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Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Secondary education

PFB and starting secondary.

21 replies

MrGrumpy01 · 06/03/2017 22:42

I am pretty laid back but every now and then the realisation that my pfb is off to secondary school in September overwhelms me and I get all anxious and worried. I worry about things like, Will I buy her the right shoes? Will people make fun of her bag? Then I worry about her getting there, will she be knocked over crossing the road? That is even before I start thinking about workloads and homework and the education side.

Is this all normal? Now she has her place it seems so real and scary.

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Trb17 · 06/03/2017 22:59

I'm with you on all of the above... all a bit real now. And the road thing worries me the most.

MilkRunningOutAgain · 06/03/2017 23:02

I expect she'll love it & you will continue to worry until she has been there at least a year! When my DS went to secondary a few years back we were told not to bother getting new shoes / bag/ etc until he had been there for a few days and could see what everyone else had. Or if the secondary is close, spy on pupils going to & from school in the summer term! You can practise going to school and back with her lots of times until she is bonfire time of the route & knows where to cross roads safely etc. Re workloads, homework, I always went through DS's homework planner (a small ring binder provided by the school in which he writes down all homework given) several times a week and helped him plan when to do homework. I also helped pack his school bags for the next day each evening after supper, including PE kit when needed. Print / copy his timetable & stick up somewhere highly visible, DS's is on the fridge door, so it's easy to tell what needs to go into school each day. It will be fine, I no longer help DS much at all, he's yr 9 now and the only real issue is lack of clean PE kit - cos he rarely puts dirty kit in the laundry basket!

MilkRunningOutAgain · 06/03/2017 23:03

Bonfire? I meant sure!

bojorojo · 07/03/2017 00:39

Actually I don't think it's normal. If you teach your child to be safe and resilient they take secondary in their stride. Both of mine boarded at 11 and organised themselves at school every day. No child wants to get bullied so just buy a similar bag and shoes that her friends have!

Why worry about homework? Everyone has it and most do it. It is not your homework!

It is not scary - it is what every child has to do. Why won't yours cope? I think you do need to hide your concerns because they don't sound helpful to me. Just teach her to cross the road!

Trb17 · 07/03/2017 05:49

I don't think the OP is showing her concerns to her DC. She's just expressing normal emotions associated with her eldest going off to the next part of their lives and hoping they'll be ok. Every mum I know, including myself, has/had those feelings. It doesn't mean we let them affect our DC as we wave them off and hope for the best.

My DD is still terrible at crossing roads. I'm going to spend even more time up to September helping her to learn as much as I can. I'll be terrified when she walks to school but she'll never know it.

MrGrumpy01 · 07/03/2017 07:20

Thanks all. I think it is just the realization she is growing up. Of course I haven't told how I feel and we will do route practice.

trb17 She is terrible too. Mainly because strangely it is something we rarely need to do. She walks to school but it is just at the top of our road and if we walk to our local shops or library it is just through a park also at the top of our road.

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GavelRavel · 07/03/2017 07:24

This is all normal and I was in the same position last year. I promise you though, you'll be astounded how quickly it all comes together after a week of so of chaos in September :). They mature a bit from now until September and massively in that first term. The school spend the first month getting them to take responsibility for their stuff etc, don't worry.

AuntieStella · 07/03/2017 07:25

You don't have to buy the bag, pencil case and shoes from the off. It might be better to use the ones from primary for the first few weeks, then see what people are really carrying/wearing and buy to fit in.

If shoes are outgrown, then brogues are probably a safe bet.

Trb17 · 07/03/2017 07:47

@MrGrumpy01 ... yes we're the same. No real need to cross roads on foot every day so she's not got the confidence/skills yet. I'm going to spend some time every holiday walking the local streets with her and letting her make choices to help her. Not sure about how I get her head out of the clouds mind so hoping that just comes with lol

TeenAndTween · 07/03/2017 09:04

OP.
Make yourself a list of the things you are worrying about and devise action plans.
Shoes/bags/clothes - get you and your DD to look at what the current y7s have
Road crossing - take advantage of the holidays to practice routes, and find some roads to 'play on'
Homework - how much are you expecting (ask parents at primary school gate who already have children there). Where will it be done? Do you need to buy a desk for her room? Where will she keep books etc at home?
Uniform - if necessary practice tying ties in the summer, and show how to slip on and off for PE.
In the summer, talk about different expectations, such as ignoring bad behaviours, not telling tales, keep out of the way of y11s etc

It's normal to be nervous but it will be OK. Also the DCs grow up an enormous amount between now and September, and also between September and the October half term, so you may think now she won't cope, but she will.

