Moving LO into their own room before six months??

[Needsleeeeepsendheeeelp]

Hi

I've posted a few times before about our struggles with 4mo DD sleeping. I'm aware that she's probably in the throes of the 4 month sleep regression and/or a mental leap, which isn't helping.

We've tried SO many things, but while she has improved in part, we are still having an ongoing struggle with sleep. So we're now considering moving her to her own room. She naps in there in the day (we have an Angelcare monitor with sensor pad) and generally naps really well - she stirs and often gets herself back off, occasionally we have to go up there but not every time. Whereas, in the crib in our room - where she sleeps at night - generally if she stirs she needs one of us to settle her. She can't nap in her crib in the day because DH's office is in our room, so her cot is the only feasible place for her to go in the day. Last night, I was up every 30 minutes with her. It's just unsustainable, we're beyond exhausted.

I know the advice is to keep them in the same room as you for at least 6 months, but given we have the sensor pad we are trying to understand what the risk is to moving her now - if (god forbid) she was to stop breathing then surely having the sensor pad there to alert us would be just as (if not more?) safe than us being asleep and potentially completely unaware next to her? In addition, she is napping in there already, with the sensor pad on, and we are putting her up to bed at about 7pm in the crib (with no sensor pad) in the evening while we stay up, before I go to bed at about 8.30/9pm. So we're not with her while she's sleeping all the time anyway. I tend to wake her when I go in, which obviously doesn't help - and also makes us wonder if we are disturbing her as much as she's disturbing us overnight.

So my questions are

• can anyone explain the risk in this context please
• what age did you move your baby to their own room - and did it help?
• any other sleep tips very welcome!

Thanks.

[Tibtab]

We moved DD out at 5 months, none of us could sleep - we kept waking each other up. DD settled down and started sleeping much longer periods.
I know that the advice is 6 months and was worried initially, I didn’t have any sensors but she was only sleeping in the next room.

[minipie]

Mine were both in their own room from about 3/4 months. I’m a really light sleeper and just couldn’t sleep with all their wriggling and snuffling next to me. They were in the room next door and we also had a monitor. I was still up a lot in the night with them but at least could sleep in the brief intervals between.

Personally I think that the risks of an exhausted parent surviving on little sleep are much greater than any additional SIDS risk from having separate rooms.

Did it help - well it helped me!

[WineInTheWillows]

Well, it's a matter for your personal judgement really. I did read somewhere that once they stop breathing with SIDS it's bloody hard to get them going again, even if you do notice right away, prevention is better than cure. Not sure how true that is though.

[Gwegowygwiggs]

My son went into his own room at 3 months and baby #2 due any day now will be doing the same thing.

We were waking him up getting into bed, and he was waking me up all night shuffling around even though he was fast asleep, it just wasn't working. So we moved him and everyone slept begged.

[Gwegowygwiggs]

Better*

[Pootles34]

We were similar to previous posters - we moved both our boys into their own rooms at around 3 months. It worked well for us - my feeling was that, as minipie says, an exhausted parent brings their own risk - my husband has to (or used to- ha) drive 2 hours commute every day.

To play devils advocate - I believe a lot of the risk is that in their own room they sleep too deeply - as you say, you will be disturbing them as much as they disturb you. I don't fully understand it, but I think that's the idea?

[Hoppinggreen]

It’s not recommended but DD went in her room at about 4 months and DS the same.
They were on the other side of the wall and I could still hear every snuffle and squeak

[Comefromaway]

I don't think we lasted 6 weeks with either of our two in the same room as us.

[Februarydays]

The Lullaby Trust has a long analysis of the research on SIDS which you can look at to help you make a decision.

I think you have to weigh everything up and then just make the decision that feels right for you in your own circumstances. There are lots of risk factors in life and we don't avoid all risk.

As far as I can tell the research shows a lower risk of SIDS below 6 months where baby sleeps in the same room for all their sleep - ie including day naps, but you've already decided to leave baby alone for some of her sleep.

I co-slept have all my babies which is generally associated with a higher risk but for me it was the only way I could get any sleep so was an acceptable risk for me that I mitigated as far as I could in making the co-sleeping as safe as possible.

For you you may decide you all getting more/better sleep outweighs the increase in SIDS risk.

[HardcoreParkour]

DS went into his own room at 6.5 months and that's only because he had outgrown his next2me. He's now 8.5 months and I still wake regularly through the night to check the monitor. Yes, I'm paranoid.

I personally wouldn't go against NHS advice but many do with no ill effect. It depends how comfortable you are with the risks.

[maryberryslayers]

You've already gone against the advice which is why it's not making any sense to you. Babies should have all naps/overnight sleep in the same room as you, both day and night until they are 6 months. So you would just keep them downstairs in a moses or similar with you until you go up, and naps would be downstairs too.
It's personal choice, the information is there for you to read. If you choose to take a risk based on your own research then you need to be comfortable with that. Look at the NHS and Lullaby Trust rather than personal experience though. Perhaps call your HV and see what they advise also.
I'd discount the use of sensor mats though as they are not reliable.

[Needsleeeeepsendheeeelp]

Thanks all.

