How do you keep your cool when you're sleep-deprived? Patience running low...

[makemineamojito]

Had about four hours' sleep last night (1 year old sleeping badly) and I always seem to have zero patience the next day. My temper is frighteningly short when I'm tired and I find myself shouting at my children when they're being difficult, which I'd rather not do. How do other mothers manage to stay rational and not fly off the handle?

[lovemy2babies]

Honestly, I can't
Do your kids go to nursery or can they stay round Grans unti you can sort your sleep out?
Or can you all go to playground or indoor playcenters?
Take them somewhere where they can be self entertained and leave you alone.

I understand how sleep deprecation can effect the whole family.

I feel like I'm in some kind of hell when it's bad.

[mousesma]

I shout at my cat, poor sod.

[lovemy2babies]

Mousema, are you taking the piss??

[mousesma]

No I am absoutely not although it sounded a bit glib.

I haven't slept for longer than 3 hours at a time for the last 6 months since DD was born. At times it's all I can do not to scream at her to shut up when she is being grizzly. I've found myself telling the cat to F off when I really want to say that to DD.

Yesterday I nearly cried in the car beacuse the "I'm falling to pieces came" song came on the radio.

I understand how awful sleep deprivation is I deal with the situation with humour, obviously this approach doesn't work for you.

[Sunshine31]

I cant either. I have no patience at the best of times and worse when sleep deprived. DD 2 is nearly 5 months and only just started to sleep vaugely sensibly at night, so Ive spent much of the past 5 months shouting at DD1 when she does anything remotely difficult. Dh works away and no family around. I hate it and get so annoyed with myself. I did find that apart from nursery and getting us out of the house, the only solution was a cup of tea, chocolate biscuit and Cbeebies until I had calmed down.

[Sunshine31]

I cant either. I have no patience at the best of times and worse when sleep deprived. DD 2 is nearly 5 months and only just started to sleep vaugely sensibly at night, so Ive spent much of the past 5 months shouting at DD1 when she does anything remotely difficult. Dh works away and no family around. I hate it and get so annoyed with myself. I did find that apart from nursery and getting us out of the house, the only solution was a cup of tea, chocolate biscuit and Cbeebies until I had calmed down.

[Panzee]

Lucozade.

[lovemy2babies]

Mousema I aplogise for being a tad wee sensitive and jumping on you.
Thought you were on a wind up mission

[Astrophe]

Sometimes a whisper a lot. It sory of helps keep me calm, and when I do escalate, it turns to speaking loudly rather than shouting, as i started lower IYSWIM. I think the DC also know that when Mummy is whispering at them, something is up.

Its awful though isn;t it?

I am pg with number 4 at the mo, in the middle of our long summer holidays here and am tired and sick and grumpy and have no energy to take the kids anywhere and no patience for their mess and noise. I feel like a horrible mother :(

[SlowComfortableShrew]

Real coffee helps amazingly but only before 4pm. A slow cooker so the dinner is made when you are at the best part of the day and ready for the death hour. I ended up on anti dependants though tbh.

[SlowComfortableShrew]

Depressants I mean

[missorinoco]

I can't. Minimise it with chocolate, and by getting out of the house as much as I can, but I find it very hard.

My nerves are frazzled when I am really sleep deprived and hitting the little red button to make me explode is oh-so-easy.

[SycamoretreeIsVile]

I used to always have sugar in my tea in the mornings, and although things are better now the kids are older (3 and 5) a recent accident in the family has really put the strain on things again so we are all exhausted.

I tend to just cut everyone more slack - by that I mean I just let my standards drop, both in terms of what I expect from the kids, DH but also what I expect of myself as a mum.

cbeebies features heavily. Going for a coffee and some cake as an activity happens more frequently.

It is so tough at that age, my heart goes out to you.

[Popbiscuit]

Avoid shops and cafes. I just tried this with my three as a "get out of the house" measure. I ended up crying in my car in the parking lot after my son threw a complete wobbly in Starbucks. Do not underestimate the amount of havoc that results in your brain after a poor night's sleep. Recognize that you are temporarily "insane" and treat yourself accordingly. I find that a little walk around the block (or halfway) does wonders for you AND the dc's--fresh air and exercise allow you to "reset" iykwim.

[SycamoretreeIsVile]

Sugar, caffeine, getting out of your four walls.

[BaggedandTagged]

I dont. I become a psycho. That's why I basically snapped and (whispers) started using an expressed bottle topped up with formula for the 10pm feed so I get a block of sleep.

[montmartre]

Actually shrew- anti-dependents would be very useful!

It is hard, v hard... I eat more when I'm tired, and I know when I'm too tired as I have a heart condition that starts to play up...

You do get used to survivng on less sleep too... my almost 5yo still has us up in the night, and my toddler has bad nghts when he's teething or ill... I rarely get more that 5 hours a night, and haven't had more than 5 hours straight in over 5 years... it becomes a way of life.

