Why does ds sleep so much better at Gp?

[Sparrowlegs248]

Ds almost 18 months, sleeps 7pm - 4 or 5 am. This morning he woke at 4, got him.intonbed and he had another hour but up at 5. This is usual. He doesn't often wake in the night anymore but gets up very early.

He's so far spent 3 nights at my parents. Goes to bed a bit later I think, 7.30, but invariably wakes around 6 then gets in with mum and sleeps til 8. She had to wake him up last time. She sleeps in the same room as him, he's in a small travel cot. I sleep then with him every couple of weeks and he sleeps just the same as usual, up at 5.

Mum thinks it's because her house is warmer. I don't because he'd sleep longer when I was there then.

Is it as simple as me being there that gets him up?

[FlouncingInAWinterWonderland]

I think its due to exhaustion of being very stimulated by grandparents. When you're there he can relax, with grandparents he can't fully relax until ultimately he's crashed out.

[Sparrowlegs248]

I don't know, they have him when I'm.at work and I go there after, and stay over. So it's me that puts him to bed but he's still had the same day with them. Also, 2/3 times he's stayed over he's not been with them all day but only since teatime. (sorry, missed that out first time)

[Namechangefail]

Are they really? My dc dgm used to say they had slept all night but I doubted it as they never did at home and they were always really tired the next day!

[Plaintalkin]

As a Nana of 4 grandchildren I can say categorically all 4 of mine sleep better at ours than at their parents.

My daughters laugh about it.

We don't have a lot of rules but we are absolutely consistent . And the children know it. We give a countdown to bed time. Teeth cleaned , into bed for stories . Then lights out. No wandering in the night unless to the toilet.

They come in if they have a bad dream or upset but 5 mins later it's back to bed. No coming out of their room till the gro-clock says 7am.

Our grandchildren are 10,7,5 and 2 .

In their own homes , bed times are noisy and crazy . They wander in or out of their parents bedrooms and usually their parents are too lazy tired to take them back to their own beds. In fact our 7 yr old dgs prefers to sleep with his parents than in his own bed. He NEVER complains here.

They all get a good nights sleep. As do we .

So don't doubt your parents it's highly likely the children do sleep better there .

[cherrycrumblecustard]

Goodness me, that's a nice post plain

[FATEdestiny]

Your children clearly make poor parents Plaintalkin. Thank goodness most of the current generation are not that incapable.

Nottalotta - you know the way that many chilled-out mums just don't sweat stuff?

You can, for example, get a new mum with her first stressing over 20-thousand 14 minutes wake ups per night (she counts them religiously and times them exactly). Then you get the laid-back mum on her third or fourth child who'll go "yeah, baby woke up. Don't know how much but it's all ok - no big deal" in a blase kind of way. Yet the two babies in question in fact woke up the same amount.

It's not that the second mum is lying. She just had the experience to not make a big deal over normal baby stuff like. Plus she learns to manage the situation better by sleeping while settling baby close by.

A similar dynamic may be happening with your mum. I'm guessing baby deals with it all in a much more laid back way. Rather than "AUGH!!! baby woke up and it's 5am!! Again! Why me?!?!!!" She may just hear a shuffle, lean an arm over in baby's direction and go back to sleep. The lack of reaction whilst still reassuring helps them both settle back into a deep sleep.

[Sparrowlegs248]

I'm.not sure my mum.would be fibbing about it. He sleeps well here, now, but gets up early and rarely settles back to sleep. The times when he's with mum, he still wakes early but drops straight back off again once she cuddles him up in bed.

He goes to sleep equally well for both of us.

I do still feed him at around 5am, could this be a reason? He obvs knows mum can't so just goes back to sleep?

[FATEdestiny]

I don't think she'll be fibbing, but may be more laid back about it.

And yes, the feed may well be part of the problem. I was still giving mine a morning feed at this age. But... 5am would be considered a 'night time' and absolutely not 'morning'. I would therefore treat the 5am wake as I would any other night wake and not feed, just resettle. I wouldn't do anything that signals 'morning' and behave the same I would if the wake had been at 1am. Then give a morning feed anytime after 7am.

[Sparrowlegs248]

Thanks Fate. Its probably hard to believe but I'm not as neurotic as I sound...... I don't get stressed out about the waking as it happens. Probably more so with the naps I think, as I'm usually desperate for a real when it all goes pear shaped.

