Finding night feeds depressing(37 Posts)
Anyone else find it unbearable being awake in the night? My baby is 6 weeks old so I know this is only the start of my night waking 'career' but I find waking up in the night to feed/wind/change soul destroying. He never goes more than 3hours between feeds day or night, and we rarely get more than 1-2 hours sleep at a time.
I really dread the night times and can't enjoy it or see it as 'special'time with the baby as others do. I feel like an awful mother for feeling so burdened by this. As I type, he has given me a big gummy smile, but I was completely unmoved by it as I am finding it so hard being up at night. My partner is very good and does the night shift twice a week but that just seems to serve as a reminder of what I am missing.
Oops, didn't mean this to be Such a self indulgent moan - hard to find perspective at this time of night.
Oh- and the 5-6 hours sleep thing has only happened a couple of times, I'm not being spoilt!
I feel like this, and my DD is 15 months old. Older DS (4) doesn't really settle until getting on for 9pm, DD wakes up for the first time around 11 (then at least twice more) before getting up at 5.30am. I went back to work 2 weeks ago and am really struggling.
DS slept through soundly from 6 months! 7 am-7pm. DD at 15 months is worse than DS as a newborn.
I wonder if there's anything we can do to make the night's less depressing? Hmmm doubt it. The whole 'sleep when baby sleeps' during the day is all well and good in theory but if I did that then I wouldn't eat, wouldnt have clean clothes etc...
DS is almost 7 weeks old and doesn't sleep for longer than 2.5 hours (which in itself is a new development!) He was only 6lb at birth so hoping as he gets bigger he will be able to take more milk and therefore sleep for longer....<wishful thinking emoticon>
I hate I whe people say "oh as long as you sleep when he sleeps during the day you'll be fine" - erm, as if its that easy!! I cannot nap during the day. I know I only have an hour (2 tops) till be wakes up again so I usually stuff a sandwich down my neck, wash some bottles and ten lie down on the sofa frantically thinking: "sleep sleep you need to go to sleep"...cos that's a relaxing way to lull yourself off to sleep, right??!
I have not managed it once :-/
And in bad days I get tearful and think I suck cos I can't even manage that: a nap. What a rotten failure I am as a mum etc etc. bad times!
Danger I don't think I have eaten a meal at a leisurely pace in the 7 weeks since DS was born. Even when DP is looking after him, I still shovel my food down.
Whenever he sleeps during the day it is a race against time to grab food, wash bottles, sort washing etc. I wouldnt be relaxed enough to sleep if all that wasn't done and by the time it is done, he wakes up
I have never managed a nap when DS naps, my way of dealing with it has always been to just go to bed as early as possible. When he was really little I used to go to bed with him at 7.30pm. He's now 8 1/2mo and I am usually in bed by 9pm, asleep by 10pm latest. The night wakings absolutely suck though, he's poorly at the moment and is just even more random than usual and making loads of noise in his sleep, coughing and stuff, which wakes me up, even if he settles back. It will get better (so everyone tells you!) but it's soul destroying not knowing when!
I used to cry.....a lot during night feeds! I now think I may have had pnd.....or just exhaustion?? I am a rational, hard working, strong willed person normally. But for quite some time my 'little bundle of joy' had me on my knees. I could not rationslise the fact that my ds needed me and he wasn't just waking to piss me off!!!! It does get better (in fact that used to piss me off too when people said that because that didn't help me for today.....iykwim!!!) Ask for as much help as possible and just do whatever you can to make life easier. I used to think because I was the mum it was my problem.....and I should be able to cope!! Not easy! I second what someone else wrote earlier in thread......avoid anyone who is in the baby haze of loveliness and adores the whole situation. They are bad for your soul!! (And probably lying ).
My boy is now nearly 18 mobmonths
Doh Sorry premature posting!! 18 months old and is loads better.....still not perfect but who wants a perfect 7-7 baby eh????
Hoping you stay sane and try and find people to chat to have similar (or worse) situations! ! Even if it's just us lot on here. Keep your chin up. X
Forced - not saying you did/do have PND but when I had it I thought the exact same about my DS waking just to piss me off. I remember thinking "if you really understood how tired I was, you'd let me sleep".
I feel your pain OP. Never got the 'such a special time' comments. What is special or joyful about extreme exhaustion. Anyway, firstly wanted to say that I would've killed to have had two nights off a week! Do appreciate that and try and use it for rest. Things I found helped...one was downloading an app called Baby ESP, which you use to log when baby feeds and sleeps. By logging this I could slowly see the pattern of gradually extending sleeps and reducing feeds. It made me believe that ds was going longer and that it was slowly, slowly, getting better. At 5.5 months I had enough of night feeding and put ds in a Velcro baby swaddle thingy. He stopped night feeding that night and never did it again!
he did however start waking again in the night at nine months not for food but just for fun and still does sometimes at 16 mo
I found it psychologically easier to engineer it so I'd wake up the minimum amount of time - if that's possible! I'd give him his last feed at midnight - having stayed up until then - and then he'd wake 2.30/3am and be back asleep at 3.30 ish, then wake again about 6.30. Looking at it that way, it might only be stretches of 3 hours sleep but I just told myself it was only one waking.
He's 11 weeks now but only started sleeping through in the last couple of weeks but it made it a lot more bearable for the night waking. Would this work for you? I know staying up isn;t for everyone - maybe it was easier for me to manage this because I'd go to bed late anyway and be up at 6am for work - so it didn't feel like a lot different. I just found it easier to stay up than be pulled out of a deep sleep more often, i think!
orenishii I have actually adopted this practice myself. For the past week I have been putting him down at 7:30pm and he then wakes at 10:30ish. I always try to stay awake until then, however tempting it is to sleep at 9ish, because like you I hate being woken from a deep sleep. This way, I don't really count it as a 'night' feed either as I havent had to wake up for it iyswim. To be fair to him this week he only wakes at 2am and 5amish after this when he is then awake for the day which isn't too bad going for a 7wk old.
ignores 7 week olds who sleep 5hours+
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