thread for my bizarre journey from wanting to co-sleep more comfortably to moving DS into his own room and letting him CIO (most ever time has been 45 minutes with us going back in, 20 minutes if we just leave him)

poshtottie Tue 05-Aug-08 11:12:07

My sister got a great book from the library called "teach your child to sleep" by the millpond sleep clinic. She also has a baby six months old.

WilfSell Tue 05-Aug-08 11:27:10

Is it possible she is teething? You could try a dose of calpol before the 10pm feed to see if this makes a difference?

And could she go in her own room if she has one?

Are you breast or bottle feeding? Does she perhaps need to cluster feed more? You could feed at 7 then again when she wakes at 8ish and then again at 10ish? Honestly, it took me ages to work out hunger in the evenings was the problem with mine! It's a bit easier now he's eating more solid food but it was a nightmare for months around the 6m mark...

nina3 Tue 05-Aug-08 16:17:21

Thanks everyone for your tips and Chairmum for linking me to your thread - amazing how many of us seem to be going through the same thing at the moment - makes me feel a little bit less of a failure Could you let me know what CIO stands for please? Have ordered HSHHC as suggested in your thread.

Twofalls, thanks for the sympathy and tips - we have a CD with wave/sea noise on it which we have played continuously through the night and which did seem to work at first but doesn't seem to have any effect now and was begining to really annoy me so we stopped using it a couple of days ago. Also tried the cranial osteopath which worked on strengthening her suck (she had weight gain problems too but those are sorted now) but seemed to make her sleeping even worse... Dummies only seem to work if I stand there and hold them in but as soon as I let go she spits out...

Luvaduck - thanks but I don't think that's the problem. I think it's more likely to be her natural waking and unable to re-settle without us as Peckarolloveragain suggests. Would LOVE to wean her off the bouncing but how??? PU/PD doesn't work as she doesn't settle when picked up only when BF by me and over the last week even my boobs have not been the fail safe of previous months... Tried gradual withdrawl and did manage to cut down on the length of time we bounce for a couple of months ago (down to just 2-3 mins) but now need to bounce more again. Last night I bounced for 10 mins but she woke before I made it into bed so my DH bounced for another 15mins and she still woke less than 5 mins after that...

I was lent the NCSS by a friend and would love to be able to fix DD that way but I'm not sure I have the strength to take another month or 2 of sleeplessness if it doesn't ultimately work and I think it is likely to get a lot worse before it gets better that way. Is that selfish/short-sighted? And I've read a lot of reviews that say it worked initially but then got worse again. I sound like I've made my mind up don't I?

Wilfsell, thanks but we tried with calpol one night and it made no difference. I think moving her to her own room may be worth trying first as she is definately better when she's on her own in our room. That's why I think she would only respond to CC as she seems to do it because she thinks if she cries for long enough I will give in and bring her into bed, which I do... Very interesting what you say about cluster feeding. I thought there was no way she could be hungry as I started weaning her a few weeks ago and she has rapidly increased from one to 3 meals per day and eats tons at each meal. Her last meal is at 5pm and she has about 100 ml of pureed veg witl butter and cheese and then 100ml of full fat yoghurt with a fruit puree and then a BF at 7pm which she seems less and less interested in. Should I feed her when she wakes up around 8? I didn't think she could possibly be hungry then as she goes back to sleep so easily.

Thanks again everyone and please do continue to add if you think of anything. I'll keep an eye on your thread Chairmum Hope your success continues!

ChairmumMiaow Tue 05-Aug-08 16:25:57

nina3 - CIO is crying it out - which sound appauling but seems to work better than CC for us. If we leave DS he cries less determinedly and stops more quickly. Our longest crying sessions have been when we keep checking / consoling and when we stayed in bed while DS cried in his bedside cot - OMG those were the angriest shouts I'd ever heard DS make. Somehow it feels like he associates us with the fact he's not getting picked up if we're there.

nina3 Tue 05-Aug-08 19:38:10

Thanks Chairmum I didn't realise there were 2 options. Will have to discuss with DH which we think would work better for DD if/when we try it. We have moved her into her own room tonight and DH is up there settling her at the moment. It has just gone quiet so fingers crossed she will like this arrangement and sleep till 7am!!wink Well, a girl can dream hey!! Enjoy your wine and book and hope you have a lovely sleep tonight!

nina3 Wed 06-Aug-08 09:13:43

Well that worked well!!! She was asleep by 7.30 and only woke 3 times grin first at 8pm, then 10.30 when I fed her and it only took 20 mins to get her back to sleep and then again at 3.45 for a quick feed then slept through till 6am when she was wide awake and chirpy grin! Thanks very much for that Wilfsell, it seems moving to her own room is what she was asking for. Makes me feel bad now that it was obviously us waking her up all those time. She must have been getting so frustrated with us!! Obviously this could just be a once off thing and I am expecting many relapses but it's a promising start and it was so lovely to be able to kiss DH goodnight without worrying that we might wake DD up!!! We both had a much more relaxed sleep, although I did find myself wide awake after her 3am wake up, unable to get back to sleep...

twofalls Wed 06-Aug-08 09:50:59

Hurrah, glad you had a better night nina. Hopefully it won't be a one off!

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