Dummy anxiety

[cherrylola]

Ds2 is 9 weeks old. He has silent reflux which is helped by ranitidine but also really struggles with wind / colic.
During the day he generally naps in the sling but he is getting increasingly overtired in the evenings. By that point I'm knackered from wearing him all day, chasing my toddler about and generally doing errands and housework.

For the last couple of evenings we have given him a dummy out of desperation to calm him down in the evening. He seems to like it but I am so conflicted about using it. I never gave DS1 a dummy, was very anti-dummy to the point of just being stubborn about it in the end. DS1 used me as a dummy and it was exhausting. However at least he would feed to sleep and sleep on my chest and (eventually) stay asleep when transferred most of the time. DS2 falls asleep on the boob but within a couple of minutes his eyes Spring open and there is no chance of him sleeping. Sadly, he doesn't just stay asleep on my chest anymore which I would love at this age!!

So, my worry is that
A) I don't like dummies
B) the idea of him having to have a dummy to sleep fills me with dread and then the idea of weaning from it is even worse.
3) and most importantly- He has dropped percentiles recently and HV and GP are concerned about him dropping anymore (as am I obviously). I'm worried that as he doesn't seem to be a particularly hungry baby (DS1 was a perma-latch baby) the dummy could stop him feeding / suckling as much as he needs.

Please give me some good advice about all this, I'm really anxious giving him the dummy and would definitely prefer not to use it but it does work.

[cuntinghomicidalcardigan]

Dummies are not that big a deal. There is plenty to worry about in parenting, this is not something you should be worrying about. If it works, give him a dummy. No sleep is less sustainable when you have a toddler too. Limit it to only having it in his cot at night if that helps, that's what I did with dd and she asked to send them to the dummy fairies at 2yr 4 mo in return for a scooter and never asked for them again.

If it works, give him a dummy and get some sleep!

[cherrylola]

Thank you, could it interfere with his feeding?
He sleeps well (for a 9 week old) at night, it's just he fussy evenings that are hard. Perhaps he is over stimulated or over tired as well as the colic.
It would be a concern for me if he needed a dummy at 2 years old. I wonder if it's possible to use on really occasionally, as in not even daily, just as a last resort.

[FATEdestiny]

Dummies allow babies to learn to go to sleep independently (ie without adult help). What's not to love?

They are also NHS recommended because
(a) they help with reflux and
(b) they actively reduce the SIDSs risk.

That said, you are right to worry about dropping centiles. While dummies are recommended by the NHS, they recommend they are not introduced until feeding is established in a BF baby.

Honestly, by 9 weeks I would expect BF to be established. That he is dropping centiles isn't necessarily that BF isn't established, but that there is a problem/issue with feeding that needs to be resolved.

Therefore always, always feed first. If you baby needs the calories then it is important that calories comes first and foremost over everything else. If baby is refusing the breast and is clearly distressed and the dummy will sooth his upset - then of course you give him this source of comfort.

[peggyundercrackers]

Both ours head a dummy, DD gave hers up no problem, we took it from her one day and said your a big girl now and don't need it and she never asked for it again, she was about 2.5 by then. Our ds has one but he's still little and we don't have an issue with it.

Have you tried infacol for reflux? Both ours suffered from reflux and infacol made it better for both of them, we stopped using it when they were about 4 months old.

[Sallyhasleftthebuilding]

Would also recommend lifting the cot slightly to keep head above stomach - makes a high difference at keeping the acid down

[cherrylola]

Thank you. Yes we use Infacol for his colic but it doesn't really help a great deal. Gripe water is a bit more effective so we use that too. His cot is raised at one end which also helps. We had a much less fussy evening last night, I think because he managed a nap around the time my eldest went to bed so wasn't overtired. We didn't need the dummy last night. I'm still in two minds about it, mainly because I need him to get his weight back up. He seems to be feeding fine so I just don't get it.

[Sallyhasleftthebuilding]

You can weigh baby before a feed and again after to see how much milk he takes -

[ILoveACornishPasty]

Dummies are fine! If he is soothed by sucking then it won't take him long to find his fingers-much harder to wean a child off those, you can't trade a thumb for a toy at aged two!!

[cherrylola]

My first never sucked his fingers!

[cherrylola]

But I take your point!

[2snugglets]

My Dd1 had a dummy, she would get tired and hysterical without and sucking a dummy calmed and soothed her, you can always pop it out once there asleep. DD2 never needed one. All babies are different. IMO babies look quite cute with a dummy I think the stigma is with toddlers walking around with them.

