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ugh. self settling with 11 month old. tips on calming, anyone?

(9 Posts)
passmyglass Wed 18-Jul-12 13:40:14

Ok, I'll try to keep this brief, and I'm well aware that sleep problems can be lots worse than this (mostly because I have experienced several)...
DD has never been great at self settling. The best we ever got was a phase of leaving her to shout for 15ish mins and then she would conk out. I never liked it and things like teething/ jabs/ etc interrupted my resolve to leave her for that long IYSWIM so we have gradually got out of the habit of it. Now we are in a rubbish situation where every nap and bed time she will do her best to fight sleep, standing up arsing around in her cot until she is knackered and then has a meltdown. At present I stay in her room for the whole time. I pick her up and do cuddling and shushing for a couple of minutes when she gets really overwrought. If this did actually comfort her I'd probably be quite happy, but actually nothing comforts her - not cuddling, singing, shushing, patting - nothing. And so she more or less just carries on having a real paddy until she finally goes to sleep. Most of the time this happens when she is actually in her cot, not being held. I am always tempted to just leave her to get on with it as me being there honestly doesn't seem to comfort her, but the thought of doing nothing to try to help just makes me feel like such a witch. If I could just get her to stay calm and not work herself up, I think she'd be able to self settle and we'd all be much happier. Sorry for essay and hope this makes sense. Oh, and yes we do have a routine, including bath, story, milk, bed etc and I know she is tired when I put her down.

passmyglass Wed 18-Jul-12 13:41:09

and yes, that is a whopping paragraph, sorry. blame it on anxiety!

Tertius Wed 18-Jul-12 22:06:56

Same stage here and I've been messing around with getting my 11 month old very relaxed and then she goes diwn okay but tonight I didn't get it right and so ended up doing cc. So that's what I'm going to do every night just to be kind as the too ing and fro ing with patting bouncing milk story business is not right either. So sympathy from me.

11 months is big enough to learn that cot when tired equals sleep. I am going to try and just stick to this! I'll check on your progress too!

(I sound tougher than I am. Been messing around with various soothing techniques for eleven months and hate to hear her cry).....

Tertius Thu 19-Jul-12 20:03:06

And tonight only 5 minutes crying so that's v encouraging. Hope encouraging for you OP too.

passmyglass Thu 19-Jul-12 20:52:33

Tertius it's very heartening to hear that someone else is in the same boat thanks. Your reply helped give me the courage to bite the bullet and toughen up a bit. So... my new plan is to do usual bed routine and leave plenty of timee for it, to try and get her nice and sleepy; quick cuddle; pop in cot with a couple of cuddly toys for comfort; and exit despite wails of protest. After initial horror at being left, she tends to quickly settle to shouting with occaisional breaks for wandering around cot. Then I'm going to wait and as soon as she sounds upset (rather than just pissed off) I'm going to go back and administer cuddles until calm (but not asleep) and repeat. I've found from past experience that popping in too frequently seems to work her up. So my aim is to be firm and save my sanity but not cause her distress. I hardly dare say it, but this seemed to work quite well tonight. What do you think of my plan? Delighted to hear of your mere 5 mins crying, hurrah, we will win! grin

Tertius Thu 19-Jul-12 22:21:23

Well done!

Your plan sounds identical to mine! And as I am one day ahead of you I Think tomorrow will be even easier for you.

I was doing the same but patting earlier in the week but I am afraid I am stopping that now and just doing in, lying her down, saying shush go to sleep now all reassuringly and calmly, giviing her her rabbit etc and leaving. The patting was thin end of the wedge! And give that baby an inch and frankly she takes a mile!!! She's a brilliant baby but v strong character. I don't want to advise you OP but I half want to suggest that maybe you shouldn't cuddle after the initial putting down in cot? As it may drag the whole thing out... But I say that very tentatively with full knowledge of how every baby differs and how I am not one to speak! Done enough attempts at half hearted sleep training with her!

Tertius Thu 19-Jul-12 22:25:36

I read your post again and please ignore my half hearted advice! Do your plan for a week and then see where you are. Sounds kind.

Good luck

(where are you on naps?) I need to try same before I give her to a nanny two days a week in September!

passmyglass Sun 22-Jul-12 14:12:36

tertius I'm persevering with it. I can't say that she's falling asleep much faster, but she's certainly not taking any longer and I am feeling a lot more sane grin

Napping - hmm: It's not easy and we've done a fair bit of playing around with this recently, as I think she's perhaps verging on being ready to drop to 1 nap (she's a very lively little thing), but have concluded that she's still just about in the 2 nap bracket. Think she's also playing up slightly because she's vvv close to walking unaided (eek).

We have settled on in cot for morning nap somewhere between 9 and 10 (usually 9.30), and In cot anytime between 1 and 2 for afternoon nap. Finding 2nd nap much harder. For both naps she has milk in her room immediately before, on my lap and listening to white noise. (this means that in order for her to be hungry enough for milk, she has lunch at half 11, which seems to be very well received). For the morning nap, this usually gets her nice and drowsy, with eyes drooping but not completely shut, and then when she finishes the bottle, I can just pop her in, she lets out a little protest, rolls over and goes to sleep. For the afternoon nap it works about half the time. The other half of the time, we then have quite a big battle, or occasionally she just refuses afternoon nap altogether, and then we have a horrid rest of the day.

I know everyone says you shouldn't use milk as a prop to go to sleep. This is a very new tactic for us, and I know it may come back to haunt me, but for the moment it makes life much more pleasant. How are your naps?

chazzymoose123 Wed 08-Jul-15 19:59:51

Hi i have jist started controlled crying with my daughter tonight and yh it was hard i went in 4 times before she was asleep n usually she uses the tv to settle email me if u have any worrys ( )

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