DH & I have been together for 12 years, married for 5. We have 2 beautiful DC (7 & 2) and he is a wonderful father to them. I love him very much but I've just zero interest in sex anymore. Its been headed this way for years but has been particularly bad since DC2 was born. He is growing tired of my excuses, keeps pointing out how little we are doing it - it feels like our relationship is breaking and I don't know what to do.
I'm so tired. All the time. I'm always busy - work PT, looking after the kids, housework/jobs when they are in bed. I get no down time & I resent that. He works FT but once kids are in bed gets the evening to himself. Every day.
I feel like I'm drowning in a sea of all the jobs that need doing here and feel so unsupported & undervalued & quite frankly resentful. I stop at 10/11pm then go on my phone for a bit of chill out time before going to sleep. Stay up too late. My eyes hurt. I feel teary. i just dont want to have sex when I feel like this. This has been a big part of it over the years but its not the only thing. I make excuse after excuse.
I was studying for professional exams & too tired. Exhausted from having DC. Had PND. Had treatment for abnormal smear. Struggles with ttc where sex became all about making babies & not about love & intimacy. Had a miscarriage. Since having DC2 I am overweight & dont feel comfortable being naked. I'm struggling to lose weight but I self sabotage & only have myself to blame. He can't understand why I don't lose weight when I hate my body so much. I have a medical problem that despite surgery keeps recurring & means I can't ever be spontaneous with sex as I always need to go to the loo first. So I avoid it but this only makes it worse. He often pokes,prods & gropes my boobs & bum as he walks past me. I hate it & despite asking him not to he still does it - it makes me feel he has no respect for me or my body. So I avoid sex even more.
Its got to the point where he is (understandably) feeling very rejected because of my disinterest. He has gradually withdrawn almost all physical contact because of this and never kisses or cuddles me anymore. I never initiate intimacy as I know he will expect full sex, and sometimes all I want is a cuddle. So I avoid it as much as possible, even though I know this has inevitably made things worse. Although he never says anything, it makes me feel pressured, & there's been a few occasions where I've gone along with sex because I don't want to disappoint him, even though I'm not really feeling like it.
I love him, I find him attractive, and when we (very occasionally) do have sex its always good, I just don't know whats wrong with me. I feel like we're stuck in a place where he needs sex to feel loved, and I need to feel love & respected in order to want to have sex. We keep coming back to this same point, and yet we never seem to break the cycle. I just don't know where to go from here.
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I've lost all interest in sex
10 replies
sheknowsnotwhattodo · 13/10/2017 12:16
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