Year 10 DD upset with options choice(10 Posts)
My dd has been in tears every night since starting back in year 10 as she thinks she has made the wrong choice re options. She selected triple science and has found herself in a class with 23 boys and just 5 girls (including her). The other girls in the class are two sets of best friends and I think my dd is feeling very alone. As far as I can tell the other girls are nice and I have suggested that she tries to sit next to them in lessons. She is quite shy and has always been the type of girl who has had a small number of very close friends. To make matters worse her friends all seem to be together for the majority of their classes. As far as I can see she is with this class for 11 lessons a week. In all her other classes she is with at least one friend (although not always from her close friendship group).
I think that she has had it quite easy up until now moving from a small primary with a couple of friends (who are still part of her friendship group) so I know it will be good for her to branch out and mix with new people but I hate seeing her so upset and am trying to be sympathetic. I realise that it is early days and she needs to give it time but she keeps saying she wishes she had chosen textiles (she was unsure between triple science and textiles and at the last moment opted for science). If this situation were to continue I am prepared to approach the school and discuss her changing subjects but I am not sure how much flexibility they will have in the timetable to do so. I would also prefer to leave it a few weeks. Am I being silly worrying when she has barely been back at school a week?
Thanks I appreciate your reply. I think it reinforces what I have been trying to tell her - she is not the only one that is in or has been in this situation. In my DDs case the children in the class don't seem nasty so it could be far worse. I think it is a case of being out of her comfort zone.
I would be very surprised if the school let her drop triple science in favour of textiles. She will need some sort of science GCSE and if she is studying triple sciences, she must be considered quite good at the subjects as they are reserved for brighter students in many schools. It is a shame to mess up future results and chances just for the chance to sit next to friends.
It must be horrible to see her upset but she should base her choices on what she wants to do career wise or for A Level and what she is good at. Basing them on what her friends are doing is not a great idea and pretty fruitless in the long run. In a year's time all her friends will all be picking AS subjects and it is highly unlikely that all of them will pick the exact same 4 subjects for 6th form so she will be separated from them all then anyway. See how it goes. Hopefully she will get used to it in a few weeks and realise that she can still stay friends and see them outside lessons.
Thanks. Thats really helped me to keep it in perpective. I have always had a nagging worry that having such a limited number of close friends might be a problem at some stage. I think the class groupings came as a shock to her especially as she knew that there were a few friends that had chosen triple science but due to the combination of other subject choices she hadn't expected them to be put in different groups.
As DHT at a Secondary i/c options
I would expect her to come and see me and then I would have a conversation with her ... I would look at Science KS3 results and if she was a 7 in Science I would try to convince her that she should come to terms with the group situation
If she was less than a 7 I would probably be more flexible ... talking to her about her future interests, why she chose science in the first place, etc
After all that I would support her decision and ask her to get your permission in writing ... then move her ... I would never force a student to take an option that was going to be a negative experience
Of course, all of this would be moot if Textiles is full
She really should do triple science instead of textiles, a far 'meatier' subject if you get me, and if she is considering at all doing something maths/science related as a career of A level will be a far greater base.
Could you have a word with her tutor/pastoral deputy head or whoever and see if they could do a seating plan for this class, so all the girls get mixed up? This would save DD having to do the awkward thing and ask to join a pair of best friends, which would probably still leave her feeling fairly excluded.
IMO they should have a seating plan anyway - we are expected to have them for all classes at Y11 and below. Avoids all the awkward social situations mentioned above, and means the students concentrate on their work rather than trying to chat with thier pals.
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