[ILoveACornishPasty]

cherrylola I honestly think if a child is 'sucky' (awful word) they will find something to suck and if they're not, they're not-that's what I meant and didn't say. Three of our sons had dummies, two weren't bothered at all. All of them are strapping lads, good sleepers, no residual damage to teeth xx

[cherrylola]

Wow pasty, 5 sons!! You must have a busy home!
I almost regret not giving my first a dummy as he was incredibly 'sucky', but like I said, I just was determined I wouldn't use them. I am very glad I didn't have to wean him off it or face having a toddler who needed a dummy.
We've been giving DS2 one on and off for a couple of days and he does like it but really I think it will become a bit of a convenience thing for me if I carry on with it. For example, yesterday I was rushing around trying to get DS1 ready to leave the house so DS2 could nap in the pram. He was fussing and starting to cry in the pram whilst I chased the toddler to try and get his shoes on, so I gave him the dummy to calm him down. By the time I got the shoes on he was asleep sucking the dummy!! Which is great but I also feel bad about it as if I'd just managed to get sorted 5 minutes sooner we would've been out the door and walking and he would've nodded off after a bit of a grumble.

[ILoveACornishPasty]

Don't feel bad! If it soothes him, why not? Even if it is for convenience. Babies can't tell us what they want or need but I used to watch my boys that had dummies physically relax all over when given a dummy. What a lovely feeling that must be-like taking your bra off after a long day at work or sinking into new sheets when you're tired. Weaning off, for us, was no drama. They only had them for sleeping by 15 months ish (they had to be physically in bed or lying down somewhere) and on each of their second birthdays they had a trip to Toys R Us, chose a toy and 'paid' for it with their dummy. That was it. I'll grant you maybe some people don't find it as easy as that but I say use every non-damaging, non-alcoholic crutch you can. It's hardly like you're settling them with crack

[FATEdestiny]

...he would've nodded off after a bit of a grumble

And with a dummy, whether you left the house 5 minutes earlier or not, he went to sleep without any grumble.

What's best? Crying Grumbling to sleep, or going to sleep easily while soothed and calm?

Weaning off the dummy was no big deal for my children either. Sounds like you are being a bit of a martyr about this OP.

[Effiethemonster]

My goodness, he likes the dummy so give him the dummy! I'll never understand he handwringing.
A week (maximum) of crap sleep because you're weaning him off them compared to months of bad sleep now...it's good for him and it's good for you!

[HalfStar]

OP, I agree with the others - forget the dummy angst! I went through it all with dd2 (dd1 never had one ) and I can tell you now it's a waste of bloody time. I wish I could go back in time and give my dd2 the dummy more often than I did. Was a total martyr about it and I don't know why, was just a bit anxious in general I think as she was a difficult baby and I found adjusting to 2 hard. Give the dummy and let him relax and have a bit of comfort. By 6 months even you can instigate the only for sleep time rule.
Fwiw dd2 gave up her dummy around 8/9 months after she had a cold. I think she would have kept it longer if I'd let her get more attached to it and it would have saved a lot of sleepless nights.

[cherrylola]

Fate I take your point, I said and I mean grumbling, not crying. I would never leave my baby to cry to sleep. A grumble is different, not a cry, not in distress.

[cherrylola]

Thank all, you're right or course, he has the dummy and it is good for him I think. He is currently asleep on my chest after a suck on it. Bliss

[cherrylola]

Oh and his feeding has been excellent for about a week now, it's like he has well and truly got he hang of it. If he hasn't had a good gain at weigh in clinic next week I'll be absolutely stunned.

[Pyjamaramadrama]

I wouldn't worry about the dummy op, I think the baby decides really. Babies like to suckle so it's an easy option when they're not hungry.

Ds2 has one and I felt a bit judged by a few people but really who cares? I wish I'd never worried so much about it, the dummy soothed ds reflux and helped him to sleep.

Now ds is 8 months he only has it for sleep, I occasionally bring it to school assembly as a back up, but you don't have to have it permanently in their mouth into toddlerhood.

Although I've yet to wean him off it, I can't imagine it will be any more difficult than weaning ds1 off his thumb sucking.

[HalfStar]

OP that's great about the feeding. Fingers crossed the next weigh in goes well, and the most important thing is that you feel he has a good rhythm now. The dummy absolutely is good for some babies. What worked with no. 1 doesn't necessarily work with no.2. Isn't it amazing the way one tiny little piece of equipment can restore a bit of sanity to the house and lower blood pressure all around.

We are currently weaning a 4 yr old off thumb sucking here. She's mostly being great about it but it is a drawn out process!

[poocatcherchampion]

I can totally relate to your feelings re dummies. I am a bit further along than you - 4mo.

Didn't have the weight gain issues though third child is never weighed

We have gone for it now as it has sorted day sleeps considerably. Has meant that I have needed to plug it in in the night more than I am happy with really and as a result the cot is still next to my bed instead of on the other side of our bedroom.

I can't quite shake the feeling that with dcs 1&2 I picked them up when they cried but this little one just gets a dummy. he seems happy with it though.