Yesterday we were extra busy and I assume that has an impact on his sleep - we did a manic hour play gym in the morning, lunch out, and lots of outdoor time in the afternoon. Not quite so busy today but still very active and only just nodding off now so fx for another reasonable wake up.

[FATEdestiny]

hen are you due Notta? Please pop into a thread I've been on and let me know when baby arrives. Even if you dont have a sleep question, I'd love to know.

I'm a little bit jealous of your impending newborn snuggles. I miss those days 😊

[Sparrowlegs248]

2nd Feb Fate. I will let you know! I really, really appreciate all of your help so far. Let's hope I do a bit better next time. Talking of which - I've got swaddled and need to get dummies, any preferred for a hopefully bf baby?!

[Believeitornot]

My dcs always slept better at night if DH put them to bed instead of me. I think this was because they thought I wasn't there so didn't bother to call out for me when they woke.

Once, ds was put to bed by our nanny. He wet himself in the night - I asked why he didn't call out and he said it's because I wasn't there so he went back to sleep! He never normally wet the bed.

So it could be you OP!

[FATEdestiny]

Oh I go on holiday on 5th Feb, hope it's before then so I can see you're news as it happens!

I'm not convinced about the whole nipple confusion thing. I think it's just some thing the breastfeeding mafia say to ensure mums stick boob in mouth as much as possible. I reckon if you know feeding signs, which you will given what a long term breastfeeder you are, then you wouldn't give dummy when a feed is needed anyway.

There are breastfeeding friendly teats - they are flatter in shape. But I don't think it'll make much difference. Ive seen people swear by MAM dummies. Personally I favour cherry teats, which are bulbous. Not because of breastfeeding but because the bulbous shape stays in the mouth more easily IME.

[Believeitornot]

I think it's just some thing the breastfeeding mafia say to ensure mums stick boob in mouth as much as possible

What a horrible thing to say

[Sparrowlegs248]

Tbf I'm not convinced about nipple confusion either, especially with a baby such as ds who knew exactly what he was doing, just a shame I left it far too late for him to take to a dummy or bottle.

It's not likelt to be much aftercare date Fate, am being monitored for high bp, and likely to have c section on or just after due date if baby is loitering.

[llangennith]

Yep my DGC have a routine when they stay at mine. No faffing about, they go up 15 mins before lights out to clean teeth and do all the other things that my DC think take 1 minute but in fact take a lot longer. The. It's a short story and a quick goodnight and that's it. When they were little they might come downstairs but were swiftly returned to bed with no fuss.
My DC now find it amusing but it used to annoy them

[Sparrowlegs248]

To clarify......ds goes to bed perfectly well. My mum follows my routine. It works. My house is quieter and calmer in the evenings.

My question is about him going back to sleep after his early waking when he's at mums, but not at home.

[MollyHuaCha]

When I was a child I found the upstairs of my GP house a little scary. I would have been too frightened to wander around, go to the toilet or anything. So I just huddled in the blankets and slept.

[Scrumptiouscrumpets]

Nottalotta this is just anecdata, but I know loads of bf mums and most of their babies had dummies right from the start. None of them had any problems. I live in Germany and the advice regarding dummies is much more relaxed. I don't even know the German word for nipple confusion!
All the best for the next weeks and hoping you get a sleeper!

[Sparrowlegs248]

Thanks scrumptious, definitely trying a dummy this time.

Molly - ds is still in a cot.

[MollyHuaCha]

Fair enough! My DCs were all doing their Houdini act by that age and had to be in beds for their own safety.

[Sparrowlegs248]

Oh no, he goes to sleep and generally stays asleep all night, but wakes up early, often between 4-5, and that's it for the day more often than not. Except at mums, she does exactly what I do (pick up and snuggle down in bed) and he goes straight back to sleep until 8am!!

The picking up and getting in bed has come from Co sleeping, it's just got a longer and longer time that he stays in his cot.

[Sleepybunny]

Sorry OP it's definitely you! Both mine love a awake up when I'm there too. Granny is just boring.

my kids can sometimes become whinging monsters in my presence, and then are all lovely for the GPs. They mastered this at an early age!

Congrats on your pregnancy. It took my DCs a fair bit of practice to get a proper latch in the early days. So I hesitated giving a dummy. But once things were going I used MAM too. It was the only brand that seemed to stay in.