Weaning night breast feeds!

[november90]

PLEASE can someone who has been through this help me!
My little boy is 16 months old.
I have always BF him to sleep. He's always found such comfort and it's worked for both of us. I feel like I've come to the end of my BF journey though. I love to see how much comfort it brings him, esp if he's upset or poorly, but I can't go on like this anymore. I need him to start sleeping through or going down to sleep in less then an hour! I feel like I've done my time!
I've tried gradual retreat, pick up put down but nothing works. He has very bad seperation anxiety from me so I will NEVER leave him to cry it out.
Everytime I put him down he is hysterical and he never calms... ever. I wait until he is drowsy and unlatch and he wakes immediately and screams. I don't know where to begin.
Please if anyone has any advice or has been through this please help me!
I know it will get harder before it gets better but I just don't know where to begin :(
Normally he gets up 2 times per night and I feed him (he generally just sucks for comfort). He won't take a dummy strangely.

Thank you!

[Pindlesandneedles]

Hi November, weaning is tricky. My dd is also 16m and still feeds to sleep at bed time but we’ve cut out all the night feeds. We only managed it by my dh getting up in the night. She was not happy for the first couple of nights but then got used to it and now mostly sleeps through. If she does wake up dh goes in and it only takes him a couple of minutes to settle her. I have no idea how I would have done it myself, I think she associates me with the boob too strongly!
Hope it goes ok, could you maybe go out for a night so you don’t have to listen to the crying?

[november90]

My partner works ally of late nights and evening so don't like to rely on him as he can't be consistent when he's tried before he's just screamed for me :( I know I have to plough through it but it just absolutely breaks my heart :(
How long did it take you to drop the night feeds and when did you start trying?

[november90]

Anyone have any thoughts at all? Thanks :)

[MyKingdomForBrie]

Afraid my answer is the same really, we noticed she demanded bf if I went in but settled happily without if DH went in. We did that for a week or so and she just stopped asking me after that. She was about 16 months.

[november90]

Oh really! Was your LO breast fed too?

[november90]

Sorry Ive just re read your comment. Sorry about that! I've just done a nearly 2 hour stint with him - I'm shattered!

[April45]

I felt the same, I started experimenting with night feeds and gave water and cuddles instead wearing a really cosy dressing gown and used a fleece blanket in his cot as a sheet along with a comforter. He never touched the comforter until he started taking the water which to me showed he was now getting comfort from his teddy.

So basically I went in picked up gave a water deibj then held him whilst I sat on the nursery chair to calm down .. then when calm went into cot.

Didn't take many nights for him to get the message. I then experimented with the bedtime feed and didn't offer and he went straight to sleep.. and slept through! I couldn't quite believe it. So out bf journey came to a very sudden end

A few months before we'd done controlled crying as he was up so frequently which helped reduce the wakings.. but it wasn't until we stopped bf that he slept through. Cc was much more gentle and quick than I imagined.. for us DS was crying on us for a long time which for us felt more unkind than cc.

[teaandbiscuitsforme]

Putting him down after you feed is causing the issue. So either you need to train him to go to sleep without BF (really hard if you can't pass that over go your DH!) or you need to not put him down.

My DS is also 16mo. He's been on a mattress on the floor in his room since 12mo so I feed to sleep there and then escape. He started sleeping through after 3 nights then we went assay, teeth etc and it all went wrong but now he consistently sleeps through maybe 2 out of 3 and if he does wake up, it's one quick feed and I can get out again. Can't say it's all because of what we've done but it's worked for us.

[teaandbiscuitsforme]

Also Dr Jay Gordon has a gentle night weaning plan if you haven't already seen it.

[athingthateveryoneneeds]

I would say you need to introduce a new routine entirely. If you don't do bath-story-bed, start that now. Or whatever works best for you of course. My ds is the same age, and he goes to sleep pretty quickly for dh if I'm out of an evening (usually 2-3 times per week). As long as he doesn't hear my voice he will go to sleep.

Do you cosleep? If he is right next to you all night, it's hard to night wean. Maybe wear a sports bra to bed so there isn't easy access? I operate under a "don't offer, don't refuse after 2nd request" policy at this age, and ds is slowly starting to sleep through the night now apart from a recent teething blip. All four molars at once! Don't blame him for that one. :)

[athingthateveryoneneeds]

I meant to expand on the first paragraph - tired today!

If you have a new routine, his expectations will change and he might accept night weaning a bit better. I don't like leaving my babies to cry, either, but there is a difference between a frustrated shout and a proper upset cry. At least to my ears!

[november90]

Thank you so much for all of your replies, I really am so greatful!
So what I'm going to do is really focus on a good routine beforehand and then see if it works having someone else get up with him for a week or so.
The thought turns my stomach. I hate the thought of not being able to go to him when he needs me :(:(:(

[April45]

I think that's the hardest thing of All xx