Looking for advice desperately.
Bit of background -
Got an 8 week old baby. Pregnancy was difficult emotionally. I had near on absent movement and daily CTGs and was admitted to the mother and baby mental health unit for the whole of the third trimester (I have Bipolar).
Around the time of becoming pregnant I started to worry that people knew I had had sex, like the pregnancy was evidence of my shameful sex acts. This was particularly the case with family members.
My partner and I have not sex this year, nor have I had any ‘alone time’. I know he masturbates and although it is none of my business, it repulses me. I can envisage him doing it and I feel nothing but disgust. These images plague me.
I also have frequent and awful intrusive thoughts, always images, of my family members, friends and professionals engaged in sex acts. I cannot escape these thoughts and I feel shame on their behalf.
Strangely, I have had a varied and fulfilling sex life with very little shame. Now I feel mortified that my son is evidence that I have had sex. I feel disgust at myself for having the thoughts I have, like I am a shameful human being. I feel like I need to distance myself from my body. I find it increasingly difficult to be around people, including my family and partner.
I don’t know what is wrong with me. Has anyone ever been here and got through it?
(Please don’t flame me. I know this is abnormal and that people have healthy sex lives and I try and tell myself it’s a healthy part of being human)
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Disgust and shame around sex and sexual acts
4 replies
Thesepreciousthings · 25/07/2019 16:42
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