Am sometimes more shouty than id want to be... I imagine my favourite mner is in the next room, and it helps me moderate my behaviour. I am also v grateful that my children are pretty well behaved and play with each other nicely about 97% of the time... its a lifesaver.

[Lastyearsmodel]

Aw, I love this thread. Horrifically sleep-deprived women almost bickering, getting the wrong end of the stick, tearful apologies, typos appearing as if the writer had momentarily lost consciousness and slumped over the keyboard. This is just like my life!

DD2 (4mo, could be more, I've lost count) is a dreadful sleeper. I've started to feel dizzy, sick and headachey with tiredness. And sometime I'm so exhausted I don't even feel tired anymore - which leads to manic laughter, picking irrational fights with DP and irresponsible internet shopping.

And the bloody insomnia caused by having to force yourself to stay awake all day so that when bedtime comes you can't switch off.

So relieved to hear the remedies I'm using are widespread - caffeine, shouting, sugar, and every once in a while, a huge effort to be more organised so the 4-7pm after school bit goes more smoothly.

I also sometimes really resent having to go to bed early because I miss out on any evening time.

Sorry OP, I have no good ideas about keeping one's cool, apart from insisting on time off when DP is home. And getting out of the house once a day for fresh air. And knowing it will end.

[lovemy2babies]

Lastyearsmodel

if someone told me how fucked up my health would have been after having kids I would have reconsidered my life style choice and chosen to travel the world working in bars

Actually... I would never not have my kids they are great!

See I have a sense of humor...

I actually got some sleep by having a long lie in this morning and I feel a million times better. :)

Just remembered why i started this post - Lastyearsmodel I was recommended bachs night time rescue on another thread as I couldn't turn off at night due to insomnia and it has really helped.

If only I could get my Dcs to sleep through

[Lastyearsmodel]

Didn't know Bach's did a night time rescue - thanks, lovemy2babies. your lie-in this morning. Suddenly the world looks brighter when you've had some sleep. I make the most amazing plans to conquer the world (or housework) when I get more than 3 hours.

Sheesh, the health problems - every morning there's a new click or creak or ache. And I've got the GP on speed dial for the DCs and their winter ailments. Yesterday DD2 was dx with exczema (sp?) and today DS has gunk leaking out of his ear and just been told he's got to have antibiotics. I swear, I never used to go to the doc.

Someone on last night's Paul McKenna live chat said they'd played their 1yo his I Can Make You Sleep CD and it worked!

[susie100]

I could not cope and became a monster

Also as main breadwinner, being a zombie was not an option for me.
So come 6 months I sleep trained both dds.
Took 1 hour first night, 40 mins the next and 5 mins on night 3 and that is it.

OP - if your baby is one you can try it? I know its not for everyone but it saved my sanity completely and the DDs were a lot happier in the day.

[acumenin]

It's hard. I think I last had a full night's sleep in about 2007. Now I am on a 120 minute (and two 180 minute per 24 thank god) schedule and have been on that since November 2009. You do get better at just clunking into sleep when the opportunity arises.

I have never been a patient person. The only thing I can do is try to be kind and say sorry a lot. And remember that I am unreasonable but so is everyone.

The things that have worked for me, coping with sleep deprivation:

1. treating it as a challenge and spending my energy on making it easier to cope with/making me more efficient rather than longing for smth I can't have, so self care:
   

-having a consistent bedtime, even if I don't sleep then, I get into my pyjamas and the big light goes off etc, so when I am really tired I can look forward to that instead of looking forward to sleep that might be available

-listening to the same audio book over and over so it's become like a meditative drone

-very good coffee at around 6.30 and another boost at around 1.30

-doing everything that can be done as soon as I can do it - if I have a burst of energy, I run round the house and pack in housework, write a dozen emails, make the most of every moment

-being realistic and stopping trying to do everything you used to do, which means going without sometimes but in the long run cuts down on those horrendous episodes where you're hiding in the world foods aisle, weeping, in an accidentally-pink shirt, with only one eyebrow, having lost the ability to comprehend paprika

-when the hallucinations and hypervigilance kick in, I find doing some pilates/yoga, wrapping up in warm clothes and eating a giant burger help with keeping your limbs working and keeping you moving and not entirely homicidal

[goingwiththeflow]

lastyearsmodel "Aw, I love this thread. Horrifically sleep-deprived women almost bickering, getting the wrong end of the stick, tearful apologies, typos appearing as if the writer had momentarily lost consciousness and slumped over the keyboard. This is just like my life! "

you made me laugh so much I had tears in my eyes !!! thank you!!

... obv I am also very sleep deprived and building up to post school pick up mayhem

[makemineamojito]

Oh my goodness - thanks everyone for your thoughts! I never seem to bump into mothers who seem as tired as I feel, so it's hard to remember that they're out there and I'm not alone! Maybe they're just putting on a facade like I do...
Both dcs slept through until 7.15 last night, so not feeling quite as crazed today. Hope yours all do tonight too x