DS has parents evening next Tues and I need advice on how not to blow my top at his form tutor. He had an awful time at Primary school: Seven years of bullying (which was perpetuated by a teacher) and a battle to see an Ed Psych (suspected Dyslexia). He only really had one stable best friend in all his years at primary and it was a very sad and lonely time for him.
We made the decision to take him out of our LEA to go to another High School and this has been on the whole the best decision we could have made. He has surpassed his end of year expected level already bar one subject. He has made a group of friends and seems genuinely happy to go out to school. A marked change from a child of 11 who would cry and vomit before school run every day.
The only fly in this ointment seems to be his form tutor who he also has for Art. She has singled him out for parents evening, he is the only one out of his form she has demanded to see his parents. It has really upset him even though he knows mom and dad are on his side. He asked to see said teacher today and asked her why she had done this. She's told him that she's concerned about his concentration in class and thinks putting him on report would benefit him as he would be rewarded for good behaviour.
I'm not happy about this. Firstly because reports is a disciplinary procedure. Yes, he's chatty and doesn't listen all the time (his words) and yes this is not acceptable behaviour but it is not crime of the century either. He gets frustrated if things aren't perfect workwise and equates this to he will be in trouble like at Primary school.
His other teachers (bar one) made no other comment in his school reports about his concentration or being a distraction. The other teacher who had an issue, my son has asked to be moved to a different table and this seems to have worked.
She does not seem to see if there is any correlation between his "behaviour" versus lessons he finds just a little bit challenging. I feel that he needs to be motivated in some other way and she is behaving very negatively towards my son. Any ideas on how to tackle this? I would prefer not to go to his Head of Year as I prefer to say what problems I have with anyone to their faces. Especially in schools, I think communication between teachers tends to be on a need to know basis.
I would also like to add that his old LEA didn't recognise dyslexia as a learning difficulty and so testing wasn't offered. I also believe that his difficulty in concentrating stems from his fear of being wrong therefore opening his self up to ridicule which is one of the ways he was bullied. Any advice will be appreciated.
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Secondary education
Year seven parents evening - advice needed.
coco1810 · 06/05/2016 21:07
Your son's behaviour - implied by the teacher's comments - sounds like my son's. He has trouble concentrating and needs help to stay focused. We've been working on it with him, and school have too, but it remains work in progress.
My son has been on report a few times. 
Although I wish that his behaviour hadn't warranted it, I think that being on report has actually helped him for a number of reasons, and his concentration and behaviour have improved as a result.
First of all, as your son's form teacher has suggested, it gives the opportunity for him to be rewarded for being good rather than criticised/punished for being disruptive - that helps reinforce good behaviour. It's nice being praised.
Secondly, it breaks the 'behaving well all day' into bite-size chunks - he has a one-hour goal of behaving well in each lesson, and just has to concentrate on that one goal at a time. Most children are able to rationalise that themselves without the help of a report card. Some don't naturally think like that, so need to be prompted to do so.
Thirdly, at least the way they do it at our school, they set particular things that he needs to do to get ticks on the report card - so for children who need reminding of what behaving well means (and I've no idea why my boy needs reminding - we've reminded him often enough - but some people just need more reminders than others I guess) they have three particular things to work on, which can seem a bit more manageable.
Fourthly, and this is something you might want to get your son to focus on, if he's being good in most lessons but just not in the form teacher's art class, the fact that he's got lots of ticks from his other classes will help the form teacher to see that it is not a universal problem and it may help show that there is a correlation, as you say, between lessons he finds difficult and his behaviour.
So, being on report is not always a bad thing in terms of the outcome for the child, and it's good to get things back on track early on in their secondary career.
And being 'singled out' by her wanting to ensure she sees you at parents' evening may not mean that she thinks he has the worst behaviour problems in her form group, but might mean that she thinks that, unlike the 'naughty' children, he has a soluble problem and she wants to work with you to make sure home and school are working together to solve the problem and have a shared understanding of what needs to be done. She might even be wondering about dyslexia and wanting to talk to you about having him properly assessed - I find that relying on a 12yo's account of what a teacher wants/has said/meant is not always reliable.
Good luck next week. It's demoralising hearing that your child is being disruptive - the combination of feelings of guilt and wanting to defend your wean is quite hard to deal with - but don't go into it assuming that the teacher is going to be unfair or prejudiced. Of course she might be, but most teachers aren't.
Can I just add that I find that many students fund being on report a positive thing - they are getting to have a shirt personal chat at the end of every lesson about what went well, and sometimes what still needs work on. Most students find this personal attention really helpful and a good thing 
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