Help - my baby ate my evenings

[anyname2011]

I can see from reading the threads here - and real life people! - that 6 month olds generally seem to be a bit rubbish at sleeping. however I hope that someone might be able to help a little with this particular variety of non-sleeping.

My girl is 6.5 months. She won't stay settled in the evenings. It's like she will only stay sleeping if on the boob or in direct physical contact with me. i love her to pieces, but this is wearing me seriously thin.

I put her to bed about 7ish (somewhere between 6.30-8), having fed her to sleep, and from then on she wakes every 10mins- 45 mins complaining until about 11ish, when I go to bed. If I feed her, she takes the tiniest of sucks and drops off again, often without ever opening her eyes. (cue me slowly escaping).

If I try not feeding her, ie rock/sing/shush-pat, she gets steadily more infuriated. Husband has some occasional luck with settling her by singing, me, none.

My arms in through the side of the cot don't seem enough, she has to be lying next to me. at the moment, I've persuaded her to accept lying against my leg rather than chest, which at least lets me watch iplayer/ mumsnet.

this goes on until I go to bed, at which point she has me next to her. She seems much happier then, and sleeps more or less solidly through till the early morning, when she has a feed then another doze before waking properly about 7ish.

husband suggests that she's not tired enough, but I put bedtime back to this sort of time because I figured she was overtired. I think her through-the-night wakings have got better since shifting bedtime (she was doing every 1-2hrs) but to be honest I don't definitely know as we are co-sleeping and I don't fully wake up. I'm ok with the night-time stuff - either she's sleeping for a 6hour ish stretch, or feeding without waking me. would like to have her in her cot all night as a next step, but want to get this evening stuff sorted first.

she's pretty good with her daytime naps now, since i've been working on getting those at a more regular time. will sleep in the cot then (feeds to sleep, but then stays settled once I put her down). also sleeps well in buggy.

Routine is more or less
7.30 wake
9.30ish nap for 30-60 mins
1pmish nap for 30mins- 2 hours
5.30ish bath, start of bedtime routine. aim for sleep 12 hours after she woke in morning, but is dictated by whenever she feeds to sleep.

There must be a gentle, kind way to help her be a bit more settled in the evenings? I would just love to have a little time off duty (sounding very self-pitying!).
Thanks for reading.

[Nightmoves]

I had to post to say I love the name of your thread!! I have no helpful advice tho I'm afraid. My DS is 8 months and is pretty similar to your DD but worse (naps next to me or car seat only, only sometimes settled when I come to bed, cot has become climbing frame and not to sleep in...), but I am reliably informed that it will improve in time. Good luck!!

[anyname2011]

aw, thanks.. at least there are some plus points to being very, very bored with baby-settling! hope both our babes get better at this lark soon. What do you do with your boy in the evenings? do you have bedtime, or just keep him up with you?

[mewkins]

Hi,
not sure I can help as such but from reading your post it sounds like your dd has become used to feeding to sleep so is only able to fall back to sleep (after coming into light sleep) by feeding again. The long stretch she does is probably because she's in a deeper sleep.

If you want her to be able to self settle (both at start and during the night) and so wake only when hungry, then you could try one of the many sleep training methods.... but I am not sure how effective gentler ones are. I did pick up put down with dd. It did mean crying but it was very effective - you can google it to see if it's for you.

[fatasbrandybutter]

I know what you mean about this age - I'm afraid we got ours to take a dummy, he really seemed to find it comforting and if used only for nap time can be really helpful and soothing, but I know some people are dead against them. Our ds is 2 now and getting rid of the dummy was fairly easy - no more than about 3 nights of complaining on his part

[BranchingOut]

Ok, what you need is the 'No Cry Sleep Solution' books - buy and read the one for babies and the one for toddlers, as there are some ideas in the toddler one that are quite helpful for babies too.

There is a technique in there for breaking the 'feed to sleep' pattern.

[Nightmoves]

We do have a bedtime and have had bed routine since he was little. He has bath then stories (2) then a feed and song. I put him down which can take a good long time then resettle until giving up and going to bed myself, with the baby, usually early (10ish) as shattered from/preparing for the night wakes. I used to keep him up and attempt cluster feeding but felt he was distracted and really ready for his own bedtime. Mewkins you are totally right - feeding to sleep association bang on however nothing else works for my wee one. Partly own fault as too tired to attempt the gruelling task of gentle sleep training and won't do CIO. It js just unfortunate that he required lots if reassurance during the night. Know at least 2 other people that feed their babies to sleep and they only wake once during the night. I wouldn't change him tho

[Gooeyhead]

Thank you for this thread because I was about to start a similar one! My DD is 6 month old she's has been a brilliant sleeper since 10 weeks (7pm-7am solid sleeper never waking for night feeds). She has also slept in her own room since she was 4 months. In the 3-4 weeks we have introduced solids and her two front bottom teeth have been coming through for about 7-10 days. DD has now starting waking about an hour after she goes down in her cot and she WILL NOT go back down!! She is flat out and usually snoring in my arms but if I put her back in the cot she wakes immediately!! She has been sleeping with me and DH which is fine at the moment but I just wondered if it's a phase? Or if there's anything I can do to keep her in her cot.

[anyname2011]

hey, it's great to hear so much advice and reassurance that other babies are just the same. I agree that it's prob the feeding to sleep so i'll have a proper look at all the suggestions and also show husband this thread, we'll need to both be on board with it if sleep training is the tactic!
nightmoves that sounds really similar to our evenings. I'm sure, sleep training or not, that this stage will pass. I left her with husband and had an evening out recently and it made me feel so much better - was starting to feel really hemmed in. He offered a bottle, which she took a little of and then slept, sung her to sleep the next time, and after that kept her up and distracted her with games before taking her out for a walk in the buggy. not the most normal evening, but man was it worth it for me. any chance you could get a night off?
gooeyhead it must be a bit harsh to have had good sleep and then lose it. Fingers crossed for you that it is just a phase. I suppose i might try, in your position, putting her down in your bed then slowly sneaking away. at least then she's not getting used to your presence for the whole of her sleep. disclaimer- this hasn't actually worked for me, hence the thread!