The basics

[TheWeatherGirl1]

I need help with the basics of getting the baby to sleep.
11 weeks old. Sleeps in own crib by bed from 9pm for the first hour or two and then wakes every hour or so for feeding or a fussing.
Will then sleep for periods in our bed but constantly kicking and wanting to feed.
I don't want him in our bed, I want him in his bed.
Has turned into a dummy refuser now he's discovered his hand.
Tried swaddling in the past but gave up as it didn't seem to make a difference. Is it too late now?

I've no idea what I'm doing.
I'm starting to hate breastfeeding, my husband is away for a few weeks and I'm struggling with the lack of sleep.
I need the basics.

[SerfTerf]

Only one of mine matched that description and he was a big perma-hungry baby.

My solution (eventually) was a supplemental bedtime bottle. I don't know how you feel about that, obviously. Or if it seems a likely fit.

[TheWeatherGirl1]

Oh I've got no problem with a bottle but it doesn't seem to make any difference.
I've tried it at bedtime and I've tried it in the middle of the night.
Still only sleeps for short bursts.

I've spent the past 25 mins rocking him in his cot whilst deafening him with white noise and he's still wide awake, whooping away and crying.

[FATEdestiny]

The basics are:

• plentiful calories during the daytime so fewer are needed at night
  
• plentiful sleep during the day to avoid over tiredness
  
• enough comforting given to help baby go to sleep when he needs to.
  

Sleep changes significantly and oerminantly at around 3-4 months, where you are now. I would definitely not ditch the dummy at a time the most help is needed to get to sleep.

Comfort sucking is naturally comforting and soothing. When you say constantly kicking and wanting to feed I would suggest this means restless and seeking help to calm down and be soothed to sleep - seeking to comfort suck is part of this. I think in the night these are help me get to sleep signs not hunger signs. Well, a few times in the night may well be hunger, but if you are reading these hourly then I'd bet it's not hunger it's over-tired signs.

Re swaddling. 3 months is the cut-off. If not established for regular and consistant use by 3 months then it cannot be safely introduce at all.

I'd suggest the swaddle could calm the kicking legs and help with arm flapping. "Discovering his hands" is a developmental stage all babies go through, it isn't a sign of thumb sucking. The swaddle can help allowing for comfort sucking on the dummy by keeping baby's hands still and away from the face at sleep time. If not a swaddle, simply holding baby's hands as going to sleep does this too.

[TheWeatherGirl1]

Ok, thank you so much.

I'm not convinced he's getting enough calories from me, I'll seek some BF help.
I'm aware much of it is just using me as a dummy because he'll either nod off quickly or stay attached forever just moving his lips around.

We keep trying with the dummy but he's lost interest, soon as I let go then it comes back out. He did love it.

He's 12 weeks on Wed so I guess I'll forget the swaddle.

To help him sleep we try jiggling on a shoulder (sometimes works) rocking the crib (sometimes works) but apart from feeding I don't think I've found the thing that works.
I've also reached such an overload of tiredness that I'm finding it hard to commit to an hour of rocking at 3am when I just want to sit down and have a little cry and I know he'll be awake again in 40 mins.

In the day the buggy works and sometimes the swing. His naps are fairly erratic during the day.
Again, I feel clueless.

[crazycatlady5]

Still pretty normal at 11 weeks really, still considered a newborn. I have no advice on swaddling or dummy as mine fefused both as well and is in our bed at 8 months! I believe it's not forever but if you don't want to do it that's totally fine if course. @FateDESTINY above has great gentle tips for independent sleep without many tears but two of those pointers I think are swaddle and dummy. To be honest by 3.5 months I found mine would go in her bed easier and for longer - I could have persisted but I was quite happy to bedshare. I guess my point is if baby is like this now, it might only be for a few more weeks x

[crazycatlady5]

FYI it is VERY unlikely he's not getting enough calories from you, especially if nappy output is normal. This is a common misconception but the fact is babies do feed ALOT in the early days and it can seem like they're not full. It's all growth spurts and fussy phases. Hard, but normal.

[TheWeatherGirl1]

He does achieve a mighty wet nappy so something is going in.

I think what worries me is that this isn't a sleep regression, he's always been like this.
I keep thinking it'll suddenly change but he is so far resistant to that.

I'll read some of the other threads for some tips.

Thanks for your time

[crazycatlady5]

Mine didn't go by the books either she is 8 months and has never been a great sleeper. They're all different x