Trying to stop cosleeping with 10mo

[pipnchops]

DD2 is 10mo (DD1 is 2.10 and also a rubbish sleeper but luckily DH deals with that!) So when DD2 was about three months old I discovered how to breastfeed lying down and slowly we drifted into cosleeping. I always tried to put her in her cot next to my bed but she gradually started to resist until I gave up trying completely.

She has started crawling now and so I've started trying to persevere with the cot which is still next to my bed, as I'm scared she will crawl off the bed, but it's so hard. I've started feeding her sitting up and when she is asleep I transfer her. This takes a lot of persistence and I'm exhausted by 4am with her frequent wakings and I tend to give in and just put her in bed with me so I can feed her and fall back to sleep myself.

This morning she crawled off the bed and I was woken with a thud and then her crying. I was mortified and have now vowed to stop letting her sleep in the bed.

I've been trying to put her to sleep in her cot this evening since 7pm. She's knackered but every time I transfer her from my lap to the cot sure wakes up and starts screaming. I've given her calpol as I think she's teething. I don't want to leave her to cry.

Any tips?? Please help!

[Mammatron]

No tips I'm afraid, still got my 16month in with me! To make it safer though I've moved the bed around, I've got the foot of the bed on one wall & the side of the bed against another (so the headboard is in the middle of the room) it doesn't look great but the only way he'll get out of the bed is by crawling over me!

[pipnchops]

Just resurrecting this thread as struggling and still desperate to get my bed back. DD will now spend evening in cot after much perseverance (she wakes a couple of times usually in evening but after a quick feed she'll go back in the cot. She usually wakes sound midnight for a feed and after that it is impossible to get her back in her cot. Is there a way to do this without leaving her to cry? Will this ever end??

[pipnchops]

We have a memory foam mattress on our bed. I've just been googling to find a memory foam mattress for her cot but it's £60. Is this going to be a waste of money or a sound investment in a good nights sleep?

[Cheesenacho123]

I don't think a baby needs memory foam. The price however is about that of a normal mattress, my son's was £70 with a waterproof layer from Toys r us. Unfortunately we all have to go through the separation from cosleeping. I did it at somewhere around 4 months, just because he started rolling and I was terrified he'd roll off me.

I now have a crawling and standing 10 month old he's in his own room in a cot and every morning I find him stood up shouting for me. I'm terrified I'll wake up to him on the floor crying somehow one day!

Have you tried day time naps in the cot to get more used to it? Just separates you both for a bit. I feel for you I really do. What about dropping the night feed? Sorry if you've already tried this.

But sometimes you've got to leave them shouting or crying for attention until you hear their cues of tiredness. My son will play up when going to bed. We let him be on his own in his cot if he's playing up until he does his tired cry/thumb sucking and then we know when to go in and put him back to sleep which usually works.

[NikiBabe]

Why is she still feeding at night. A 10 month old doesnt need it. Why not stop offering the feed and just try and settle her or give her a dummy if she uses one or her thumb, etc.

Might as well tackle it all in one go. The sleeping and feeding.

[Abbylee]

My dc are 20 and 18. We had a family bed with dh who slept across bottom of the bed.

I say this bc we have had a couple conversations about the issue now that they are young adults.

They remember that time fondly. We never had nightlight or door issues. It was a warm and cozy family time. I am not promoting it bc of the safety issues.

We stopped by moving me into their room. I stayed with them until they fell asleep. Then made my way back to our bed.

We put dd in a crib and she fell headfirst to floor. My mother caught her just before she hit. Make sure that the safety gates are in place, babies crawling are curious and amazingly good at going where you think its impossible.

Basically what feels right now is right for you.

[AnnaT45]

My 13 month still feeds at night. She is and has always been an incredibly hungry baby! They're all different!

I would start off with day time sleeps in the cot to get used to it. Then slowly graduate in the night. I know how hard letting them cry is i actually hate it but I would try to put her down and then give her a stroke etc so she knows you're there and let her calm down. See how that goes to start.

It's really difficult I know, especially when you're knackered. Is DH good with her? Maybe you could swap one night?

[babygirl2016]

Hiya I'm afraid I can't advise you on what to do but my 10 month old isn't sleeping at the minute either. Currently half 3 in the morning and I've just got her back off to sleep she's been awake 2 hours :( the joys ey lol

[pipnchops]

I love the idea of a family bed! But it's the safety issue that worries me. She's crawling and has absolutely no sense of danger at the moment and I just can't relax with her sleeping in my bed anymore for fear of her crawling off the bed when she wakes up. Even though I have her cot (with sides up) next to one side of the bed and on the other side of the bed we have a bed guard or my husband is there (when he's not cosleeping in spare room with our toddler!), she will still find a way to crawl off any gap she can find. I'm a heavy sleeper and when I'm exhausted, by the time I've woken up she's usually teetering on the edge of the bed somewhere and it scares me! What I need is a room where the entire floor is a mattress and we can all sleep on that!

