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sleeping in same bed

(23 Posts)
del234 Thu 21-Jan-16 09:09:36

Sure this is somewhere else but can't find it. Having mixed views from midwife and health visitor about baby sleeping in the same bed as you and partner. What should you do?

tiredybear Thu 21-Jan-16 10:20:37

Do what works best for you. If you do decide to bedshare, make sure you follow the safety advice (make sure they can't get covered up too much, parents not completely exhausted (hahaha) smoke free house etc)

My LO has been in bed with us on and off. We wouldn't have got any sleep at all when he's been poorly otherwise!

I think there are also special beds you can buy for bedsharing....

del234 Thu 21-Jan-16 10:46:07

Thank you! Just wanted to see what the consensus was really, i.e. Is it really that bad - the health visitor seemed to think it was.

tiredybear Thu 21-Jan-16 11:13:37

interesting research here about how babies respond bedsharing vs own room.....

LillyBugg Thu 21-Jan-16 11:15:01

I always said I wouldn't do it but then I actually had my baby and did it immediately. I never discussed it with the health visitor or the midwife because I don't see it as their business. Just read up on safe co sleeping before hand and follow the guidelines.

cuntinghomicidalcardigan Thu 21-Jan-16 11:16:47

My ds does a mixture, he goes to bed in his own bed in his own room. If he wakes before 12 I resettle him in his own bed. If it's after 12 then he comes in with meand dh. I also have a 3yo DD so I need some sleep! As long as you're following safe cosleeping guidelines then you should do whatever works for you and your family.

del234 Thu 21-Jan-16 13:00:48

Thanks everyone

FATEdestiny Thu 21-Jan-16 14:01:04

Just wanted to see what the consensus was really

There is a SIDS risk attached to co-sleeping. In fact it is a consistent and significant increase in risk of infant death.

But there is always going to be a risk when you are parenting. It is impossible (and in the longer term highly unhealthy) to attempt to raise your child while eliminating all possible risks

The link called 'download the full evidence base' from the website below will give you the research and data the NHS use to inform their recommendations: (paged 7 to 12 are the sections involving bed sharing):

A meta-analysis published in 2012 found that not a single study (that met the inclusion criteria for the analysis) published since January 1970 showed a reduced risk of SIDS in bed sharing infants; all studies found an increased risk

Some factors increases the risk of SIDS even further:
- Either parent smokes
- The bed/sofa sharer has consumed alcohol or taken drugs (including medications that may make them drowsy)
- The baby was premature
- The baby was low birth-weight

So you are balancing a clear and undisputed increase in the risk of infant sudden death along side factors like the fact that bedsharing is cultural and can promote breastfeeding.

The NHS does not recommend against bed sharing.

But it is important that you make your own judgements based on risk management, rather than reassuring yourself on the basis of what some folks on an internet forum said.

del234 Fri 22-Jan-16 09:09:42

What a surprise - first post and already some negative response... Ridiculous and expected.

SweepTheHalls Fri 22-Jan-16 09:12:55

Mumsnet is not the site to just have everyone agree with you. I think you've got a pretty balanced response with some evidence based research to let you make your own decisions.

ShitFacedTinyTim Fri 22-Jan-16 09:15:04

If you wanted only opinions that agreed with yours, why bother asking the question, OP?

The PP was giving you the factual statistics so you could make an informed choice, what you choose to do is up to you. How is that negative and ridiculous?

LillyBugg Fri 22-Jan-16 09:15:17

Where is the negative response? I think you've had some good replies OP. If you plan to stick around on mumsnet you need to be a bit braver because I actually think this is a good thread!

del234 Fri 22-Jan-16 09:15:26

I'm not asking for agreement. I'm asking for views. What I'm not asking for is someone's opinions on why I'm posting.

INeedNewShoes Fri 22-Jan-16 09:17:11

Erm, you asked for people's views and they have given them constructively and taken the time to direct you towards useful information. I don't see anything overly negative here.

del234 Fri 22-Jan-16 09:18:14

Haha - pointless waste of time. See ya.

drinkyourmilk Fri 22-Jan-16 09:19:40

I haven't seen a single negative post. I can see some where people have shared their experience, and others where you are given links so you can research the safety of co - sleeping so you can make an informed decision.

Purpleboa Fri 22-Jan-16 09:20:50

Like so many baby issues, Co sleeping divides people. Health visitors have a hard line on it because that's what they are told to do. Same goes for weaning early.

I used to be very against it. But I'm now co sleeping with my 7 month old because it's the ONLY way we will get sleep. I'm sure some on here (naming no names) will castigate me for this. But I need sleep and so does my baby. We're just doing it for part of the night and I intend to cut down on it.

So many people on here and that I know in RL co sleep. The guidelines are very clear and helpful. That said, I personally wouldn't feel comfortable doing it with a newborn baby in the same bed. My DD is a lot more robust now but I'd have been terrified when she was smaller! But there are many options. Next baby, I'm planning to get a side cot that attaches to our bed.

Sorry, not much of an answer! But there are many benefits to co sleeping and it can be done safely.

Stylingwax Fri 22-Jan-16 09:21:37


Purpleboa Fri 22-Jan-16 09:25:40

Just reread the full thread. I think I see the post that the OP took objection to. I don't think it was meant to be critical though. Some people on here, while meaning well, aren't always great at softening the blow, and it can be easy to take offense. Please don't go though OP, you'd be missing out on some excellent advice.

NerrSnerr Fri 22-Jan-16 09:35:28

Are you talking about fate's post? How is helping you make an informed choice about the safety of your child negative. Bed sharing is fine, but needs to be done safely and you need to be aware of the risks.

3sugarsplease Fri 22-Jan-16 10:24:14

Surely a view and an opinion are pretty similar? Why post and then as soon as you see something you don't like run?

Now that's utterly ridiculous.

FATEdestiny Fri 22-Jan-16 11:32:19

What a surprise - first post and already some negative response

Is this in relation to my post?

I have co-slept. I did so while being a smoker as well. But I did it being informed and knowledgable of the risks and making my own judgment based on personal attitude to risk.

Why are you offended by being advised to make an informed decision youself?

Is it negative to probide you of the data and facts? Nowhere did I say don't co-sleep. Nowhere did I say do co-sleep. I just provided you some information.

There is no need to be so touchy. None at all.

folieadeux Sat 23-Jan-16 23:38:40

Some other facts:

In sum, overwhelmingly, bedsharing deaths are associated with at least one independent risk factor associated with an infant dying. These include an infant being placed prone (on its stomach) and placed in an adult bed without supervision, or no breastfeeding, or other children in the bed, or infants being placed in an adult bed on top of a pillow, or who bedshare even though their mothers smoked during the pregnancy therein compromising potentially the infants ability to arouse (to terminate too little oxygen, or to terminate an apnea). Drug use and alcohol have historically been associated with poor outcomes for bedsharing babies
There are also people who believe it helps reduce SIDS due to the almost shared breathing effect from close contact.

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