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Can't handle 2. Not the parent I wanted to be.

(18 Posts)
BenandSam123 Thu 07-Jul-16 15:35:06

Not sure whether to post on this board or big brothers board - maybe I'll try both. My 11 mo old screams all day long! He's so aggressive, he wants to get into everything, and climbs anything he can get a leg up on - so he hears 'no' a lot. Also Big Brother (3) steals his toys all. the. time. Ugh. I feel bad LO is super neglected. I did all sorts of neat stuff with first baby but this guy gets nothing but scraps. BB is a lot to handle too and the only time I catch a break with him is when I put on the tv. So I use the tv a lot. This is not how I wanted to parent.

I'm barely making it through the day and the 2 of them are tag teaming me at night - they take turns waking me up every hour! I feel like everyone is always crying. I would so throw in the towel if that was an option. How do people do this? How do people survive with more kids than 2 kids? I always wanted a big family but I obviously can't hack it! 😭 What am I doing wrong?

Xmasbaby11 Thu 07-Jul-16 15:37:29

I felt the same with mine - 2 year age gap. The first year was awful, I cried every day and used tv a lot.

Once they were 1 and 3, slept better and played together, life was a lot nicer. It's still very tiring though!

NarcyCow Thu 07-Jul-16 16:32:31

I had 19 months between mine and there was a lot of crying in the first year. It really does get easier. It's okay to let them watch TV, don't worry about it. Do whatever it takes to keep your sanity till they get older and more manageable. Bring them to the playground a lot.

ChickenSoupChef Sat 19-Nov-16 20:19:24

21 month age gap with my first 2, now aged 9 and 8. I spent a lot of time going to mum and tot groups, made lunches and snacks to take out and visited friends or had friends over. It made it an awful lot easier. We went to the woods, the park and for walks all year round.

I still used the tv a lot at home but we werent there a lot for it to be a lot!

minniebear Sat 19-Nov-16 20:22:48

I have a fifteen month gap (youngest is now one), and I've found it's got easier. They play together now a lot more and as long as we get lots of fresh air they sleep well too. We don't have a TV, but I just think you need to get breaks when you can-whatever works!

ItsLikeRainOnYourWeddingDay Sat 19-Nov-16 20:28:21

What does your partner or husband do to help out? Bring a sahp is 24/7 and relentless so you must get time to yourself to do whatever the fuck you want. I would deal with the nighttime wakings. If your more rested everything else will seem easier to deal with. I would recommend 3-4 nights of controlled crying. It's awful and difficult but it works. Saved my sanity when we did it with our eldest.

MissusMop23 Sat 19-Nov-16 20:43:49

When do you get free nursery hours for your 3 year old? That will make a big difference.

Doublemint Sat 19-Nov-16 20:50:18

Thank you for posting this. I've cried everyday for 3 weeks and am reaching the end of my limits with Dds with 18m age gap. They are currently 2yrs and dd2 is 10 months.
I'm feeling guilty all the time and this is not how I want to parent/be either!!! The CONSTANT screaming from one or both is actually driving me batty. I'm shaking and feeling sick all day and my voice when I speak is all cracking like I'm about to sob.

I think we need more "light at the end of the tunnel" stories!

Underthemoonlight Sat 19-Nov-16 20:53:11

You sound like me op only mine is 7month and 3years old. 7month is so needy day and night and 3year has to be constantly watched. I feel like tearing my hair out but I keep telling myself it will get better DH was home a couple of days and was getting irradiated by the two of them so got some insight into what I have to deal with on a daily basis.

PissPotPourri Sat 19-Nov-16 20:54:53

Agree with pp in terms of it might be hard to get out the door...very hard in fact, but get out get out get out of the house. It's the only way. I felt like you and now I have three (and feel like it over again).

mumofthreesmallmen3 Sun 20-Nov-16 11:36:38

It gets easier, everything is a phase, this will be get better but then something else will come along! I feel the same sometimes with three, bad days and good days smile

gingerhousecat Wed 08-Feb-17 20:40:28

Literally feel the same! Mine are 2 and 4.5. Older one is in now in reception so this helps loads. Sorry have no advice but just wanted to say that I don't think you're doing anything wrong - think it's just hard work!! (I keep trying to tell myself this also!) I would have liked to have had another one but don't think I'd stay sane!

HelloFreedom Sat 11-Feb-17 18:44:56

You're in the war-zone years. Toddlers + babies can be incredibly hard work.

It does get better. Much much better.

Advice? Take any help you can. Book your 3 year old a nursery place if you haven't already and get out of the house as much as possible.

This too shall pass...

holidaysaregreat Sat 11-Feb-17 21:15:38

It gets easier. I always found it easier to get them out the house when they were little. Even if you just walk to the post office/park/jump puddles. Try to have a routine to the day and wear them out with fresh air. Are you able to go out in the car to places? Go on a bus ride?

mammyoftwo Wed 17-May-17 12:33:08

just found this, hoping for some answers

MapMyMum Wed 17-May-17 12:45:41

I know some toddlers just dont sleep but could you try and work out why the eldest isnt sleeping through most of the time? Same for the 10 month old, is he waking for a bottle or cuddles? Is it habit? If you took some time to sort that (if possible) then that would help quite a bit I think for you and them. Then during the day, flick on that TV!! We are all not the parent we thought we would be, and thats ok. As others have said can he go to nursery to give you a break, or could a friend or grandparent take him out one afternoon a week. Other than that it really will get better soon

MapMyMum Wed 17-May-17 12:46:30

Oops sorry didnt notice its an old thread

mammyoftwo Wed 17-May-17 14:10:47

old thread same scenario!

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