DS won't settle for anyone but me

[paperclips]

DS is 8 months old. Every night and every naptime I breastfeed him to sleep- this has now become the rod for my back that mumsnet reassured me it wouldn't. He is reluctant to take expressed milk, he'll drink it if he's desperate but only with a lot of whinging and fussing, it doesn't have a calming effect.
If I put him down awake he cries, then it becomes screaming - I mean the kind of screaming that will make the neighbours worry for his welfare.

It's not just the feeding to sleep that's the problem. Often he wakes up about 30-60 mins after putting him down and cries. He has to be picked up or it gets messy- but I can usually rock/shush/sing him back to sleep at this point (later on he demands another feed or he'll scream). However- If DH goes to him, he carries on screaming worse and becomes hysterical until he gets his mummy. Recently I've been sending DH so he can "practice" but DS gets more and more upset until I go in, then he calms as soon as I am there. So I restart the whole calming and settling thing again. So usually it just ends up being muggins here that goes to him.

He always wakes in the night for a feed, at least once. I'm pretty sure its more a comfort thing than anything else. He eats 3 good meals and I've tried giving him weetabix for supper before bed, but it made no difference. Recently he's been feeding/sucking for longer, I have tried the pantley pull-off thing he either wakes and cries, or now actually reaches in my top for my boob!

I haven't been out in the evening since September. Every single evening since he was born has been me feeding him to sleep, then going to bed.

I go back to work in a month. Often I have to work late and won't get home till nearly 10pm so DH will have to get him to bed on these nights. I really don't know how they will cope. DH isn't really doing anything pro-active to improve the situation (that's putting it politely). Going back to work is getting closer and closer and I just feel like nothing is improving.

Can anyone help?

[piprabbit]

If you want to encourage your DH to do the settling, then you really need to leave him to it. At the moment you are giving your DS the message that if he only screams long and hard enough then he will get what he wants - you.

So agree with DH that you aren't going to intervene, go and sit in the car or visit a friend or something and let him learn how to do what he needs to do. You might need to repeat for a few nights, but your DH is just as capable as you, he's just had less practice. Once he's got his settling technique sorted, perhaps you can copy what he does so your DS has a consistent settling routine.

It is hard, but you will get there in the end.

[ThisIsMummyPig]

Poor you.

I can recommend the baby whisperer, which I did at 9 months with DD1, and a bit later with DD2.

Basically it works by you going in, giving a cuddle, wait for him to stop crying, put him in the cot, walk out. He will start crying immediately, so pick up, cuddle till stops crying, put down, repeat, again and again and again.

It took me 3 nights with DD1, then she had a bit of a relapse after a week, so we had another bad night, and then it was done.

DD2 took a bit longer because she was older when I did it.

What I would say though is that if DH is trying, leave him to it. Your son is learning that if he cries for his dad, his mum will come, so he will keep crying.

[Raaraathenoisybaby]

I have seen some shocking separation anxiety at 8 months - it passes
Dd2 (who lives life and 100 miles an hour) is 6 months and just starting the anxiety. Jesus she is driving me crazy already and screeching every time I go to the loo etc

[Stumbleine]

Sorry, no advice but watching this as I am in an identical position (also back to work after next month, home late etc) except my dd is coming up to 7 months.

[Forgetfulmog]

My dd is exactly the same - she also constantly looks round for me if being held by someone else (even DH). Ive put it down to Separation Anxiety

[TheChaoGoesMu]

I think you are giving a message that you will go in if he screams long and hard enough. You need to sit on your legs and not go in, however hard it feels to you. Give dh the opportunity to deal with it. I know its hard, I really do, but if dh is with him then he's not being left to cry alone. This will pass. Really it will.