Yes, very true that we're already not following the advice to the letter. My feeling was that in the day I'm obviously awake, so it felt like a different decision.

I've searched the lullaby trust website and googled in general but can't seem to find anything that explains why this is the advice. I think I'd feel happier in making a decision if that was clear.

I did ask the health visitor and all she said was 'that's the advice, maybe Google it' 😏

As some pp have said, the exhaustion is a risk in itself. I probably had 1.5 hours sleep last night and had to drive DD for 40 mins each way to a hospital appointment this morning. I don't remember the journey, which is frightening. I often feel like I'm swimming, and have nearly fallen down the stairs on more than one occasion, through tiredness.

[Goingferalonfurlough]

My DD (now 17) was in her own room from two days old. I can’t remember what the official advice was all those years ago but all of us slept better when we weren’t disturbing each other

[PrincessesRUs]

I moved my daughter at 5 months - just felt right for us

[Dillybear]

I have read that the advice is because babies hearing you breathing and moving about stops them from sleeping too deeply and it’s that that reduces the SIDS risk.

The breathing monitor may make you feel more reassured but they aren’t well evidenced and in the worst case scenario may be falsely reassuring.

Like PP have said, you can’t eliminate risk, you’ve got to make things as safe as you can - which includes taking into account you getting no sleep.

FWIW I moved my DD at five months, as soon as she learnt to go to sleep by herself, as I found it so difficult to sleep next to her. She was also sleeping alone for the evening from three months because she would go beserk downstairs with us in the evenings as she couldn’t sleep with the noise and the light and wanted an early bedtime from a young age. We checked on her frequently and I went to bed early so it wasn’t for long, but it was not without risk (albeit I credibly low). All children and families are different - (within reason) you need to do what works for you.

[Greenmarmalade]

No, don’t take the risk. Wait the 2 months- it’s nothing.

[Needsleeeeepsendheeeelp]

The thing is, two more months of 1.5 hours sleep most nights isn't 'nothing'. I've been diagnosed with pnd, and this extreme exhaustion has certainly contributed to that. Quite often I'm so tired I feel drunk, really can't focus etc. How am I supposed to look after DD, safely drive my DS to school every day, etc like that? There have also been some nights where we're so tired and out of ideas that we bring DD into bed with us, and while I am aware of the advice around safe co sleeping I very much doubt that we're safely following it in those conditions and in that state.

So it's more complicated than that, for us.

I appreciate the posters who have helped explain some of the reasons behind the advice. It's really hard to go against well established advice, but as others have pointed out we're already not following it fully with early evening and naps, and we need to factor in all the risks for our situation.

[Dragon23]

We moved our son into his room at 5.5 months but I slept in there with him until he was 7.5 months. I decided that although he was very close to the 6 month mark and past the peak incidence of SIDS (which is between 1 and 4 months), I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if something did happen and I hadn’t followed the guidelines.
Ideally I would of had him in with us until he was a year but we can’t fit the cot in our room and we were disturbing him in the night. He was much better once he moved to his cot even with me in there with him. I moved back as the mattress in his room was giving me a bad back.
Could you consider one of you sleeping in the room with DD and the other getting a good night sleep in the other room then swap?

[Thefamilybusiness]

All 3 of mine were in their own rooms by 3 months, they slept better, I slept better.
I'm older though, there weren't so many rules/guidence/anxiety then.

[WineInTheWillows]

If bedsharing helps, OP, you could research how to do it safely and do that. Is there a way to contact the lullaby trust and ask whether bedsharing or sleeping in their own room is most risky?

[WineInTheWillows]

Apparently, OP, bedsharing only increases risk for babies under three months old and may be safer than having them sleep on their own if done well.

www.parentingscience.com/bed-sharing.html

(I make no claims as to the validity of the information within the link- I just found it on Google and have not scrutinised it to check for accuracy.

[WineInTheWillows]

)

[Wateringcan27]

As someone personally affected by sids please think carefully about your decision. Lack of sleep is terrible but the guilt if anything where to happen is worse.

[FizzingWhizzbee123]

There’s no explanation why because nobody knows why. Just that research has shown reduced risk of SIDS where sharing a room. There are theories (disturbing baby keeps them from sleeping too deeply, hearing your breathing regulates their breathing etc), but there’s no actual proven reason, just data which shows lower risk. I’m afraid you just have to take it at face value. Similarly there’s no always an obvious reason for SIDS, again just data showing what factors increase risk.

I kept mine with me until 7 months, when he dropped his night feed mostly because I didn’t want to be traipsing up and down the cold hallway at night. I much preferred not having to get out of bed. That and I’m a stickler for the rules and could never forgive myself if something had happened (I’d never know the reasons but I’d always be doubting whether it was because I moved baby too early). That’s just me though. You need to make your own personal risk assessment for you and your baby.

[Zarinea]

DD went into her own room at about 5 months and it did make a (small) difference.

No sleep is obviously not 'nothing', ignore anyone who tells you that.

When I looked at the Lullaby Trust website most of their guidance was really well evidenced, but the 6 month thing wasn't.

Yes there may be a risk, but crossing the road with the buggy is a risk.

Read up, then do what you're comfortable with.