How on earth do I get 11 month old to sleep without feeding??

[HeartOfADog]

I'm at my wits end. Nearly 11 month old has always been a really terrible sleeper. Recently Ive tried to be stricter and get her to at least start the night in her own bed as ours is too small for 3 of us so DP has been on the sofa for months and not only is this affecting our already fragile relationship, but the sofa can't take anymore and is breaking!

Anyway I would dearly love to stop breastfeeding, but the only way she will fall asleep is by me feeding her. I can sit in her room for hours and hours and hours and hours (which i do) putting her back over and over again until she ends up screaming like she's in absolute agony but she won't go to sleep. In the middle of the night, Im afraid I don't even try this as The neighbours also have children and babies and in our block you can hear everything. So I feed her back to sleep. If I don't, she stands/sits up and screams. She's never taken a dummy. Dp works and Im not back yet so I can't really ask for his help.

Any suggestions? How on earth do people get babies to sleep without feeding them?!!

Sorry for v long message.

[Quietlyalert]

Are you breastfeeding to sleep for naps and main evening sleep, or both? i had to breastfeed my daughter to sleep for every nap for the first few months (i still have to breastfeed her to sleep in the evening and about to post for some advice on that as i'd like to cut down that feed). at about five or six months she would allow me to rock her / sing her to sleep for her daytime naps (sometimes this could take up to 20 min) - i'd make sure she was properly asleep before putting her in cot. at about 11 months old she seemed to decide she was too big for rocking so now i put her in the cot, potter in the room for a few mins and then leave the room. she protests loudly for a few mins but if she's really tired she usually falls asleep. instead of starting breastfeeding each time she needs a nap, could you start a little pre-sleep routine such as nappy change / dimming lights or shutting curtains / putting her in sleeping bag etc, so she knows she is expected to sleep? have you tried introducing a comforter or cot mobile as a sleep cue? at 11 months she may be ready for a special teddy you could give her to signal its sleep time. could you breastfeed her til she's sleepy but then try and wake her a little before putting her in the cot so she's very sleepy but not asleep? is your dp back in time for bedtime - could he try giving her a bottle of expressed milk or formula if you do want to stop breastfeeding, now and again at bedtime? again i'm not sure if its naps or main sleep that are the problem but if daytime naps is she properly tired? at 11 months she may just need 20 min or so (or no nap) in the morning then two-three hours at lunch (this from Baby and Toddler week by week book). sorry if this isn't helpful. hope you find a solution soon.

[Serendipity71]

sleepbabies.co.uk/html/top-tips.html
Have a look at this page, we used Sian as a sleep consultant and saved our sanity but her pages are really helpful too.

[nottheOP]

Controlled crying would work.

Your best tool assuming you want something gentler is your dh. He is not lactating so can't bf her to sleep &she'll have to learn how to sleep without it. Stick to him doing it as much as poss for 2 weeks & you should break the back of it.

Also she doesn't need any night feeds at 11 months. Morning, afternoon maybe and bedtime only.

Make sure that milk is before teeth brushing and books in the bedtime routine