SAHM with school age kids?

[BB8sm8]

I’ve been volunteering at school & a charity the last few years while my youngest settled into school, he’s now going into y2 & my eldest is y5. We’re lucky in that financially we can cope at the moment on 1 income, I was recently offered a 4 day a week job but with holiday clubs, breakfast, afterschool & dog walker fees it didn’t work out financially. I do feel unfulfilled at home now, that’s why I looked for work, but paid work doesn’t seem to be the answer as the hours of any job I find don’t work with the school run, various school days off etc. DH works long hours & is often away, we have no family support do it does all fall to me. My youngest has also been hugely unsettled during lockdown & I worry about the impact on him if I’m not there for him in Sept as I have been, school will feel so different as it is. Has anyone else chosen to stay at home with school age kids?

[Ragwort]

I did, we had an 'only' DC (by choice) and I didn't return to work until he was 12. For some of those years DH was self employed so I did do a (little) work from home supporting his business.

It's not an easy choice ... at the time I didn't miss work (we had moved away from my previous job so I didn't have anything to return to), I had a very busy and interesting life with lots of volunteering work which I loved. I never felt 'unfulfilled', I wasn't over invested in being a mum IYSWIM, my 'identity' was through my volunteering. No financial worries or concerns that 'my DH was supporting me'. I made sure I kept my NI contributions up to date.

However, when I wanted to return to work it was very difficult to find anything like the level of career that I had before ... I did end up with a job that I love but the salary is a fraction of what I earned, even in 'real' terms over 25 years ago ... so it's been a huge financial hit and I am very aware that if my marriage had broken up (of course it still might) I am in a very vulnerable position.

I know that doesn't really answer your question but might give you something to think about . If you are purely looking for 'fulfilment' you don't need to be in paid employment to find that, what are your passions and interests?

[MynameisHappind]

Why don't you continue volunteering so when you are ready for paid work you have up to date experience and references? You could look into studying or starting a business or learning a skill if you want.

[justanotherneighinparadise]

Is there any training you could do to improve you job prospects once you do return to work? That’s my plan.

[BB8sm8]

I’m looking at volunteering at the moment, I’ve enjoyed helping at school and the work I did for the charity, I’d like to try something else. I find that helps to stop me feeling lonely as I don’t know any other SAHMs st all.

Justanotherneigh what are you thinking of doing?

[Daphnesmate01]

I recognise the similarities in your post op. I have 2 school age dc and another dc due to start pre-school next year. I have never had a well paid job as such but have worked both full-time and part-time over the years (age gap between dc, so in and out of work). I have always wanted to be able to pick the dcs up from school etc. and finding work around these hours looks nigh on impossible (especially at the moment). Like you, I don't know any sahms, I seem to fall between those who work and those who have retired.

I do feel lonely a lot of the time (less so since lockdown ironically), and I feel cheered by the fact that volunteering has helped some of the posters here. Ragwort, if it isn't too outing can I ask what sort of volunteering you did? I have a few ideas of my own but always open to suggestions, especially if it has proved rewarding.

[BB8sm8]

The loneliness can be so horrible 😔 like you though I’ve felt that less so during lockdown. Volunteering has been amazing for me, I really liked that it was flexible so didn’t impact on school & if anyone is sick which little ones often are (not so much my age kids) there’s no pressure as you’re not in a contract. I have volunteered for Scouts, which was so fun, a museum which I loved because it was largely silent & full of adults 😂 an animal charity which was great because I love my animals and my school which was really helpful with my own kids cos I got to build a good connection with the school (I wasn’t in their class). From what I can see most volunteering that isn’t directly COVID related is on hold at the moment but definitely search do it or something similar to see where you might like to volunteer when lockdown is lifted a bit more.

[Themostwonderfultimeoftheyear]

I have worked all through the preschool years but am considering giving it up now DS is starting school. I am very lucky to have a term time only job that finishes at 3 (starts at 7 though) but life during term time is so hectic.

[TimeWastingButFun]

I'm SAHM (boys 10 and 12). I'm lucky in that it's not lonely for me as my husband is home too so we enjoy doing lots of gardening, DIY and walks etc. I like being home when my boys get home from school and it is pretty busy in the eves with activities, homework, evening meal etc.

[Ragwort]

Daphne ... I've done loads of different volunteering ..simple things like delivering village newsletters which get you out walking and chatting to people, that led to editing the village newsletter; I was in Scouting for any years as a Leader and Trainer, charity shops, lots of activities to do with old people - meals on wheels, lunch club, hospital transport, visiting; every PTA that my DS has attended , I set up a Mother and Toddler group when I moved to a new village which didn't have one ... that then led to years of involvement with a Play School which was very demanding due to all the legislation etc around pre school education (but very interesting and challenging). Now I concentrate on helping with rough sleepers and at a Food Bank ... some volunteering with elderly people but that is more just phone calls due to Covid.

The key is to find something that interests and challenges you - my DH was a school governor for some years and does a lot of sports coaching (also an ex Scout Leader - that's how we met ).

I always recommend volunteering as a great way to meet people, we've moved around a lot and even when renting for just six months or on a year travelling around abroad I found volunteering opportunities and have met such a wide range of friends (and of course a few people that I didn't get on with ).

[Daphnesmate01]

BB8, you might get a few more responses if you post in chat.

You seem to be fairly happy doing voluntary work, are you looking for reassurance that being a sahm with school aged children is the right thing to do? I think I will be following a similar path to you as I have a similar view i.e. about being around for the dc and I find there are very few people who have chosen this path, so I feel sort of sandwiched between having young children (I had them relatively later in life) and being retired. But at the same time, I need to find something stimulating to do as Ragwort said. I am slowly building up hobbies but I must confess I do miss the structure/adult company that working can offer (but don't want to commit myself to more than a couple of days a week). After covid, I have a feeling finding such a job is going to be even more difficult.