Reassurance please - monitors & own room

[AyeWhySWIM]

DS is 5 months now and I'm starting to try putting him up into his cot (in our room) during the early part of the evening so he can get to sleep earlier and I get a little time back to relax and have a glass of wine. I also put him into his cot for early morning nap while I have a shower.

My worry is that I'll miss the sound of him vomiting quietly and/or choking. I convince myself that I could have missed these sounds whilst showering etc. Everyone I speak to seems happy leaving their baby to sleep with a monitor on but I'm not really concerned if he's crying because I'd hear that easily.

Guidelines say it's ok for them to sleep in a room on their own from 6 months but I can't see that this worry is going to go away then or any time soon.

Am I being OTT? How do others rationalise this?

[fififrog]

I don't think you are OTT it is normal to be worried, but try to relax! The first few night's of monitor are hard, but you do get used to it as you get more confident.

When we are downstairs we have the monitor on pretty loud. Wehave just moved it out of the cot as she now wants to play with it but tbh you could hear her breathing while it was in the cot.

For various reasons we moved DD into her own room at 11 weeks, and I was worried I wouldn't wake if something was wrong but in fact we have not had a monitor in the bedroom but I wake up with every non-standard noise anyway. Sometimes I wake up for no reason and then she wakes up 2 mins later - enough to make me feel psychic but perhaps she has made a very quiet noise that woke me without me consciously hearing anything.

I hope you will surprise yourself and learn to relax quickly! Good luck!

[Gigondas]

Would agree with fifi that you do get used to checking and learn to cope.
You could use the movement sensor type monitor if that would help but they can trigger by accident so may need some caution (eg getting out of cot).

[AyeWhySWIM]

Thanks fififrog - I don't think our monitor is the best, we don't hear all the little noises (which I know from listening to 'test' noises from dh!) which isn't reassuring. But I guess you're right that I wouldn't hear anything more when I am asleep next to him. This is going to be so much worse when he's in another room and I'm sleeping next to the monitor - aargh! I'm a nervous wreck through it.

Half of me wants to just go with it so I can enjoy the time out and move forward but the other half of my mind is saying 'don't relax - don't let your guard down'. Definitely guilty of overthinking things.

[AyeWhySWIM]

Sorry cross-posted Gigondas - I did want a movement sensor monitor but have gone off the idea as it would only cover a tiny part of the cot area. And I think I'd be past myself if it was going off randomly.

I think I do just need to build my confidence up and be reassured that it's not wrong to do so. At the moment I look around and feel incredulous that anyone ever tolerates their children sleeping in another room! I realise that's ridiculous and I'm being all pfb. Tonight I managed to stay down a whole hour and watched the bake off with a glass of wine! Dh went up once to resettle him.

[Gigondas]

Can I ask what you are worried sbout exactly - choking? Is this something you have orried about since birth or is it a new concern ( I am not being flippant as I was extremely worried and still do about my pfb but my worries evolved) . What am trying to understand is if there is any reason for fear and hoe that can be de sit with.

Also if stressing you this much why not try him in naps in his cot where you can sit near the build up.

Like fife I moved dd out quite early so was worried but I did learn to cope through using monitor, checking and getting more confidence. That said have just been in (and will check again if up in night) and dd 3 and a bit ....

[AyeWhySWIM]

I've been hyper-anxious (made-up word?) since he was born about sleep safety in general but have got more relaxed about him just being asleep plus follow every guideline going. The vomiting/choking thing is probably because it's the only dangerous thing that I could be listening for or potentially miss very easily if that makes sense? I know that part of me is wanting not to relax about this.

[ZonkedOut]

I would try not to worry about it. DD2 is a very sicky baby, and I started off worrying, but soon realised she always turns her head, or spews away from herself. On the

[ZonkedOut]

Oops...

On the couple of occasions she has choked a little, I have been on my feet and worried, but she seems to be able to get it out of her system very easily.

When I was a baby, people were advised to sleep babies on their fronts to lower risk of choking, but that raised risk of SIDS. Choking risk is really very small.

[zimm]

Hi OP,

Wanted to reply to your post as I am like you - worry about bad things happening where others seem able to relax. First up - babies are NOT are more risking of choking on their backs as they have an reflex that makes them lie with their heads to the side. Secondly what would your baby choke on? He's only 5 months old so nay vomit would just be liquid and just run off to the side. Also if babies vomit they get very upset and let you know about it! The only people who don't wake when they vomit are unconscious drunks (been there.....many moons ago!). So in summary your baby will be totally fine - try not to worry. It is so hard I know, I worry about everything! BTW we have the BT baby monitor and I can hear her breathing :-)