Talk

Advanced search

What kind of behaviour management strategies work for your kids

(13 Posts)
Namechangewho Sat 28-Sep-19 14:18:28

Whether they are what the school uses or you use at home, I need examples because I feel I’ve exhausted most options I can think of for my son.

OP’s posts: |
Herocomplex Sat 28-Sep-19 14:22:36

What’s his opinion of what’s happening? Is he defiant, destructive, won’t follow reasonable instruction? Depends what the issue is.

Namechangewho Sat 28-Sep-19 14:27:31

Disruptive at times , lazy , defiant at home and sometimes in school and fails to follow easy instructions

OP’s posts: |
Herocomplex Sat 28-Sep-19 14:37:37

Teenager or younger?

Namechangewho Sat 28-Sep-19 14:38:09

Teenager

OP’s posts: |
Herocomplex Sat 28-Sep-19 14:49:45

First of all, it’s bloody hard. A headteacher described how 14 year olds go into a kind of tunnel where they can’t really hear much beyond their own preoccupations. You just have to hope they come out of it at the other end as a reasonable young adult. There’s no magic formula. I would just be really straightforward with him, lay down your boundaries, be calm. Repeat yourself. Tell him how you feel when he behaves badly.
Do you have any good things you do together? Does he listen to you, ask advice?
It’s exhausting, and it’s upsetting when you know they’re giving themselves a bad name.

Namechangewho Sat 28-Sep-19 18:52:20

We go shopping for games for his PS4 sometimes and sometimes he speaks to me but he’s not as open as I’d like.

OP’s posts: |
Herocomplex Sat 28-Sep-19 19:29:37

I’d try and build on those connections, ask his opinion on things, find your common ground. I can’t offer you a list of punishments because I’m not convinced it’s what teenagers respond to - sure, take stuff away, ground him, whatever. It’s becomes a war of nerves and threats, and it’s so upsetting. Get him on your side, improve your relationship and you might get through to him more easily?
Good luck. X

physicskate Sat 28-Sep-19 20:47:21

Choices and consequences. I was a secondary teacher.

If you do this, x will happen. If you do that, y will happen. Hopefully this and that are things that are acceptable to you (as well as the consequences being true or enforceable). Be clear on the expectations.

A new study came out saying teenagers are more like to respond to their mothers if coming from an angle of support.

So the consequences could be natural or how someone else would respond.

For example, when asked to leave the class because of misdemeanours, I would say, 'you can choose to re-enter the class and get on with your leaning without disrupting others. This may mean you understand the hw/ test etc... or you can withdraw yourself from the lesson which the school says will mean a negative phone call home, a detention... blah blah...'

And always start fresh after a consequence. No point scoring!

TeenPlusTwenties Sat 28-Sep-19 20:53:47

As mentioned on your other thread, I would rule out a processing issue such as dyspraxia.
If a teacher says 'first I want you to do A blah blah blah and then when you've done that do B blah blah blah' then my DD wouldn't have remembered A or B and so wouldn't have been able to do them.

june2007 Sat 28-Sep-19 21:18:38

I rather call it actions and consequences rather then choices, as I don't think misbeaviour/ not doing what they should is necesserily an imnformed/understood choice..

CapturedFairy Sun 29-Sep-19 15:28:09

I think trying to get them to understand (hopefully from a young age) that you only want the best for them. You aren't doing things to spoil their fun but instead you are worried about them hurting themselves and the consequent A&E visit, the problems showering with a broken arm/leg and the physiotherapy that ensues. My two watch fail army videos but they don't see the aftermath of the injuries.

Re education/sleep/eating that again you are trying to keep them healthy so they don't have issues concentrating in class, that you never want to see them struggle financially (we have a good life, by contrast my SIL does not and they see it.)

That imagine if I suddenly decided I couldn't be arsed to go food shopping or go to the bank to get cash out, stopped doing laundry and ironing their uniform. Why is it that they get to cop out of stuff? We never did chores for money in this house, it isn't optional and they started very young.

Basically for us it has always come down to I get what I want then you get what you want (within reason) so shopping wise, I need to take you to get school shoes, you need to come at it with a positive attitude or you will not be allowed what you want ie gaming/tv/out on bike etc when we get home. This is the same as the real world, your boss wants X you want Y which is money.

As a parent all you need to provide is a bed, some food and some clothes, anything else can be restricted or taken away. And yes I have teens, sons who are 16 and 13.

Herocomplex Sun 29-Sep-19 18:02:24

And love CapturedFairy. Even when they’re not doing what you want you must provide love.

Join the discussion

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet

Already have a Mumsnet account? Log in