Need help - should we move for secondary?

[unameavailable]

I feel so anxious about secondary school choices. Sorry for the long post but don't want to drip feed.
Dd is in year 5, small school. We moved away from the catchment a few years ago but left her in the primary. She was year 2 and secondary seemed so far away. And here we are.

1. Our catchment secondary is bad. Not an option.
2. Catchment secondary for dds Primary school is where she would like to go and stay with her friends. We would be just out of offering distance.
3. There is another secondary that I would like her to go to which we would get into and a handful of kids from her school do choose. My issue would be travelling - I'd have to take her and pick up as otherwise she'd have to get two buses. Due to where we live, I doubt many children nearby would go so it's not like she would have a travelling buddy. I work full time so I would have to adjust my hours slightly - they do have a homework club and various other activities until 4ish. I'd like her to go to this school but my concern is her not having local friends
4. Another secondary that we would get into which is travellable, children nearby do attend. I'm kind of ok with it. A lot of girls from her sports clubs she attends would go so she would know a lot of other children already. She could also walk to those sports clubs after school.

There is a big BUT 🙈 her estranged father lives in that area. He doesn't see dd and she has been ok about it. My worry is that as she hits the more emotional teenage years, I worry she may bump into him and it might cause upset. Also she has half siblings that may attend there - that she doesn't see.
It would be a good School in terms of convenience but I think my anxiety would be through the roof.
So do I
A - move into catchment for School dd would like where her friends will go
B - move closer to my preferred school so that she has friends in the area.

This is weighing heavy on me at the moment as I'm a lone parent, decision is all with me. I just want her to be happy.

[CookieDoughKid]

I'd choose the school you really want and legitimately move and meet admission requirements. I'd do it asap. I know it's hard, but in my opinion moving is a small sacrifice comparedo to 7 years Secondaery education.

[MissWimpyDimple]

I would move back into the catchment for the school her friends will go to.

It's a pita but it's not worth the stress that the other options will put on you.

The thought of her ending up at the same school as half-siblings is horrendous!

If you rent, just do it.

[Mykingdomforanickname]

I think moving to be nearer to either school 2 or school 3 would be OK. Presumably they are not equal in terms of house affordability and in terms of how it would affect your commute to work, so you need to think carefully about both. A factor in favour of school 3 is that you say that your DD would get into school 3 from your current address, which does take the pressure off a bit in that you could aim to move early in Year 7 rather than getting into a race against the clock to move before you have to submit the secondary school application. I recall that applications for secondary schools have to be in by the end of October in Year 6, so if you would be selling one property and buying another, that doesn't give you a huge amount of time if you allow for the risk that you might agree a sale that then falls through at the last minute. I think the admissions experts will tell you that moving during Year 6 has the potential to put your DD at a huge disadvantage admissions-wise, as if you move at the wrong time she could lose a place that she has been allocated based on the old address, but not necessarily get the school you want near the new address due to places already having been allocated to the school near the new address.

On the basis that there is a risk of DD ending up at the same school as half-siblings with whom she currently has no relationship, I think you should completely discount school 4, as there seems to be huge potential for cans of worms to be opened in all sorts of ways if that happens.

[unameavailable]

Sometimes I think school 4 would be so easy in so many ways - location, travel, ease to get to extra curricular. I think dd would possibly be ok but my anxiety would be awful for at least 5 years. So I have to rule it out.
The school I prefer that she would get into could be a nightmare in travelling and the impact on work etc. Plus extra curricular activities big further then.
I just want her to be happy and the school her friends will go to is also convenient for her extra curricular activities and easier travel etc.
We have to move.
Thanks for the help. 😊