Husband said he resents me.

[Costaclub]

My Husband (20yr marriage) out of the blue told me that he doesn't know if he wants to carry on with our relationship and kids. He said that he resents me for not working full time (I work as a midday in a school and do some part time writing work)

Our eldest son (10yrs)has been been seriously hard work the last 6 months and has been causing alot of stress in the household and he said he's sick of it. Now he's back at school he's been so much better and the house is alot better.

I do all the housework, garden maintence and take full responsibility for the children. My husband just does the 'fun things' and I have always accepted this as he works full time.

We have had no arguments at all so I'm so shocked and hurt.

The night he told me this he then went on to want tohave sex with me. I did so as I was hurt and wanted to make things better. The next day he acted as if nothing had happened and then the following day we went on holiday and had a really lovely time. Its now been a month since he said this to me and we've been getting on great he says he loves me and still wants regular sex but if I try an approach what he said he just shuts me down and won't engage. I'm so confused this has messed with my head so much I don't know what to think!

[ReefTeeth]

Why are you having sex with him?

He doesn't get to control the conversation. He said something and you want an answer. I'd just keep asking.

It's pretty unlikely you'll be able to pick up work now, but is that what he wants? For you to work FT and split the house chores?

[TikTakTikTak]

What a dickhead. I'm amazed you were able to have sex, a comment like that would make my vagina clamp shut.

I'm sure he won't mind picking up your workload while you job hunt, he obviously thinks you don't do anything so it'll be easy for him. You need to know what he means by "not sure he wants to carry on". I'll say it again, he's a dickhead.

[willowmelangell]

What an arse he is.
Do verbal online job searches. Lots of comments about how dh can parent while you are out on Saturday from 7am to 7pm. How dh work holiday weeks will cover 'most of the summer holidays, but a holiday club will have to be booked, shouldn't cost more than £300'..'
Lots of jokes about how he will have to brush up on his cooking/homework skills, what with you being at work FT.
Speculate out loud about a cleaning rota and a laundry rota, since you will be FT and chores will be split 50/50 from the day you start.
'After school clubs won't be cheap, but other people manage don't they Darling?'

He really hasn't thought it through has he? You can parent through the long school holiday weeks. Personally I would be looking for a 2nd job, evenings or weekends.
The lack of respect for what you have done for 10 years is horrible. I too, would be hurt and upset.

[Porcupineintherough]

Two options here. One is he said something he didnt mean in a moment of pique and is now embarrassed about it, the other is he does harbour some resentment about how your joint responsibilities are split. Either way though, this needs a long conversation and he doesnt get to choose not to engage.

I would also feel quite financially vulnerable in your position so would strongly urge you to consider the possibility of taking on more paid work (and yes he will then need to start pulling his weight at home to compensate).

[MeanMrMustardSeed]

This is all sorts of wrong. DH and I had a similar conversation yesterday and he was saying how grateful he is that I’m at home with the children (career break from professional job) while he gets to go out to work. I wouldn’t be doing it if I didn’t get this level of gratitude and respect from my partner!

[Flowerpot345]

He resents YOU?
I would resent my DH if he behaved like yours.