TeenAndTween · 07/03/2017 09:07

ps. With the greatest respect I would ignore bojoro's comments. At boarding school homework is organised for you (set times and everyone doing it), and no need to cross roads to get to school in most cases. You are absolutely allowed to be nervous/worried - just so long as you appear confident to your DC.

corythatwas · 07/03/2017 09:42

When she gets to secondary she will not suddenly be surrounded by an alien species with sharp pointy teeth who will tear her to pieces like a pack of wolves if she puts a foot wrong. She will be surrounded by other children like herself, many of them a bit nervous about this new stage of life.

Yes, there is bullying in secondary schools. But then there is bullying in primary schools. There is also friendship. And fun and laughter and a sense of achievement.

TheHobbitMum · 07/03/2017 09:46

All very normal, I've my third starting Secondary in Sept and I'm the same still. It's a big adjustment and a big step in growing up and not needing us in quite the same way :)

BertrandRussell · 07/03/2017 09:49

"expect she'll love it & you will continue to worry until she has been there at least a year!"

What makes you think it'll stop after a year? My dd is21 and at university and sometimes I can't sleep for worry about her.......

MrGrumpy01 · 07/03/2017 12:28

Thanks all, pleased to know I'm not being totally daft.

The school is not our catchment school so very few from around where we live go but I am sure when it comes to it there will be other people on the bus even if it is enroute.

I had a whole senior school/shoe thing happening many years back. It is hard to not project fears onto the present situation.

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bojorojo · 07/03/2017 13:02

I do accept boarding school is different, but my children went to state schools first and they could cross roads safely by the time they were 9. Even if you do not need to cross a road, you make sure they can do it!

Also, yes, they did have set homework times. I never did any of it for them, ever. So, why not have a set time of day for homework? Why worry about it when there is a way of sorting it out? As I said earlier, the homework is not for you! You just provide the space and resources to do it, just like a boarding school does or a homework club

I tend to think that if your children are going off to school, you do make sure they can do things for themsevles. I cannot remember worrying at all. I just knew they were competent. Not all the children were though. The day ones mostly, who continually forgot things and left items at home or didn't turn up for sports day.

TeenAndTween · 07/03/2017 13:21

bojoro I think it depends on the child. I was very competent and organised, and went to boarding school at 12. I could sort my homework, remember stuff etc.
but
Not all children are the same. Some are more nervous, more forgetful, less able academically. My DD2 needs help with most homeworks to get the most value out of it. My DD1 turned out to have dyspraxia...

The OP isn't saying her DC will not be capable, but she is worrying about seeing her pfb move on to the next stage. I feel she needs empathy and advice, not just 'pull your socks up' type comments.

BertrandRussell · 07/03/2017 13:26

At least you won't have to deal with the emotional damage caused by boarding..........

MilkRunningOutAgain · 07/03/2017 16:17

Well Bertrand, from my massive sample of precisely one child, I did relax a lot over the daily stuff ( child getting to & from school, taking correct kit & books, planning out homework) after a year. But that's all it's based on. I think it's entirely normal to worry about the move to secondary, it's a huge change for a child and for their parents. My DS is an organised type too; not so my DD who will be moving to secondary in September. I think I will be doing yet more worrying.

lacebell10 · 07/03/2017 18:02

The school hopefully will have a transition day. Most of Croydon do. My dd also had an evening the day before where they and us met staff and tutor and could ask questions. gives them a taste of the school when every one on the watch for them. Buy cheap first with the promise if they don't lose them they can have more expensive next. Expensive shoes for dd is not worth it as they walk through common and gravel paths so are trounced.
Get her a cheap smart phone before she leaves primary. Gives them chance to get friends numbers before they disperse. Dd homework is all on an app and has to be ticked off on app so she needs it. Helps with hmwk. Hopefully your school will have one as it sends reminder to child and parent

MrGrumpy01 · 07/03/2017 18:55

They do have an induction day so that will help a lot.

The homework app sounds very fancy. But I like the idea of cheap at first then replace with more expensive.

Thanks all though for being kind about it.

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