I'm still breastfeeding, she refuses a bottle and a dummy and she seems to bed to feed to sleep.

While I was typing this she was crying in her cot a bit after being put down for the umpteenth time but she seems to have settled now so I'm going to try and get some sleep! I'm getting 20min patches! Thanks for all your replies.

[pipnchops]

20mins was wishful thinking. That moment when your just drifting off and you hear their breathing change and then wahhhhh! Crying which can only be stopped by sticking a boob in her mouth. How much longer can I persist with the cot before I give in and just fed her lying down and go to sleep with her in my bed.

[Grayfig]

Futon on the floor or just your mattress? Most people I know who cosleep just put a big mattress on the floor and baby proof the room. I sometimes have mine in my bed from 4am, so I should do this but I usually stir if she moves from my side. I'm currently torn between cosleeping properly and getting more sleep, or pushing on with resettling in cot after her 2-3 feeds a night which is getting painful. I just worry that cosleeping properly long term will mean night feeds go on forever! It's really hard. I like to think these kind of babies are just smart ones with a strong survival instinct- they want to be close to mama always!!

[Poosnu]

You either need to establish cot sleeping, or make the bed safe to continue co-sleeping (move mattress to floor / bed rails etc).

For us, co sleeping stopped working for me at around 7-8 months when DS rolled out of bed one night. I was no longer sleeping with him in our bed.

They have to learn to go to sleep in the cot to stop the very frequent waking, rather than feed to sleep and transfer. This will necessitate some crying as you change what they are used to. You may or may not be happy with that.

We broadly followed advice given on an old thread here - called what worked for us. Normal bedtime routine, last feed, then put baby awake in cot. Comfort through the bars with touch / voice / handholding but they don't come out of the cot. They will eventually fall asleep. We then repeated for all night wakings (so cold turkey on night feeds). By night 3 DS was sleeping through.

There are of course other methods of establishing cot sleeping. Dummies can be helpful, or harsher methods like controlled crying where you leave and return at increasing intervals.

[pipnchops]

Thank you grayfig, comforting to know I'm not alone and your last sentence made me laugh which is just what I needed this morning as I am soooooo tired. Thanks for your advice poosnu. Reading that I know that's all I call do. I definitely don't want to Co sleep anymore. At least not while she's at this kamikaze stage as I just can't relax when she's in my bed and I don't want to mess with our room layout as nice as a mattress floored room sounds! I remember having to comfort DD1 through the bars to break the feed to sleep stage and it was hard. She naturally wants to be a Co sleeper and will often spend second half of the night in the share bed with DH these days but at least she is now old enough not to fall off the edge. Right, coffee needed.

[Grayfig]

Pipnchops, at the risk of sounding obvious, have you tried putting her in the cot after feeds increasingly more awake? As per the No Cry book? Until we hit a regression, this was working for us and we were getting longer cot sleeps and going down pretty much fully awake.

[pipnchops]

I've tired all kinds of states of awakeness and a handful of times she's just been drowsy when I've put her in and she's gone to sleep. This has only ever happened at the start of the night though or sometimes for a day nap. In the middle of the night she will only go to sleep with the boob and if she wakes up mid transfer I have to start the whole process again which is so hard when all you want to do is go back to sleep. Often I've resorted to lying down to feed her as I physically don't have the energy to sit up. Agh it's a tough one. But thanks fort your advice I will certainly keep trying to put her down as awake as possible. I think all I can do is persevere.

[Grayfig]

Rather than trying to put them down drowsy at random different times, it's a specific process - I advise having a look in Pantleys book (the No Cry Sleep Solution), so each time you are putting them down more awake. I was the same, I hated a failed transfer but now after night feeds I can put her down just sleepy and pat or lay a hand on her and she goes back to sleep. If you do want more details am happy to explain.

[AprilShowers16]

We were in a similar position, I can't say I magically found a way to get DS back into his cot but it did just gradually start to happen from around 10 months. We started with the evenings (lots of wakings up and gradually were able to extend it. At around a year I night weaned (gently) and that stopped a lot of the wakings, now at nearly 14 months he just spent the whole night in his cot (and slept through) for the first time. We took the gentle route and some of it was definitely led by him but if you'd have told me when he was 10 months it would change I would never have believed you. He still usually spends half the night in our bed but it is heading in the right direction

[crazycatlady5]

How about a floor bed in her own room? Baby safe the room - you get her off to sleep and lie with her, then sneak off, then when she first wakes you go in with her? Hopefully her night waking will then become less frequent xx