Controlled Crying Advice: How long to let cry?

[Cbell]

This is a long post so to be succinct these are my questions (please no judgments we are all tired and emotional).

1. At 9mo what it the longest I might expect to leave my DS to cry? Can you point to research, methods, guidance.
   
2. If CC has worked on one night is it an indicator that DS is ready for the method.
   
3. What are we doing wrong and how can we put it right?
   
   The Details
   
   My DS is 9mo. Never been a good sleeper, waking every 2 hours. We have been managing sleep by sharing the night. DH 10pm-2am wake ups, FF, rocking back to sleep. Me 2am-6am BF and co-sleeping.
   
   While there has been some improvement on my DH side of the night, occasionally sleeping 4 hours (1 in 10 days). My side has got worse as he has become more mobile and increasingly hard to settle. Some nights we are up for 2.5 hours.
   
   So we have tried rolling with the punches, co-sleeping is not the answer, we do not sleep. My DS is not getting enough night time sleep and neither are we.
   
   We began Controlled Crying on Saturday night (I was by myself) and it went brilliantly. DS woke 5 times, always back to sleep by the 6 minute mark and slept from 12.30am - 5.30am. Result
   
   However, last night was carnage. Bed at 7pm - asleep within 10 minutes (grumbling but not distressed). Wake up at 11.45am settled self back to sleep.
   
   Woke at 12.30am - grumbled for 16 minutes then I started checking on him, 2mins, 4 mins increasing to 15mins - after 1 hour not settle.
   
   I then BF him and put him back down awake, more tears and after 20 minutes we gave up and DH rocked him back to sleep. He then slept 2 hours.
   
   
   What do we do next? See questions above.
   
   Thanks for any help we are so worn out and distressed

[TheOrchardKeeper]

It often gets worse before it gets better.

Are you sure he's hungry? If not, the feeding will make it harder but if so then persevere.

It'll may be harder now you've given in once but luckily he's still little so might have forgotten.

What do you do when you go in? You don't lift him up do you or cuddle him? My HV and a few books I had all said it's best to put your hand on them to reassure them but only pick them up if they're obviously very very distressed rather than just cross or wailing. And to never spend more than 1 minute in the room each time you check on them.

Plenty of people are against CC but without it we'd still both be sleeping awfully! It was a godsend for me and DS.

[justabigdisco]

I'm happy to answer your questions as I don't care what other people think of my choices

We did it at 7months as I was going back to work. DD was bf. The best tip I got was that YOU MUST NOT GIVE IN. If you leave them for an hour and then go in and feed them, then that hour has all been for nothing. My DD cried for about an hour and twenty minutes on the 1st night (not constant) but the 2nd night was easier, 3rd night easier still, and from the 4th night she slept through.

We didn't expect her to go the WHOLE night though as she seemed so young - so we said initially if she wakes up until about 11-12pm (when I go to bed) then I will go in and feed her, and same if she wakes after 6. Seemed a bit odd to have different rules for different times of night - but it worked for us. I carried on with a 11pm-ish feed until she was about 10 months, but to be honest I think that was more for my benefit (as I felt bad making her go 12 hours without milk)

For what it's worth I think it's better doing it when they're younger - it must be worse when they can stand up in cot / get out of bed and shout 'mummy mummy'!

Oh and my DD is 2 now and still asleep at 8.40am - and not emotionally traumatised!

Be strong, it is worth it!

[TheOrchardKeeper]

^ tbh I cut out DS's night feed for the first 2 nights and just gave him a later supper and bottle before bed plus earlier breakfast instead which worked. He was 9 months and that worked fine.

Me giving him a night feed whilst doing CC comepletely defeated the point of it for us.

[MaMaPo]

I would really recommend this website - //www.troublesometots.com I used it when getting my little one to start self-settling and I found it helpful. With your son's response this particular page might be useful - //www.troublesometots.com/extinction-burst/

If I were you I'd keep at it. I think you'll get there, and sooner than you think. FWIW, unlike the poster above me we used CC to get out little one to self-settle, but we still had night feeds. She managed that OK, and later dropped feeds herself.

Good luck!