Clueless FTM

(18 Posts)
BrightStars1234 Mon 02-Nov-20 18:14:51

This might be a stupid question but what do you actually do when your baby is crying during the night?!
I am clueless! My baby is 7 months old, nearly 8.
I'm asking because we went through a stage of teething (around a week of sleepless nights and lots of crying during the night - mainly by my child but I felt like crying too!!)
I tried everything... Stories, sitting in quiet room, cuddles, walking around a dark room, milk, singing lullabies etc. Nothing worked and one night we had 4 hours solid of a grumpy baby that cried whenevr they were put in the cot. Every. Single. Time.

But if I know it's not teething, or hunger, illness etc, then what do you do to calm your baby? I can't bear to hear him cry and I actually felt nervous before he went to bed in case he cried again during the night. Because I feel like I don't know how to comfort him without picking him up for a cuddle.
Perhaps it is a confidence thing..
Please send me your wisdom

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Changethetoner Mon 02-Nov-20 18:26:47

You're not clueless. Babies cry. When they cry in the night it feels so awful, but it's normal. You are doing all the right things - comfort, food, change, calm, dark, rocking, singing,.......but then you have to keep going. And yes sometimes it takes 4hours. Babies are exhausting and hard work.
You've got this, Mama. Keep doing what you're doing.

rottiemum88 Mon 02-Nov-20 18:27:50

I feel like I don't know how to comfort him without picking him up for a cuddle

Sometimes that's all they want 🤷🏼‍♀️ Doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong

EatTheHamTina Mon 02-Nov-20 18:31:15

My 15mo DS has nights where he wakes up crying.
I start off with offering his water. He usually gets thirsty. When he shows me signs that it's his teeth I'll give him a teething powder and a bottle of milk. He doesn't always want to go in his cot but will happily lay down in bed with me for 30ish minutes and when he's asleep I'll put him back in his cot.
You have to do what works for you in all honesty. It's honestly sometimes a guessing game. You have to go through 10 different things before you can realise what it is. Sometimes you can't work out what it is. When this happens I assume it could be separation anxiety and just pop him in with me for a bit.

Disco91 Mon 02-Nov-20 18:44:03

To be honest my eldest when he wakes up just needs to cry it out for anywhere between 1-5 minutes to get back to sleep. I go in, cuddle him and make sure he’s ok (no temperature, pain, blocked nose etc) and then tell him it’s bedtime and I love him then lie him down. I have done since about 7 or 8 months and he’s now 2.

I found cuddling him for too long and fussing him just annoyed him. Reading wakes him up further and in the long term sends the wrong message that at night time he can get up and do daytime things.

If he cries longer than a few minutes while I wait by the door I go back in, cuddle quietly and lie him down. Only a handful of times though I’ve had to go back in after the initial cry. He sleeps solidly for 12 hours at night and has done since about 6 months old.

I’ll probably get told I’m cruel on here for letting him cry it out but it works for us and he’s a very happy, confident and well rested toddler. It really annoys me when MN posters tell new mums not to try it, a few minutes of pain by hearing them cry could result in a restful nights sleep for both mother and child, which is so beneficial for all involved.

OnlyFoolsnMothers Mon 02-Nov-20 18:46:36

After 6 months old, if wasn’t wet, hungry, teething, ill or in need of burping I had to leave my daughter. The crying never lasted long, I’d pop in every 5-10mina to rub her back etc, never spoke and walked back out.

BrightStars1234 Mon 02-Nov-20 19:22:20

Thanks everyone 💐

I have got better at leaving him for a little bit, the trouble is he can get worked up soo quickly that I probably rush in before he has time to settle himself.

I just feel a bit helpless I suppose. And with covid going on I feel like I can't get the physical support I need, such as from my own mum! Not like I'd be ringing her at 4am when he's crying his head off, but just for her to pop round when he's had a bad night. Does anyone else feel like this, a bit helpless ?!

I think at night when he is crying it probably feels like a lifetime when it is only a few mins really.

My. HV said not to pick up straight away and to not give him bad habits, such as feeding him or cuddle too much. Which made me more nervous! Because I did all of those things for a week to get him to stop crying shockgrin

Will I be giving him bad habits?!
Ahh I feel like I don't have a blinkin' clue!

