This will be long. Sorry about that.
DS2 is 20 months. For the last year he has been up screaming for 1-3 hours almost every night. We average under 4 hours sleep a night about 45% of the time and I just cannot go on like this any longer. I am permanently ill, he is permanently ill, my work is suffering, I can't function properly any more even when I'm not working (twice this week I have left the shopping behind in the supermarket through being too brain-dead with tiredness to concentrate). I don't even dare drive the car anymore because I know my reaction times are not good enough. I am so tired and irritable due to lack of sleep that I am constantly snapping at DS1 who is only 3. Plus DH and I have no social life (we daren't leave them with anyone in an evening because they're so awful and haven't been out since DS1 was born 3.5 years ago) and no sex life (because we never have the opportunity and even if we did we'd be too knackered). I am beginning to think we should never have had children, since I am clearly so bad at it.
In the course of the last year we have tried what seems like every possible system to get him to sleep and nothing has worked: controlled crying, gradual withdrawal, pick up put down all failed because they rely to some extent on you going in and out, and every time you leave him again he just reaches new heights of hysteria. Co-sleeping doesn't work because he doesn't like to share a bed and kicks, pinches, and hair pulls all night so that no one can sleep. The only thing that does work is me sitting up all night feeding him. But that way I still don't get any sleep and he is only quiet because there's something in his mouth. White noise seemed to help a bit, but not consistently.
He is not a child who whines and whimpers quietly and then gives up and goes back to sleep, so cry-it-out is a non-starter. He wakes and is completely hysterical within seconds unless I give in and feed him, and he is quite capable of screaming full tilt for several hours, whether or not we're there trying to comfort him.
He is not ill, as far as we can tell. He may be teething, but since this has been going on almost continuously for a year I don't think that can be the main issue. He has been tested for food allergies in case there's something upsetting his stomach at night and making him cry, but it doesn't seem to be the case.
The usual routine is dinner, bath, book, breastfeed, bed. On a good day he will feed until sleepy and then I'll say to him "time for bed" and he'll let go, go into his cot, turn over and go to sleep (on a very good day he'll ask to go to bed himself). Then he'll sleep for somewhere between 1 and 4 hours before waking and screaming the place down. My impression is it's not a pain or fear cry, it's basically a raging temper tantrum, but if you attempt to ignore him he simply doesn't stop and starts hurling himself around the cot until he hurts himself or screams so much he throws up. Last night he managed to put his teeth through his lip doing this.
At the moment his dad goes to him (if I go anywhere near him, unless it is to feed him, he just gets even worse) and spends about 45 minutes repeatedly telling him to lie down and go back to sleep while he screams and screams. EVentually he will stop and settle down, but will start again the minute any attempt is made to leave him unless he is completely sound asleep. The whole procedure takes anything from 20 mins to 3 hours, but the usual is 1.5 hours and this can happen anything up to 3 times a night.
We have been waiting for this to gradually teach him to settle more quickly as all the books say it will, but there's no sign of any improvement. Having said that we did have a period of about 6 weeks earlier this summer when he suddenly started sleeping quite well and we were hopeful he had finally grown out of it. We didn't change any element of our routine so I have no idea what the difference was. Now, suddenly, just as suddenly he is back to howling all night.
I just can't face going on like this for much longer. Does anyone have anything to suggest?
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Can't face any more of this. What can we do before I crack?
24 replies
bediscalling · 16/09/2012 14:38
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