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my 13 year old daughters behaviour at school is out of control (sorry for being long)

(18 Posts)
user1469783217 Fri 29-Jul-16 11:52:04

Since moving to secondary school my daughters behaviour has spiralled out of control. She is a very hyperactive out going child who excels in sports. Academically she finished primary with a 6a in maths but a 3c in english.
When she first started secondary she did not get in much trouble - the occasional detention. In term 2 of year 7 was when things started going from bad to worse. She was constantly being told off for being hyperactive getting out of her seat not paying attention because she found this a hard thing to control she started getting angry when being told off so then she started being isolated for lashing out. By term 2 she was being isolated at least 2 times a week. Then she started refusing isolation and swearing at teachers etc. this carried on through out year 7 and by then end of year 7 had 6 temporary exclusions and 30+ isolation's.

Then came year 8... she had fallen loads behind in work which made her experience in the classroom worse. By the end of term 1 she was constantly being sent out of the classroom for being hyperactive and loud mainly from the same teachers she had in year 7. Then by term 3 she was in main school 1 day and isolation the next day for about 4 weeks until this cycle was broken by a 2 day exclusion. Then by term 6 a lot of her classes she was being pre parked for (sent to a different classroom at the beginning due to behaviour last lesson) They also tried giving her extra english lessons but refused and got so worked up about the school gave up.

I don't know what to do i have tried all sorts of punishments etc. I think its the teachers are getting fed up of her, shes so hyperactive, and shes getting in trouble and getting angry because she finds it hard to control resulting i more trouble. She also finds it hard to maintain friendships and often gets in fights. Shes starting her gcses when she goes back in September and i really want to see a positive change in her attitude. I have tried with the school but they are juts not listening. They are a few teachers she gets on with and they seem to be positive encouraging teachers.

LockedOutOfMN Fri 29-Jul-16 13:21:52

Sorry to hear about this; it sounds as though both you and your daughter are unhappy and it must be frustrating for the two of you.

Has your daughter been tested for ADHD or any other type of SEN or hyperactivity?

What does the school say about her behaviour, etc.?

How does she behave at home?

LockedOutOfMN Fri 29-Jul-16 13:25:13

Sorry, OP, I had missed the part where you said: "have tried with the school but they are juts not listening." Apologies. Can you elaborate at all on this?

Lonecatwithkitten Fri 29-Jul-16 15:54:02

She had a 'spiky' profile at the end of primary doing really well in Maths and not so well in English. This should have suggested possible SEN. She is now showing other signs, poor impulse control and frustration. The school need to assess her properly so that she gets the help she needs, not just keep punishing get.

youarenotkiddingme Fri 29-Jul-16 16:06:53

I agree. Have they even got an educational psychologist involvd yet? Their job is to assess skills sets, compare them against each other to find her learning profile and style, highlight strengths that she can use and weaknesses and extra support needed. They also compare the skills set nationally (percentiles) which help to find out potential etc.

My suggestion would be seeing GP, tell them everything you've told us. Show them as you have here that conventional methods have failed to yield results and so it must be something more that needs professional input. They should refer to Camhs if you ask or you may be able to self refer in your area. You also can sometimes self refer to OT service as well.

Personally though if the school won't help then there comes a point you need to accept this and try elsewhere. I have spent far too much energy trying to get my DS school to support him (he has ASD) and he now has a managed move arranged for September.

troutsprout Fri 29-Jul-16 17:41:06

I agree with previous posters. Those sat results should have rung a few alarm bells . You can go to your gp and ask for a referral for assessment.
It seems awful to me that she's getting into so much trouble for something she can't help
I also agree that if the school is that unsupportive then maybe eventually you may need to look elsewhere

user1469783217 Fri 29-Jul-16 19:30:15

The school have not done anything about her behaviour apart from punish her i can not move her as the next closest secondary school is 9.5 miles from us and i'm not even sure they would take her. She has always struggled with English and this started to hold her maths back too. She has had this one teacher since startnig the school who can not find one fault about her. When i asked her about this teacher DS words were she understands me and instead of telling me off she is encouraging. I approached the teacher once and it turns out that she struggled badly at school with dyslexia so knows what she is going through. Her behaviour at home is impulsive and she never stops.

trinity0097 Fri 29-Jul-16 19:39:54

What are you doing with her at home to bring her reading/English levels out to that needed to succeed at school? You cannot expect the school to do it all.

