co-sleeping, how easy will it be to encourage him to sleep alone

[mumramum]

Hieveryone - this is my first post- advice gratefully received.
when i brought my ds home i was determined not to co-sleep because both me and dh are very heavy sleepers and i was scared i might squash him. initiallty all went well and he would sleep for 2 hours at a time in his moses basket. he then started cluster feeding when he was about 2 weeks old and was feeding from 5pm -5am with only 2 short (20min) breaks and nappy changes(there were lots of those!)to break up the constant feeding. i was exhausted and gave myself a fright when i realised i had dozed with him on the sofa. i decided co-sleeping was lesser of 2 evils and co-slept following safety guidelines. he is now 4 weeks old and the cluster feeding has stopped but we are stillco-sleeping and he will no longer sleep in his moses basket. i feel quite confident that i am always aware of him and don't feel worried about squashing him- in fact i love being close to him and all 3 of us are getting plenty of sleep. however i am concerned that he is now not able to sleep unless he is in bed with me and feeds to sleep or is taken out in his pram. from the books i've read i can't figure out if i am building his confidence/ trust by always being there or if we are making a rod for our backs by not teaching him to sleep in his moses basket- help! i am confused!

[kellieb7]

Hi, I was in a very similar sitaution and I did absolutely nothing apart from do whatever my DD appeared to want and this was usually snuggle and feed with Mummy all night. However at about 4.5 months, I noticed some small changes such as she was waking and then going back to sleep without feeding or needing snuggling so I decided to try her in her cot by my bed and she was completely happy with this. Now at 6.5 months she sleeps in her cot and in her own room (all night), this was done with no crying or training just patience and time, I may just have being lucky but I honestly believe babies will let you know when they are ready if you are patient, I would just relax and enjoy the cuddles (I have to make do with DH now)

[PukeyRag]

IMO I think co-sleeping does build trust and confidence, and most babies move in to their cot when they are ready, with no trouble. I have been doing both since DD was born, now at 15weeks she sleeps for the first half of the night in her cot, that has the side off and is up against the bed so that she is next to me but we have our own space. For the rest of the night she'll usually sleep in my arm as she goes to sleep easier this way (i'm always too tired to try and settle in cot) plus I love being so close to her and think she is still far too small to be apart from me, I don't understand why some parents are desperate to put them in their own rooms when they're so little.

Anyway, just do what works for you, and I really don't think your DS will have trouble moving in to his cot, just wait until he is ready.

[mumramum]

thanks for your posts - really helpful and given me the confidence to carry on as we are- it really does feel like the right thing having him in the bed- we shall all just enjoy and quit worrying.

pukeyrag when you have the cot pushed up against the bed do you attatch it in anyway? I tried to set it up likethat but was worried that ds might slip down between bed and cot so abandoned it without trying it....would be keen to give it a goin the future tho if it is safe.

[Ginabraz]

I guess it's nice to see so many positive posts about co-sleeping, but I beg to differ. I have done both methods and for each of my sons. DS1 went to his own room as soon as he came out of hospital. DS2 who came along 14ths later was in a moses basket and then quite often in our bed which I found so lovely but really it nearly ruined me. Later he just didn't get used to not having us around. When he was in the cot near our bed he would wake if we rolled over and was in general a very light and disturbed sleeper.

However, DS1, was brilliant from the very early days and settled easily in his own cot. It I had the space DS2 would have been treated in the same way.

[kellieb7]

Mumramum I brought a really cheap cot from ebay (I just searched co-sleeping) which was specifically made to go beside your bed, it didn't attach but had an extra piece of wood that slides under your mattress, I never had any problems with it. HTH

[drcrab]

My daughter is 9 months old and we still co sleep. Generally because we don't have enough room for her to have her own room but also because she won't really sleep in her cot! She was perfectly good at birth till 4 months old. She'd be fed then put in Moses basket awake and drift off by herself. Now she seems to need boob or need the cuddles to go sleep. Grr.

My son was v much a boob man but he went into his bed quite early on and although he didn't sleep through the night till 22 months we didn't cosleep with Jim because he was a noisier sleeper than hubby!!?

[TheBreastmilksOnMe]

I found myself in pretty much the same situation as you OP, with my DS who is now nearly 3yrs old and has slept in his own room since the age of 2 years (when he got too big for our bed!) I now co-sleep with his sister who is 21 weeks old and have done since birth. I didn't bother trying to settle her into a moses basket this time and she has always slept beautifully.

