Help please! How to get 5 month old to self settle!

[Louise2424]

Hi everyone! I really hope you can help!

My little one used to be a brilliant sleeper, he would only usually only wake once in the night for a feed from the day we brought him home to around 4 months old. I think he then went through the 4 month regression, waking every 90 minutes for about 6 weeks.
A couple of weeks ago when he hit 5 months old he seemed to be coming out of this regression as he started to sleep for slightly longer stretches, anywhere from 2 to 4 hours at a time. He did this for a few nights but now it seems to be getting shorter again, mainly every 2 hours. I just don't know what or if I'm doing anything wrong, or could be doing something to help him sleep better? Any advice would be grately received!!

At 4 months I tried to get him into a bedtime routine. Instead of napping downstairs with us until we went to bed, I would take him up to bed at 8pm, feed, wind and put him down. We soon realised that he actually seemed to be ready for sleep around 7-7.30 so we now put him up to bed whenever he seems ready after 7. Is this the wrong thing to do? Should we stick to a time regardless? I was reluctant to keep him up til 8 as harder to put him down if he's overtired, but thought 7 may be too early and mean he's in bed too long and will want to be up really early in the morning? I also take his lead for naps for the same reason. If he seems tired but nap time isn't due yet, surely leaving him to get overtired is setting myself up for a fall before I even try to put him down?

We use a next2me so I also started putting him up in it for every nap when at home instead of napping wherever I am in the house. I make the bedroom dark, give a feed in the nursing chair, wind and then put him down. He settles differently every time. The odd time he will be content to stare into space for a few minutes before going off but other times he will whinge for a while and I inevitably end up putting on one of the noises that is built in to the monitor, lullabies or heartbeat sound etc. I try one of the sounds for 20 seconds or so and then move onto the next if he doesn't settle. If this doesn't work and the whinge escalates to a full on cry, I sometimes go up and rock the next2me until he settles or sometimes even pick him up if his crying is too bad and inevitably have to offer a feed again to settle him. If I try to put him down again without a feed once I've picked him up, all hell breaks loose! I just don't know if I'm doing the right thing by offering all these sleep aids all the time, but then surely the only alternative would be to leave him to properly cry?

Through the night when he wakes I usually pull him into bed and feed him laid down and he inevitably falls asleep so he goes back in his bed practically asleep. Again, should I change this? Maybe I should get up and feed him in the chair? I have tried settling him back to sleep without a feed but again its always with the use of an aid, rocking the next2me or putting on white noise. How do you settle a baby without these aids?? He doesn't like dummies, have tried them on and off for teething mainly but he doesn't quite understand that he needs to suck it to keep it in his mouth. Should I give them another try? Or is that making a rod for my back for later?

He is growing out of his next2me now as he is kneeling up a lot so planning on getting a cot asap however in the house we're currently in we're on the top floor of a 3 storey house and all other bedrooms are on the next floor down so I'm reluctant to put him in a seperate room for now as don't want him on a different floor. We are in the process of buying a house so he will go into his own room then (hopefully in the next 2 months) but for now I was thinking of putting his cot at the opposite end of our bedroom?

Any help would be appreciated as I am finding it so hard to strike a balance between leaving him to self settle, but also knowing when enough crying is enough, and then how to settle him to sleep without the use of an aid?
I would love to start to reduce feeds through the night as currently I feed him every time he wakes (or sometimes it's more of a comfort thing I think) but just don't know how to settle him otherwise?

Also I plan to wean him in a couple of weeks when he hits 6 months.

He's a very active and alert baby, seems to be hitting milestones early so he's maybe just got a very active brain?

I am hoping that helping him to learn to self settle is the answer to it all as I assume he will then put himself back to sleep when he wakes in the night instead of asking for a comfort feed?

[sar302]

A few things you could try:

Have a look at weebeedreaming and the baby sleep site. Check baby is having

• appropriate amount of nap time
• appropriate amount of night sleep
• not too late a bedtime.
• the right amount of awake time between naps.

This made a huge difference for us, but I was very schedule led from the beginning, so this fitted in well.

All babies wake in the night, and it seems they generally need two things to help them go back to sleep:

• their environment to be the same as when they went to sleep, ie. sounds, lights, being in the same place as when they fell asleep etc
• they need to be able to settle themselves when they wake. This means they cannot be reliant on any sleep aids that they cannot recreate themselves (ie rocking, feeding, being in your bed etc.)

There are a number of sleep training methods to look up - some more gradual, some more harsh. They all aim to reduce baby's dependency on sleep aids (our big one was rocking to sleep). Only you can know what you can stomach regarding crying etc. I couldn't face it, so our approach was very gradual:

• rocking to sleep
• rocking less to sleep
• holding to sleep
• putting down virtually asleep and patting
• putting down less asleep and patting

Etc.

Our baby started sleeping better when he was in his own room, on his side and then even better when he could roll around and choose to sleep on his tummy.

Some babies also just aren't ready to sleep through the night at 5 months unfortunately. Especially if they're still breastfed. They just can't take on enough calories during the day to support themselves through the night. Not having breastfed, I'm not sure what to suggest regarding that, but perhaps someone else can help you with their experience.

I hope some of that was helpful!

[Louise2424]

Thank you so much sar302, that's really helpful. Will also have a look at weebeedreaming and the baby sleep site. I haven't yet tried to gradually wean him off the sleep aids so will give it a go! Thanks so much, really kind of you to post.