Starting new school year 7, refusing to go

[racytrace]

Has anyone else come up against this problem? My friend's DD has started a new school this year. It is a private one with relatively low class numbers and it was one DD wanted to go to. However, after the first day she has refused to go and literally screams the place down saying things like "they are going to kill me". We have tried everything possible to get her there. Some days she will go but within minutes of being there she kicks off again. This has been going on for the last 2.5 weeks now and everyone is at the end of their tether. Meanwhile DD's education is going 'to pot'. Has anyone got any good advice? Should she be kept home and nurtured through this (will she ever go to school) or should she be made to go (after all we all need education and to socialise)?

[racingheart]

Have you asked what "they are going to kill me" means? Who is she referring to?

How is the work? The fellow pupils? Does she know anyone else who is going there? Is she afraid of any new subjects or sports? Why did she want to go there? Did she have realistic expectations of what it would be like? Does she understand how very different Yr7 is in all schools - how much bigger and more challenging they are with their different rooms and teachers for every subject and their expectations of organisation?

If the fear is specific, she could maybe be helped to break down her fear and isolate what causes it, so that she can cope with all the aspects that aren't linked to the fear, and get support from staff or friendly pupils to overcome the specific fear.

[JenaiMorris]

Was she alright about going to school before she went up to secondary?

[mummytime]

I would take her to the GP and get an urgent CAHMS referral.

What does the school say?

[JustBecauseICan]

Your friend's dd or yours?

It sounds to me there could maybe be a bullying issue? Have you/your friend spoken to the school? That should be your first step I think.

[englishteacher78]

It does sound like extreme behaviour.

[racytrace]

Thank you to all of you for your replies, it is very extreme behaviour. She is a very intelligent girl who can also be very manipulative when it suits her.

She has spent the last 2 years at primary with a teacher who has done nothing for her self confidence at all, but there were never issues about going to school.

She went to see the new school and loved the idea and the first day went in no problem and cam home normal time fine. Since then though it has been a screaming battle to get her into school at all. The school have been very good and tried hard to integrate her by using other pupils to assist her. She has tried going to another different school who again have tried everything, but nothing seems to work. She has started to run away from home in the mornings to avoid having to go to school.

The GP has done a referall to CAMHS, but I know from experience with my own son that CAMHS take up to or beyond a year to see children even when they are virtually suicidal!!

What do we do, I hate to see my friends go through this every day. Should they be making her go to school and stay there, should they just keep her home? It's not my DD but they are very close friends and I know the daughter very well and she can be rather spoilt sometimes!

I'm not sure about bullying as she has only been there 1 day, surely not enough time for that to even start as they are all in the same boat on their first day!! She says the teachers are mean to her and shout at her when she asks for help, the other pupils won't talk to her and just ignore her, the teachers shout at her and tell her to 'just get on with it' and the headmaster is going to kill her! It is a very good school with an excellent reputation so how much of this do we believe?????

[englishteacher78]

I'd believe little to none of it BUT it may be how she is experiencing it.