Year 7 dd making friends

[thisisnotthewaytodoit]

Dd has started at a secondary school with none of her good friends from primary. She seems to be happy and settling in well always positive about school, lessons etc. But as yet seems to be drifting around at break and lunch with different girls - not found anyone she really likes yet. Is this normal? When do they start to have close friends? I'm sure I'm worrying about nothing but it's all new to me!

[AjasLipstick]

I think it's normal for many OP. My own DD is now 14 and it wasn't until she hit `13 that she suddenly found her tribe.

Prior to that, she "drifted" with some girls who were quite nice but not really her cup of tea.

Encourage her to join some clubs. With DD, she joined an Anime club and found that one boy in the club had a Mum who is friendly with me...they soon began meeting at weekends and he is an outgoing lad who knew loads of other kids with the same interests at school....she suddenly had a gang.

[cheaperthebetter]

Hi , I totally understand were you are coming from.
DS started y7 in Sep and he made 1 friend a lovely girl called Megan, as DS knew literally 2 people from his primary, who he never bothered with.

For the first 2 weeks it was Megan this Megan that, I said to him 'have you made any other friends?'
He said ' no I don't need to I have Megan ' (which she is one of the nicest people I've met)
I am battling a with CAMHS to have him diagnosed for ASD, DS is very painfully awkward socially , he literally finds someone and is attached to their side!
But he came home a week ago his phone going off the rector scale! Constant 'ping, ping, ping' I said 'wow Megan can text!'
DS said 'no mum it all my friends we are all in a WhatsApp group '

Happiest day of my life !

Please don't worry she will get there , Also your DD sounds like she is observing people, which is important to make sure she makes the right friends

[thisisnotthewaytodoit]

Thanks for the reassurance. I will definitely try to encourage her to go to some clubs. I thought she'd be keen to go to them, especially the arty ones, but so far she's not been bothered.Maybe she feels nervous about going on her own. I'll have a chat about them with her.

[AjasLipstick]

Yes and explain that feeling nervous is ok...everyone does. But a club is there to offer some activities for her to do...not as an automatic pressure-filled friend-making machine.

If she makes a friend, great. If not, fine!

Encourage her to also join something out of school, to widen her circle.

[BarbarianMum]

Ds1 was in this position last year. Clubs are a good idea - and patience. In his case there were kids he was friendly with but "friendships" didnt really develop til after Christmas.

[Malbecfan]

DD1 was also in this position. Lots of people were friendly but she sobbed in week 4 that "everyone else had a best friend" but she didn't. It was bad because I taught in the school, so really wanted it to work for her.

Her form tutor (who is now a very good friend) said it was quite normal and not to worry at this stage. She was more concerned about the children who only had a best friend because when the best friend was absent or in a different group next year, that's when problems came along.

Of course, the form tutor was right. DD ended up with a large circle of friends, most of whom weren't in her original form. They are all at uni now but they are all in contact and meet up regularly in their holidays.

Make sure your DD is friendly to her peers and she'll get there.