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OnlyFoolsnMothers Mon 02-Nov-20 19:31:21

Weird comments from an HV- I don’t think you can spoil such a young baby with cuddles it’s more for your own mental preservation to walk away sometimes

Harrysmummy246 Tue 03-Nov-20 17:55:38

If cuddling your baby calms them down, cuddle them

What is wrong is that you're questioning your natural instincts

BrightStars1234 Tue 03-Nov-20 18:51:46

Yes you're right.
I just had a massive wave of anxiety over it and how on earth do I manage a crying baby all night?! I think I have a major lack of confidence to be honest!

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Harrysmummy246 Wed 04-Nov-20 17:23:25

I know, and nobody gives you a manual, and even if they did, babies haven't read them, or do something different.

Do what feels right to help you and your baby

You've got a sleep regression coming up. Plus the mess that is the world right now. Cuddle, sleep with, BF, dummy. Whatever works

They don't do it forever. Trust me. I had a boob every 2 hours, can't sleep without mummy boy. He's now 3 and I maybe spend 2 minutes talking with him if he wakes then say night night again. We might hold hands for a minute (just got that change from me getting in to cuddle)

Weirdly, I miss him. Although having my own space in bed again is nice. And no head up my armpit etc

BrightStars1234 Wed 04-Nov-20 19:43:55

What did you do during the sleep regression?
I think I am going to find that so, so hard. I'm already worried about it! When I spoke to the HV she just said don't give him bad habits...which is easier said than done when you want to sleep!!

Enjoy the extra space in bed grin Holding hands sounds so lovely

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Wherethereshope Thu 05-Nov-20 02:21:39

My words of advice.. don't listen to the health visitor, go with your instincts of what he needs.

Yes you may get into a pattern of him wanting a cuddle to help him sleep.. but this won't be forever and when he's ready and your instincts tell you he doesn't need it them try some sleep training at that stage. If you think about it.. wanting a cuddle from your mum isn't a bad habit to get in to.

grassisjeweled Thu 05-Nov-20 02:27:02

I know what you mean about being nervous - are the gonna wake up screaming and crying etc. Do you have a partner?

ShyOwl Thu 05-Nov-20 02:35:55

I used to time on my phone actually how long DD was upset, just to give me perspective. It's surprising how 30 seconds of them being upset feels much longer to us! I realised that after about 2/3 mins she would generally settle and if she didn't after that time then I would go in

Sciencebabe Thu 05-Nov-20 03:22:43

No such thing as cuddling too much!!
If anything, it is better for brain development for them to be constantly held and comforted. Try wearing him in a sling so he falls back to sleep. Try another mattress for him to sleep on, the current one may be too thin or uncomfortable. Maybe a thicker blanket? Always offer extra milk when they wake up just in case they need a drink, babies get thirsty as well as hungry. You could offer a porridge supper in the evenings. Winter is when babies up their food intake. Extra milk won't do any harm. Mine used to eat (drink milk) like a horse through the night. Babies who feel loved, happy and safe sleep better. Both of mine can do a 16hr marathon and they're 2 and 5yrs old 😂 I've always encouraged sleep, naps at any time of day, and grazing with milk or healthy food whenever they want to eat outside of meal times (three set meal times are not natural, humans are natural grazers who eat around 6-8 times a day). They go to sleep so fast because they are well practiced at it I think 😆 and they are strong bodied but slim, happy and active and very much switched on x

Breastfeedingworries Thu 05-Nov-20 03:49:43

If I thought it was teething I gave calpol and and cuddle until it kicked in.

BrightStars1234 Tue 10-Nov-20 17:59:24

I have just seen your messages. Thanks everyone!

Well it went from bad, to good-ish to bad again. He's getting more teeth and we had another night of crying.

He simply wil not calm if I don't pick him up. He gets so upset. And is a lot trickier to settle if not. I ended up giving him a bottle and then he fell asleep, but he was probably thirsty after all of his antics of crying!

The nerves are a real thing. I feel nervous again tonight..sounds so silly. I don't know how to comfort him.. Well I do know but I'm not sure if it will help him in or us in the long run.

My hubby works a lot in the week so the night waking fall to me usually, which I understand. But being alone with a crying baby is hard.. The night seems so long

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