When DS became too big for our bed and because he was 2 years old, we were able to prepare him for the transition by making a big fuss of him sleeping in a big boys bed with his own duvet and pillow so he was really excited about the whole idea. It took about 4 nights to get him used to the new routine with a few tears and a further couple of weeks before he became good at sleeping through and now he loves going to bed, sleeps for 12 hours, loves having his own space and rarely wakes up during the nights.

So I''d say, don't worry about the future, you'll cross that bridge when you come to it and it may well be far easier then you anticipated, as it was for us.

[MrsWifty]

Another one who believes they'll do it when they're good and ready here. I started co-sleeping with my now 15-week-old DS for very similar reasons. I also worried about when we could stop, up until quite recently when I decided to just go with the flow. And lo and behold, last week he suddenly started reliably going to sleep while lying in his cot, and has been there for the start of the night ever since. (I'm typing this on my phone while doing a dreamfeed in the hope that the first half will be much longer, but no luck there yet!)

As long as you're doing it safely, no need to worry - or explain yourself to anyone :)

[PukeyRag]

Currently I don't have it attached, but the mattress is pushed right up against the bed and I have a rolled up blanket in the gap where the bars are. (her sheet goes over this as well as the mattress so it's safe) I will however be attaching it with some bungee cord before too long as she's started rolling around now. (either that or put the side back on but still have it pushed against the bed) :)

[mumramum]

thanks everyone for your posts x

[breatheslowly]

We did the cot attached to the bed thing. DH drilled holes in the cot legs and put a couple of screws into the bottom of our bed. He then attached the cot to the bed with cable ties. We used rolled up towels to fill the gap between the cot mattress and the outside edge of the cot. It worked a treat and DD moved into her own room with no problems at all at about 6 or 7 mo.

[Thehusbandsatcricketagain]

I have to say that I have had 4 children & 3 of them co-slept with me (4th was his choice not to as he slept in his cot through the night from 5 weeks).My eldest was so dependant on it that I ended up putting a single bed next to our double so we all had more room & I have to say I never regretted it as when it came to getting them all to be independant sleepers,all it took was some discipline on both our parts,some sensitivity & a few weeks of disturbed nights.I would never say don't do it as my eldest was 3 before he went into his own bed & even after that he still crept in for many months after & it was such a lovely thing,only thing to suffer is relations between the grownups but you only get that chance when they are tiny once but relationships can survive & last for many years if both parties are understanding.

You do what feels right for you & don't listen to anyone else (as n the professionals,the only reason not to do it is if you have been drinking or are on medication).Good luck & enjoy every minute of it as it is so special.

[breatheslowly]

And go with your instincts and ignore the books or take only the bits that suit you (and your baby) from the books. I have been told many times by friends that I just need to put DD in her cot and let her cry rather than hold her until she is nearly asleep or asleep. But I am sure it is not for us and DH wouldn't do it either. Each very much to their own! I don't know any adults who still co-sleep or are held until they are asleep (at least not with/by their parents .

[LITTLEGEEK]

It's so nice to read a post like this supporting co-sleeping. DS refused point blank to sleep in cot or crib when born and preferred mummy or daddys arms. He only slept in half hour stints anyway. It was exhausting and after 3 months of cosleeping in bed I moved him into his cot. We took the side off and pushed the cot right up against the bed, so we have our own space. It make sit so much easier if he rassles during the night and I need to go to him. Sometimes he likes to snuggle in for a cuddle, other times he shimmys round so his feet are at my chest. He's comfy, I'm comfy and it also puts him in a good position to give me a kick when he wakes up in the morning lol. But as the other posters have said, he will sleep himself when he's ready. MIL and friends think its a bit odd but when they see how smiley, happy and content he is, they can't argue. It's working for us.

[lowra]

DD wouldn't settle in her moses basket as a newborn, she would only fall asleep on me and then would wake up and cry if I tried to put her down in her moses basket. Co-sleeping felt like the only option, and meant we all got some sleep.

I was also really worried about getting her out of our bed and back into her moses basket and was putting it off! I eventually moved her back at about 10 weeks and the transition was suprisingly easy. She was completely fine and we probably could have done it earlier.

Personally I wouldn't worry too much about the trust/confidence issues. Good luck! x

[mumramum]

thank you thank you everyone. its been great to get your thoughts. just to give you an update we are still co-sleeping and getting great sleep even tho we are currently on 6 week growth spurt feeding frenzy. we plan to continue as we are and review things at about 12 weeks. there are already changes as ds now able to sleep in his own part of the bed and doesnt need me curled around him as he did when we first started. seeing changes in him every day and feel quite sure he will go into his cot when he is ready.

[mumramum]

also i should say i am loving co-sleeping and im sure i will bea bit sad when it comes to an end.