Talk

Flip

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Secondary education

Wanting to know your child's friends

7 replies

ElectricSeal · 05/07/2018 19:11

My sons attend a secondary school that none of their primary school friends attend, so they have made new friends.

The secondary takes from a large area and lots of the new friends have known each other since primary. From year 7 onwards his best mate has been to our house on many occasions and my son has also been to his. The Mum is lovely and we have a sporadic friendship (work commitments) but as she already knew the parents of the others in the group she reassured me they are all nice kids and also reassured them my child is lovely. All the children have been out together, no adults so it was important to know they wouldn't be idiots.

My son is now in year 10 and has this year been sat with a boy in some classes and they game together a lot, connecting over the internet. So much so that Ds is talking about bringing him round to our house after school. But the child has refused to tell my son where he lives saying it is stalking to want to know where he lives. But he would know where we live as he would be coming here.

I never realised revealing your street name to someone you consider a good mate was weird or wrong. I am not local to this area so maybe it is something particular to here or did I just grow up in a town where everyone said where they lived? I attended a Catholic school so we came from all over, rich and poor and I was definitely in the latter category.

Do you know roughly where your children's friends live? Is it different in any way for girls and boys?

OP posts:

Report

madeyemoodysmum · 05/07/2018 19:18

I think that very odd. Maybe he is ashamed of his home for some reason.

I know where my dd friends live as I've picked her up etc. She is only yr 7 tho.

Report

titchy · 05/07/2018 19:23

He sounds embarrassed to reveal where he lives, or who with. Poor kid.

Report

typoqueen · 05/07/2018 23:34

it could quite possibly be he is a "looked after" child

Report

W0rriedMum · 06/07/2018 06:55

Agree he could be looked after or from a poor area of town. Or a super rich one - it goes both ways!!

I wouldn't worry too much as the trust will build in time. Can you make sure you're at home when he first visits?

Report

NoKnownAddress · 08/07/2018 10:00

Just quickly name-changed for this.

I lived in a Women's Aid hostel for two years at the same age. I made up all sorts of nonsense to swerve the fact I couldn't give an address or even say in what area of town I lived.

Stopped being invited over to other people's houses as I could never reciprocate, it must have looked so shady and no-one knew why.

It sucked.

Report

MarchingFrogs · 08/07/2018 14:10

Have him round, if that is what your DS would like. Then perhaps ask casually whether he is okay for getting home, or would he like you to give him a lift?

He may be plain weird, some people are, even at that age. But as PP have said, there may be a very good reason why he is cagey about his address, so unless you feel uneasy about him for other reasons, don't push it.

Report

ElectricSeal · 08/07/2018 22:40

Thank you for all your responses. I hadn't considered the looked after element, was just thinking it was about houses.

@NoKnownAddress I am sorry you were unable to tell people where you lived. Horrid that you lost friends over it when you couldn't have them around to your home.

@W0rriedMum I will be here as I am a SAHM who just does a bit of volunteering work in school hours. I have actually spoken to him via the headset my son was wearing. Just a quick hello type of thing.

As someone who grew up in a house sharing a bedroom with peeling wallpaper and wearing hand me down clothing I have taught my children that we judge people on their actions, not the size of their house or what car they drive or the clothes they wear.