I imagine much of the problem is due to the fact that she cannot access the curriculum and has got a reputation.

A fresh start somewhere else might be needed to break the cycle if she is willing to play ball and cooperate.

LIZS Sun 31-Jul-16 08:52:02

Sound like she would benefit form a full Ed Psych assessment. Dyslexia may well coexist with other disorders and both you and school need to be consistent in how you approach her behaviour. Have you spoken to the Senco?

PoisonWitch Sun 31-Jul-16 10:06:45

I get that it's frustrating and you and she are finding it difficult but she CANNOT act like that in school. It may be that they are ignoring her needs by sending her out but they also have to consider the needs of the other 30 children in the class. They will be totally unable to learn while your daughter is wandering about and swearing at teachers.

Some time in a smaller more specialized setting may be beneficial. Can you afford to have her home with 3 hours tuition a day for a year? This could really help her with English and break the negative spiral she is in.

snowy508601 Fri 05-Aug-16 20:50:42

what was her behaviour like in primary?

snowy508601 Fri 05-Aug-16 20:56:15

I think she is an intelligent little girl ( I understand maths requires higher order thinking, reading and spelling- not so much) who is not able to access work to match her ability because of her reading and writing.
I think you need to really badger the school about getting her assessed, or if you can afford to, get it done privately.I woul;d se the GP immediately to raise your concerns about ADHD and get that ball roling too.

Liara Fri 05-Aug-16 21:02:49

Your poor daughter, that school really sounds like the wrong environment for her.

Is there really no other possible solution? She is now old enough that maybe she could be home schooled with a tutor helping some of the time?

If there really is no option I would acknowledge to her that school is wrong for her, but that unfortunately due to circumstances it is not possible to do otherwise than for her to go there. My guess is that the frustration of being told she is 'wrong' because she cannot cope with school is a big part of her playing up so much.

pieceofpurplesky Fri 05-Aug-16 21:04:30

Sympathies op. I am a teacher and it sounds like your daughter needs to see Ed psych asap. Have you spoken to your GP - sometimes a quicker route.
I am surprised that school have not suggested this as they seem to be putting lots in place to keep her in school - many schools would have suggested a managed move to elsewhere before now.
They have tried reducing her timetable to one day a week and your daughter could not cope with that. You really need to be talking and working with the SENCO at school.
Good luck op - having taught many girls like your daughter they can, and often do, turn it around. You need her assessed then she can get TA support.

toptoe Fri 05-Aug-16 21:07:04

Find out who the SENCO is (special educational needs co-ordinator) at her school. Book an appointment with them specifically to discuss screening for dyslexia and an educational psychologist assessment for hyperactivity and any other SEN she may have. Mention the teacher she finds helpful.

MammouthTask Fri 05-Aug-16 21:08:55

She needs to be assessed. Yes ADDHD but maybe other things too.
Go and see your GP or even better, if you can, go private (it can take a loooong time to get any assessment from CAMHS),

In the mean time, yes go and have a chat with the SENCO but maybe start with doing abot of search of what cud possibly help her. They don;t seem proactive at all so wouldn't rely on them.

Put a thread in the SN section too. Lots of people on there that will be able to advise you.

toptoe Fri 05-Aug-16 21:09:24

Just to add 6a in maths puts her in the very top percentage of children...she may well be gifted with an sen

ohtobeanonymous Tue 09-Aug-16 11:39:42

Agree that an EdPsych report is needed. She sounds like she is in a cycle of behaviour that the punishments are perpetuating.

if LA won't refer her, can you afford private?

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