Don't know where I'm going wrong...14 week old.

[SophieBear13]

I posted a few months ago about my DD. Since then, things have improved in that she is 'sleeping through the night' although I am aware this could change at anytime. But I am completely incapable of getting her to nap during the day unless she is feeding (breastfeeding).

I feel so guilty everyday because I know she needs more sleep but I don't know how to get her to nap. I feel so useless and like I'm not good enough to be her mum. Especially when I read/hear that babies her age are sleeping 4+ hours a day.

At the moment we start out bedtime routine at 7 and she falls asleep anywhere between 7:30 and 8:30 and then wakes between 5:00-6:00am. After a feed she will go back down but sometimes that's only for half an hour but could be up to 45 minutes on a good day. We get up for the day at 8 after I have usually spent a while trying to get her back down.

During the day she will only sleep while feeding, I wouldn't mind her sleeping on me except she doesn't really sleep she just dozes whilst sucking. As soon as she falls into a deeper sleep and my boob falls out of her mouth she wakes up and starts rooting again. I know that she is using my boob as a dummy and I have tried 5 different brands/types of dummies. Out of all of then she will take the Nuk brand for a few minutes before screaming/crying when she realises it's not a book. For the last week she would happily spend all day on the boob if I let her. Often I let her do this because I just want her to get some sleep but it's making me really sore.

She used to love the sling but now screams when I put her in that and she used to fall asleep in the car too but now that happens rarely or if she does lasts 20 minutes max. She loves her pram but only if she can look around which keeps her awake and if I try and pull the hood over she cries.

I don't know what to do and sometimes I feel like she would be better off without me and just with my DH as he seems to be able to get her to nap on him for 30 mins or more. I dread weekdays when I'm on my own and it's really getting me down. I do meet my other mum friends but she will never sleep whilst we are out so I dread the inevitable meltdowns mid afternoon.

I feel like this is all my fault and I'm failing her because I know she needs to sleep during the day. I just don't know what to do.

[FATEdestiny]

Have you tried feeding her lying down and just staying there, you dozing too?

Exclusive breastfeeding is hard. Parenting a 14 week old is hard. Coping through the phase where by refuses a dummy is bloody hard. Being a first time mum is the hardest. If you are managing all three then blimey, you are doing awesome!

[tatohead]

I'm not one for letting babies cry, but I found when using the sling I'd have to do bouncy walking for 3 mins down the road and my dd would calm down. I used the sling for naps until 18 months!

[Theducksarenotmyfriends]

Try not to feel guilty (says someone who was really sobbing yesterday to dp feeling guilty about my own baby's sleep!!). It's bloody hard and you're doing brilliantly. Amazing that she sleeps through the night! Don't compare her to other baby's and what she should be doing, they're all so different.

Can I ask what sling you use? I had a stretchy wrap that dd loved but then she started to hate it at about 3 months or so. I realised it was because she couldn't see out of it properly and she wanted to see what was going on! I switched to a connecta (after trying out a few at the sling library) and she loves it. She likes to nose about, chew on the hood/straps and falls asleep. It's recently started not working but discovered that if I use the hood to cover her eyes when tired it really calms her down and she now sleeps in it again.

[pikapoo]

Dear OP, you are not failing your DD! It sounds like you are doing an amazing job, it's just your DD currently has a strong preference/habit for dozing on the boob.

When you say she cries in the sling/off the boob, how long does she cry for? Our DS used to be like that around that age, getting increasingly tired but fighting sleep until he'd cry and cry. The baby carrier really helped, yes he'd still cry and grumble but not as badly and within (several) minutes he'd be asleep.