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Please help, How to move on from this stage!

(8 Posts)
addictedismoving Tue 27-Nov-12 12:42:08

dd2 is 9.5 months old. She doesnt sleep, she is tired all the time but wont sleep.

She used to only sleep on me and with dd1 being just 15 months older it was impractical. So after trying cc, which just made her hysterical and kept dd1 up, I spoke to the hv and she suggested sitting next to dd2 in the cot.

So I put her in her cot, sit next to her, with my hand on her chest or back. Eventually she will fall asleep, but this can take up to an hour. during this time she is staring, at me, at the celing, at the door, anywhere. But she wont sleep. Its almost like she sleeps with her eyes open! When she finally is asleep, I leave the room with out maiking a sound and I have 20 minutes tops before she wakes up. and thats it, her nap is over.

I've tried re settling her and startign all over again but she gets hysterical and makes herself sick sad.

How do I move beyond this point? what I want is to put her down and leave her to fall asleep by herself, I want her to be able to resettle herself when she wakes momentarily, not get upset because I'm not there.

ARGGH in the time its taken to write this, she is awake and crying again sad I have to go to her because dd1 is napping too and I dont want her to wake up, she will be really grumpy.

please help!

addictedismoving Tue 27-Nov-12 12:50:40

I've just managed to re settle her, but its a very rare occurance. She is just so tired.

I just need some help, I really am desprate sad

addictedismoving Tue 27-Nov-12 16:00:43

just bumping to see if anyone has any advice?

Sioda Tue 27-Nov-12 18:43:16

I think ppl need more information addicted. Is this just a nap problem? How are her nights? How many hours is she sleeping altogether? How many naps are you putting her down for? Has she always been a cat napper? Does she ever sleep ok in her cot? Does she ever self-settle without you there?

Without any other info it sounds like she's freaked out that you're there when she goes to sleep but not when she half wakes up. So she avoids going to sleep in the first place. She might also be nervous since the ccing. I'm not against it or criticising you for it at all, but when you half do it and stop (perfectly understandably!) it can leave them much more confused than before.

Maybe as an interim solution you could make sure you're there when she wakes up early from a nap so she can go back to sleep again. If she associates her cot with being hysterical you might need to spend some time rebuilding trust and positive associations with her cot before you try any other sleep training.

omama Tue 27-Nov-12 20:03:16

I agree with pp's point that her difficulty settling may be related to you being there at naptime. Pre 7-8 months, my DS would be comforted by my presence but by 8-9 months I found I was just a distraction to him & if I was in the room he'd constantly be trying to look at me / get my attention. It may be you need to take your gradual withdrawal plan to the next stage & gradually work on removing that contact (but staying by her bedside) & then gradually move further & further away from the cot until you are out the door before she is asleep. I think you may find that will help her settle quicker & be better able to put herself back to sleep if she wakes mid nap / in the night.

That said, if its a routine issue, no amount of GW will sort it. As pp says we need more info so can you post what a typical day looks like for her i.e. wakeup time, the time you start trying to put her down for each nap, when she eventually falls asleep & how long for & her bedtime. This will help folks established if her catnapping is caused by her routine being off i.e. because she's overtired or not tired enough to sleep for any longer.

addictedismoving Wed 28-Nov-12 16:42:08

Her routine, she wakes up at 5.30/6am at 8 she is rubbing her eyes, it takes around 20-30 minutes to settle, then she sleeps for 30 minutes. Shes shattered but refuses to go back to sleep, so up she gets. At somewhere between 11.30 and 12.30 I put dd1 down for a 2 hour nap and try to settle dd2, it can take up to an hour for a 45 minute nap, as long as I'm sat with her. Again shes still really tired and rubbing her eyes and grouchy at 3pm I try again and it takes 30 minutes for a 30ish minute nap. By 6pm she is shattered, it takes 5-10 minutes and she sleeps but wakes every hour ish and one 9f us goes in gives her back her dummy, we sit there for 5 minutes until shes gone again.

That said she fell asleep in the car at 1.30 and is still asleep in her seat I darent turn a light on incase she wakes up!

addictedismoving Wed 28-Nov-12 19:40:35

I think the retreating slowly is the way to go. I think I was having a confidence crisis yesterday, but it is working. I managed to settle her in 10 minutes at bed time today just by sitting next to her cot. I'll keep going with just sitting there for a couple of weeks I think.

omama Fri 30-Nov-12 15:32:13

I def think thats a good idea. It sounds like this is your biggest issue really - she just has to learn this new way of going to sleep - if you look at it from her perspective, up til now its been snuggles with mummy & now wait a minute, no I don't want to go in the cot by myself - swim? By staying with her but gradually retreating from the room you will slowly give her the confidence to go to sleep by herself.

WRT routine, TBH it does actually look like she may be a wee bit overtired as she's not getting a decent restorative nap in the day. It may be this improves all by itself as she learns to self settle. So I'd probably hang fire with making any routine changes until you've completed your gradual retreat, especially if she used to nap well before you made this change.

If, however, the napping issues don't improve......

I notice she's still having a late afternoon catnap - most babies have dropped this 3rd nap by now but I assume she's having it because she didn't nap for long enough at lunchtime. Her morning nap is early at 8.30-9am for 30mins, and this causes 2 issues: 1) early naps can perpetuate early waking, and 2) she is then awake for between 2.5-3.5hrs before her next nap. At her age, this is likely to be too long after a 30min nap , & she may be going down overtired for her lunchtime nap, hence why it is so short & then why she needs that 3rd nap.

So IIWY here's what I would do (only if things don't improve)....

IIWY I would very slowly start to delay your DD's morning naptime, by 5-10mins every few days. Don't go any faster or she will get more overtired. I think you need to get her morning nap starting at 9am at the earliest, but possibly nearer to 9.15/9.30am. By pushing this nap later, even if the nap is still short (30mins), it will mean she is awake for a shorter amount of time before her next nap (ideally 2.5hrs max). This should prevent her being overtired so she should hopefully sleep for longer at nap 2, therefore helping her to feel more rested & also eliminating the need for nap 3. So you are aiming for something like:

Up: 6.30-7am
Nap: 9.15/30-10am
Nap: 12.30-2.30
Bed: 6.30-7pm (depending on length of lunchtime nap)

I think the combination of these things will likely help her early waking, early bedtime cycle.


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